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Saturday, December 21, 2013

COLLEGE MADNESS


COLLEGE MADNESS
Advice for those going to college!

In life we have many expectations of people and always wind up underestimating their capabilities and our people around us have a way of over estimating us and misconceiving what we want!   I write this post from that standpoint of someone who flunked his GCSE’s yet got into a Top business School without SAT’s or TOEFL from a country whose native language is not English.  Not only did I get in I got 87% scholarship and shocked an entire system that was based upon assumptions.



In my days people wanted to become doctors lawyers or businessmen or women.  The reason is because they wanted to live up to their family legacy and make daddy proud.  In the early 80’s Pakistan was innocent to the fast pace of technology and life was something more meaningful but also about brand name education.  When you signed on the dotted line you defined your major and that was it.  Those days are gone because the times have changed and so have you!


83.7% of the kids today are struggling to find their inner selves and there are so many clichés that one has to pick from that a brand name university or college adds to your problems.  Here is my advice to you if you want to get into a college or a university!  If you do what I suggest I guarantee that life will be kind to you and irrespective of what people think you will be happy!

  1. Define who you are and what you enjoy doing – People work because they have to work – I work because I love it.  My drive comes from the satisfaction I get each time I close a sale and to me that is the ultimate high.  Work gives me a high and I always have a smile because as I enjoy what I do the effort already comes. Forget what anyone says… find yourself, understand your abilities and have faith in your capabilities.  Do not underestimate yourself and do not overestimate the future you will have.
  2. Once you have found yourself and are deciding on what to study focus on ROI – (Return On Investment) forget the bill mummy and daddy are going to pay consider your investment in time.  You will never het that time or 4 years back so when you think of what to study you must make sure that the career path you choose will sustain you for another five years after your graduation.  Today the world changes rapidly and what new cellphone you migt want will be redundant tomorrow when you purchase it.  In my day you either went for economics medicine or law – today you can get specifications at undergraduate level so pick a field that will grow with time.  You should also understand that if you invest in a skill based degree then you will always have  fantastic job value because marketing people come and go but skilled marine biologists are a few and global warming is keeping the ones in jobs busy.
  3. If you know what career you want then write to a company that does what you want to do and ask them to work in their mailroom or in the trenches and find out about the thorns in the rosebush.  Forget money rather focus on the job at hand because this internship will either cement your love for the job or bring you the harsh reality that being a surgeon is really about blood and guts!
  4. Forget chasing after what the crowd is going for.  What is right for your buddies or the coolest kid in class will and might not be what you want to do.  This is not about pleasing the parents and this is not about making the coolest kid in the class list.  I have seen so many un-popular kids in class who were social rejects and today are at positions in the corporate world and commanding those who laughed at them in school because they removed emotion from what their career choice was and focused on the here and now and what they wanted in the future.  Friends will leave you, enemies will stay with you and ruin you but your parents won’t so it is always advisable to sit with them and really tell them what you want to do and ask them to support you morally.  Forget asking friends (social idiots) because if you only trust your parents and ask them you might be wrong about your own assumptions about them.  If you feel they judge you then you are doing the same thing so break the circle of lies and be the adult here.
  5. Be REAL & Be GRATEFUL! Your parents have given you what they could.  Understand and appreciate that and never compare your childhood to what another parent gave their kid.  You are two different people but it’s not all about you its about what they can afford.  Also its about what you can bring to the table as it takes two hands to clap.  If you want to study abroad then focus on getting the desired grade and do NOT ask your dad for a bail out strategy in the form of cash.  Earn the respect of a college with smart work and honesty.  – Today colleges do not care about a kid with 24 A’s (basically a robot) they want to breed a human being that will add to the value of society.  Colleges have gone onto what John Lennon and wood stock was all about.  They want people who contribute positively to society.  So yes focus on grades but also build up the other areas of your life such as sports (which does not constitute to playing tennis on Nintendo Wii)
  6. You can never get what you dream about unless you start somewhere but always start at the bottom of your soul to understand what you are all about – Make a bucket list of 10 things you want to achieve and always focus on your ROI.  Your investment should be in yourself and your bucket list should consist of things that will help you get to the desired goal.  If you want to be a photographer then learn how to take a picture and do not live under the illusion of what quality you get from some DSLR that daddy paid for as that is the camera and NOT you doing the work.  Use technology to your advantage but do not abuse the value of your own intellect and potential by substituting it with what will only be a crutch. 
  7. Be the best at what you want to do and live for it passionately! I am the biggest salesman going and people laugh at me for how I present myself.  I am honest to myself so I don’t mind at all when they need a job because I have clients who know how I work smart.  What matters when you graduate is the fact that you will have a job so focus on that when you consider investing four years.  If you want to become an accountant forget getting a CPA only – do something like going for forensic accounting that is specialized.  Be different but think smart.  Focus on your goal but fuel your dreams with money you will earn if you decide correctly today!



If you have any questions about what to do then talk to me if you feel society or your parents won’t understand you.  I can understand that they trust you buy knowing what’s best for them (you) but will never admit it.  So have faith in you and no one else because colleges and universities only give degrees but life gives you something much more when you are honest to yourself and that is respect!


Work smart Party Hard but most of all love the here and the now!


Disclaimer! - The opinions I post are my own and I do not intend to hurt or offend you!  If you cannot allow me my freedom of thought then you have the right to voice an opinion and navigate away on the web.  

If you follow my blog I thank you as it’s quite ridiculously entertaining...that is if you like what & how I write! 


If you need to contact me or wish to befriend me then please... 
Follow me on twitter - @amynaghulamali 
or add me on facebook - Amyn A. Ghulamali 
and if you want to criticize me then please e-mail me at amyn@ghulamalis.com

Friday, December 20, 2013

ERASE ME

ERASE ME!
THE NEXT BIG THING IN TECHNOLOGY

Us Pakistanis love our privacy and we cherish it a lot.  However we have been addicted to social media and even if we are not connected in anyway other than e-mail our friends and their cellphone with Instagram have exposed our lives to people we may not want to show things to.


We are incredibly stupid we get caught by a mobile camera with a fat cigar and a Budweiser in ur hands along with a 20 year old from the opposite sex in a compromising situation and when 48 hours later we are explaining why we missed our Tarawee’s we think to ourselves who to blame and who to kill for doing this malicious act upon us!

It takes two hands to clap so please note that if you get caught then it’s your fault as well for allowing someone to take the picture of you…  However I started a company that specializes in erasing people of the internet and removing all the crap that is posted about them being caught with their pants down (literally) – Ok since half of you bloggers or social media geeks reading this think it’s easy and damn good to do then my rebuttal to you is… Hah! Try doing it!




It takes a miracle to wipe a person if the internet and that is what I have learned and done for at least 17 odd people who’s jobs and marriages were at stake.   The next big thing will be erasing and undoing what people post on the internet about people who now want to be conveniently connected.  If you want to learn how to conveniently vanish then talk to me and let me erase the life you don’t want to show anyone!


Disclaimer! - The opinions I post are my own and I do not intend to hurt or offend you!  If you cannot allow me my freedom of thought then you have the right to voice an opinion and navigate away on the web.  

If you follow my blog I thank you as it’s quite ridiculously entertaining...that is if you like what & how I write! 


If you need to contact me or wish to befriend me then please... 
Follow me on twitter - @amynaghulamali 
or add me on facebook - Amyn A. Ghulamali 
and if you want to criticize me then please e-mail me at amyn@ghulamalis.com

CORPORATE NINJAS

CORPORATE NINJAS

When I was a wee lad I used to see my father dress up and go to work in a very majestic fashion.  In his day the brands were Pierre Cardin, Ralph Lauren, Honda Accord & Madonna & Wham!  Now that my dad has retired I realized that when I was in my teens (in the 80’s) to send a letter he needed 3 people.  The first to take short hand and type it, the second to enter it into a letter register and the third to take it to the post office.  When he was 50 his life was filled with many necessary Human Beings that were actually a resource around his professional life.  Yet life was easy and fun and he had all the time in the world to socialize with people that had no hidden agendas for the evening! To these corporate kings life was something to live and work was something to do and family was something to love…

Today 24 years later everything is all jumbled up!  Today’s corporate warriors (CEO’s) are younger faster & smarter ninja’s who have a higher resistance for surviving in a world where life is time constrained, work is stressful & family is something you need to protect from the evil that the world does! 

The innocence that the business community had when my father was a MD has transpired into a one man show where it is an arduous task to achieve the maximum amount of productivity during an eight hour period and then brace your selves for the next twelve hour day!  Our corporate ninja’s are smarter and more efficient thanks to technology that is cheap yet has had the ability to sack their secretary’s and majority of human resource.  When a company looks at a CEO even though they state that they are looking for a team player who can work with a Board of Directors the underlying meaning goes to prove by their final choice that the most resilient of the lot who will have an ability to withstand the corporate pressure test of time will be the one to rule them all.



Not only does a CEO or a President of any organization have to have a sterling reputation rather he or she has to have skills of shrewd negotiation, leadership abilities that will shine out in the form of extreme diplomacy and have the ability to get what is required just done!  This was proven by Karachi Gym Khana’s decision to vote in Mr. Akbar Iqbal Puri.  In his infant forties he is a pillar of success professionally, a fantastic salesman in his field of oil and gas & a very strategic thinker that knows how to play the poker hand that life deals him.  When he was elected I was quite pleasantly surprised and Mel Brookes famous quote “it’s good to be the king!”  came to mind.  Akbar lives up to the strength found in his name and having known him for 27 years of my life and having seen his succession from that of a prince into the throne of a King was actually quite refreshing to me. 

Today when time is the most precious commodity and your children constantly shock you with their ability to inwardly digest information at a much faster pace than you did when you were at their age it makes me think that by the year 2025 our CEO’s will be in their twenties.  Even a technology buff life me who has the ability to re-train himself constantly with new developments in my field are invented within the blink of an eye it shocks me when a six year old child comes up to me and states that he can sho me how to make my cell phone work smarter.

Another example of someone i respect tremendously for having the glue within himself to hold an entire board of diverse directors together is a friend, a colleague and a family man who defied all odds and came to our wedding.  When you have an old school extremely diverse board of directors who know it all and come from a very conservative school of thought that refuse to stop clutching at their insecurity and will never make way for a newer generation of human resource it takes an extreme amount of resilience to change minds.  In such a case it can only be done with respect and that too with surgical precision form of respect. 



Add to the organization a battering ram, gung ho, super aggressive, always in attack mode sales guy like me that knows it all and uses a bull dozer brash approach to deliver numbers and you don’t have waves in the board room you have constant hurricanes.  Now to manage me takes a team of people who know how to let things go and look at the broader side of the conservative horizon and that has been Asad Abdulla.  I respect him tremendously for having the ability to manage extremely senior people, tame and teach me how to gently get work done and learn the true value of building something bigger and better than only focus on a  number and how relationships matter along with your word.

In my dad’s age (prehistoric times) when you worked in any company that was the first place you ever worked and would leave when you were wrapped in white cloth and you would retire to your final resting place in the grave.  Your job was actually a career and the company that you worked for defined your role in society.  Today the shelf life of any employee is not more than 24 – 48 months in any organization due to the worldly circumstances and socio economic situations that one has to face daily with the ever versatile and volatile economic inflation.

I am lucky to have been born into a family that has been very close to the Avari family where the human resource refuses to leave their employer because of the fact that they simply love to work for them.  I have learned from two brothers who spearhead the Avari legacy how valuable people are and that in order to do anything right to progress in life you must do right by people because it is right and you don’t have any hidden agendas.

Dinshaw B. Avari is probably the most ethical person that I have come across in my life who has the ability to apply modern day logic to ancestral wisdom leaving politics and hidden agendas out of any management process flow that he is a part of.  He is a fantastic son, a successful father and a very loved leader in his family business.  

Xerxes B. Avari is probably one of the only people I know who has the ability to digest information at a faster pace than most people and find amicable resolutions to any problem presented to him.  What may seem like a quick decision on his part must never be interpreted as injustice to any from of business because he has the ability to envision a project and is very good with process flows when it comes to management.

Together both brothers compliment their father and late grandfather very well because at the end of the day they live by the bond of the word “Family”

My advice to you is that if you want to be a CEO in the next few years then you must have the ability to look beyond what society makes you think you should do.  To lead a company or any organization you need to not only be strong internally but fair emotionally and disciplined by wisdom of your forefathers.  Heritage is something that is very important and the four people whom I have defined above have that in their blood… 

Your goal should be to become the best at what you do honestly and as those four people have lived up to what their fathers wanted them to be and mothers prayed for them to see you need to be able to overlook immediate gains and define your own honest pathway to success.  You need to love people, love life and most of all respect yourself and your professional and personal families.  I look forward to seeing you in the presidents chair one day!

Disclaimer! - The opinions I post are my own and I do not intend to hurt or offend you!  If you cannot allow me my freedom of thought then you have the right to voice an opinion and navigate away on the web.  

If you follow my blog I thank you as it’s quite ridiculously entertaining...that is if you like what & how I write! 




If you need to contact me or wish to befriend me then please... 
Follow me on twitter - @amynaghulamali 
or add me on facebook - Amyn A. Ghulamali 
and if you want to criticize me then please e-mail me at amyn@ghulamalis.com


Wednesday, December 18, 2013

KILLING IT!

KILLING IT!

“How to ace every interview you give!”

After months of searching on the web and harassing people to help you better your life one day when you were least expecting it you get that call you always wanted!  Ok great! So you got the call and some voice on the phone told you that the BIG brand name company wants to interview you at some odd hour because some “Director” is free…  All of a sudden your heart races your pulse jumps up and you are on pins and needles and excited beyond belief…  BUT YOU HAVE NOT GOTTEN THE JOB YET!… so calm down partner!

This post will tell you what to do to land that job if you follow my instructions I guarantee you that you will at least better your chances of being called back for a 2nd interview if not get an offer and how to leave a fantastic impression on the person you are going to meet.  This applies to people who are fresh graduates or have less than five years’ experience…

WHAT YOU READ FROM HERE ON WILL SHOCK YOU BUT WILL DEFINITELY MAKE SENSE – EXCUSE THE VULGARITY IN SOME SECTIONS BUT IT IS EXPLAINED AND NOT MEANT TO BE VULGAR AT ALL SO PLEASE TAKE THE POSITIVE MEANING BEHIND WHAT I AM ABOUT TO SUGGEST YOU DO!  If you can handle that then read on but before you do you need to understand that the human body is meant to withstand a certain amount of stress but when emotions are involved and senses are exploding you need to control them.  For this I would like to refer to a famous quote which is




Let’s begin now!  After the phone call I would recommend that

  1. You google the company you will be interviewed at and do a complete SWOT analysis for yourself by looking at stories in the press, its social media page and also look up the revenue that it has declared or earned… if it is a small company then hop on linked in and ask people about the company and you will find a social media page which will tell you about the company spending ability and what it is focusing on in this current fiscal year. 
  2. Find out about the job description by searching past employees who have been at that same position you want so bad and see what work they have done and what trophies they have claimed at the company (projects done)
  3. Then if you can find out about your line manager to be and what the corporate food chain will be like.   Google the guy or woman and don’t go by reputation see what type of a person they really are via social media.
  4. Lastly find out about the HR department and see what kind of jobs they have been posting and where.  If the company uses web based sites like rozee and bayrozgar then you know for a fact that the company has a very high attrition rate to keep wanting a huge feeding pool of human resource and thus its human resource department is weak internally because it does not have the ability to retain people or is not taken seriously by the management and is treated like a post office.  This will also give you their pay scales, benefits and values and maybe you might get a nasty shock or a pleasant surprise when you find out the benefits they offer other than the take home cash.
Now that you have the information you need you need to write it all down in bullet points and read it twice every 12 hours so that you forget it.

NIGHT BEFORE THE INTERVIEW
  1. Eat a proper meal and all your food by 830pm max.
  2. Drink at least two glasses of water room temperature
  3. 30 minutes later have a cup of tea
  4. 30 minutes later go out and get some fresh air and take a brisk 15 minute walk.
  5. Before you go to bed go and pee and then before sleeping have another glass of water
  6. Then make sure you get a minimum 8 hours sleep and are well rested this way your mind will not collapse due t fatigue.
Now I suggested all this so that your digestive tract is stable 14 odd hours after the interview and you are not farting or suffering from gripes.  Most people when they give an interview suffer from some form of tension and tension always affects your digestive tract which is painfully uncomfortable…  Its like that kid who has to pee when he or she leave the home and 10 minutes into the drive gets so excited because it is going wherever that the body give way.

THE INTERVIEW DAY
(What you need to do next is what I was saying that it gets weird… but roll with me!)
  1. Make sure you wake up early
  2. When you wake up drink a warm glass of milk (AVOID CAFFIENE OR ANY STIMULANT)
  3. Go out and take a 10 minute walk and then have a solid breakfast
  4. Then go and take a dump clear your intestines completely
  5. Then BELIEVE IT OR NOT “masturbate”


See I told you it would get weird…  seriously…  why?  Have you seen the movie “Something about Mary” in that ben stiller is trying to get a woman and is advised to spank the monkey so that he can land the girl of his dreams by actually focusing on her personality and not on sex!    I told you that you need to control your emotions so you need to release all your adrenalin and the best way to release it is to drain your testosterone as well – if you are perfectly calm and there is no stimulant in your body (artificial or natural) than no matter what is thrown at you in a room filled with stress will not matter because your mind will do all the work and let you give good answers.


  1. Ok shower but take a long warm shower but as you end it kill the hot water and shock your body with a 30 second cold rinse.
  2. The clothes you wear should be sober and not divert attention from your personality.  Wear normal clothes that are comfortable and no need to be dressed like you are a catholic in a coffin at a wake.  Your clothes should depict your calm mood and be neat clean and tidy but most of all should be comfortable for you.
  3. Use talcum powder on your feet as they sweat when you are tense and make sure you spray a lot of deodorant but hold back on the cologne, perfume or aftershave because the last thing you want is to wind up smelling like an ittar shop.
  4. BEFORE YOU LEAVE THE HOUSE READ YOUR CV / RESUME TWICE AND ALL THE INFORMATION YOU SAVED IN BULLET POINTS TWICE
  5. When you go for the interview make sure you DO NOT DRIVE and that you are there at least 45 minutes before the interview.  This way if you are late then you will still have time to get there on time.  Driving is stressful and parking is a nightmare so make sure you have someone take you for the drive.  Also getting dropped off at the door gives you an advantage of not breaking into a sweat whilst you walk from the parking area to the entrance.
  6. Now that you are early ask for a cold glass of water and sit and wait for your turn.
  7. When you are called make sure you request a minute to visit the loo and make yourself pee…
  8. Whilst you pee breathe in through your nose deeply but not hard and exhale from your mouth slowly – (this is to relax your blood pressure)
  9. Sort our self out and now you are ready to face Dracula!

INTERVIEW DAY
You need to understand that you are 90 percent there so relax and chill…  look around and make sure you are comfortable… observe the body language of the interviewer because what you say within the next 30 seconds will determine if you will be there for another 4 ½ minutes or 45 minutes.  I cannot tell you what questions will be asked but I would recommend that you follow the following rules that I set for me.
  1. Be polite and thank the chappy interviewing you and lead on the conversation by asking the person how their day is going – be confident but NOT over smart and cheeky
  2. Smile but don’t grin!
  3. Answer to the point and don’t ramble unless asked to explain things in detail what you have to.
  4. Make sure that you give them to the point information that does not sound like a text book scripted answer and make sure you state the fact that you are an individual in your way of talking.
  5. Ask about the company and what it expects of the position that you are ing hired for and not you!  When done ask to add value and give your two bits on your humble (suggestions of how you could make it better)
  6. When it comes to being asked money expectations – NEVER GIVE A NUMBER – please ask them to evaluate your potential and your skills what they see and then make a formal offer “with benefits” to you on e-mail.  SHOW THAT YOU ARE NOT DESPERATE and relax. 
  7. If asked how soon you can join let them know that you need to properly exit your current employer and give them respect for what they have done for you so far.  HR MANAGERS RESPECT THAT! If you are un-employed then state that you will need at least 7 (seven) days to join and that in that time they can complete all your documentation.
  8. If you are asked personal questions you need to politely deviate from them by asking rebuttal questions like “is my social life the deciding factor in an offer or is my professional life and what work value I bring?”
  9. When you leave ask for the interviewer’s official email and thank them DO NOT ASK FOR A CELL NUMBER!
  10. When you have time at home at night e-mail them a thank you mail that is personal with a few points about what you found good in the company from what they told you and in 7 lines also tell them how you would feel privileged to add value to their organization.

Leave the rest to Allah because if they make you an offer then you can humbly negotiate your way for the future and you know they want you!

Most of all be relaxed and be you!   Also know that if you are not expecting anything but honest to your self HR managers can see the value in good people…  Forget insecurities and make sure that you only convince one person that you deserve a better job and that is YOU!  Good luck !

Disclaimer! - The opinions I post are my own and I do not intend to hurt or offend you!  If you cannot allow me my freedom of thought then you have the right to voice an opinion and navigate away on the web.  

If you follow my blog I thank you as it’s quite ridiculously entertaining...that is if you like what & how I write! 



If you need to contact me or wish to befriend me then please... 
Follow me on twitter - @amynaghulamali 
or add me on facebook - Amyn A. Ghulamali 
and if you want to criticize me then please e-mail me at amyn@ghulamalis.com


Selling Ourselves

Selling Ourselves!
(HOW TO LAND YOUR DREAM JOB)

I write this post from the authority of having proudly changed 318 jobs in my career…  My career spans over 19 years (to this date) and not only have I jumped horizontally from one employer to his competition but different verticals (selling cars to being part of a team that produced and made Pakistan’s First Reality TV show for Unilever & Mindshare – Sunsilk 21st century women)…  In all these 19 years I have only been fired 6 times the rest of the 312 times I got bored and moved on…

My CV shows that I am the poster boy for a rolling stone but not only do I know how to sell myself on paper to any HR manager rather convince the entire company that I am a valuable asset to them in some way shape or form.  I know how to sell me and oddly enough those 6 people who fired me over the course of 19 years today are very close professional companions who to this date give me business and pay in advance…

If you are employed then let’s face it you have had the toughest time of your life trying to land an interview.  The reason is because your CV sucks!  You spent 4 years in a college went through the books but did not learn to understand how to customize a CV – you don’t know the difference between a CV, a resume or a biography and your timing is wrong.  You may have all the qualities that Harvard would have stamped on a piece of paper but you are jobless or frustrated doing what you don't want to do and are held hostage to your paycheck to survive so you cannot quit.

Writing a CV is not rocket science its common sense.  You need to get your point across to the HR intern showing that you can add value immensely within the first 3 lines.  You need to stand out from the crowd and be different yet not obnoxiously ridiculous.  Also you need to present the illusion that you are not so expensive and can allow a person the flexibility to negotiate rates at the table.

You must be able to show resilience in your career for having the ability to withstand the test of time and also show that you will stay for another 5 odd years being the robot that they want you to be but depicting clarity where your attributes lie professionally which will set you apart.

Before you apply for a job it is advisable to understand the JD of the job, the ethos of the company and its vision and understand its culture…  Clichés are expensive emotionally because they might be a right fit for society must maybe not for you so be careful when deciding what company to apply to!

If you do get called for a job interview then you need to understand that half the job is already done.  What will kill you will be your over confidence and over estimation and assumptions.  It is always advisable to find out who will interview you and then find out from peers about that person and what they like.  For example if they are a fundo then wearing a low cut shalwar kameez will not let you cross the mindset that the person has. 

This gatekeeper has one job and that is to beat you down emotionally and psychologically because behind all the jargon he or she is just out there to lock you in at a desired rate.  It is advisable to read the company’s act of 1984 – SECP rules and regulations and labor laws of Pakistan and understand that it is a violation of your personal rights when you get asked personal questions such as “so why did you divorce your ex? or how many drinks do you have in one night? Or would you be available to socialize with the “team” after hours?”

It is your right to ask for a job description in writing and tell your interviewer that if presented with a problem then according to your JD shown to you – that you will submit a proposal in writing thus allowing them to get a fair understanding of your worth and way of thinking. 

If you have any questions you need to answer them clearly and never give into verbal promises such as raises or anything for that matter if you settle for less. Remember if you are desperate so is the company that is recruiting – that is why they are talking to you.  If you feel disrespected you should state it honestly and tell them that it takes two hands to clap so if they will consider investing in you then not only will be an asset but will deliver what the desire in the form of results.

Timing is everything so stop looking at web portals and contact recruiters online.  Socialize with people who matter and learn and listen.  It is very important to listen and to understand underlying meanings of what a company needs rather than focus on what you want.  This professional marriage that you seek will turn into the worst one night stand if you do not tread carefully take your time in deciding what is best for you as an employee and will leave you with bitter scars should you fail to respect yourself and the job at hand.

Be loyal to yourself and the job you do (NOT THE COMPANY) be honest to yourself and you will land every job you seek… if you still have problems then I suggest you call me and let my team consult with you professionally on how to appreciate your value and career!


I am a salesman and my team and I know how to sell you better than you! Contact – amyn@ghulamals.com / amyn@360degreesu.com

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

NEWYEARS-INSECURITY

NEW YEARS INSECURITY

This is specific to Karachi citizens only!

Ok!  Well the holiday season has officially kicked in because your kids have had their concerts, you have had your parent-teacher session and are depressed because chotu is not as intelligent as you prided his over-smartness to be and you are desperate to get away from the balls and all because one night will be as expensive as a two day trip to Dubai in off season….  Wait you don’t believe me here goes at what happens to your wallet starting sometime tomorrow when the offices go on holiday mode…

Ticket to a ball or party (where things are supposedly secure) 25,000
1 party dress for the wife – 8,000
1 set of shoes – 3,000
1 trip to the salon (she has to look like Marilyn Manson) 6,000
1 bottle of liquid refreshment – 6,000 (can’t have the cheap stuff)
1 cigar – 5,000
I pack of smokes – 200 (must have the velaiti kind)
Overtime for the maid – 500
Fuel topped up in your car for that night – 6,000
Tips to the waiters – 2,500
Tips to your goon squad for that night (guard & driver) – 1,000
Tweets / SMS / and calls to people to make sure you get invited to the right venue and also your PR calls to ensure you get a discount to the charity affair 1,500
Fuel for your car spent over two weeks till you go out – 3,500
Breakfast the next morning at some hotel with the gang – 2,500
ESTIMATED GRAND TOTAL (AVERAGE) 75,000

It is so sad that some of you will wind up spending in maybe excess of this amount for a fantastic night of your life that you will not care about after the 7th of January because life will move so fast that the people you partied with will be strangers who would have found more obnoxiously new rich buddies they would want to meet rather than you.  Ok! so on the positive side you will wind up having some meat for a ridiculous conversation about who was almost as insane and compare with the standards set by the last New Year’s party which you attended at someone’s house you could not give two hoots about!

Ironically the sad thing is that the beaches you will go to will be closed by the cops – all the roads will be chaotic routes of traffic mayhem and everyone who does not matter will be toting a firearm to fire it off at New Years to prove that their cannon can shoot the biggest and noisiest load.

All of us Karachi-ites love to plan and prepare for New Years because it gives us the illusion that whilst we are in four walls doing what is banned surrounded by hired goons to protect us from what fundos that might show up is that were supposedly free in this shitty (city) of load shredded lights!

Now guys I have had one brilliant New Year and that was when I welcomed 2012 with 30 people I knew at a friend’s house.  It was a pleasure to not have to use a megaphone to say hello to the person next to me and very satisfying that I was not fighting for scraps off the buffet table where intoxicated individuals were hogging what was left of the kunna after their black labels had run out.

New Years to me is a special time where I want peace and clarity to reflect upon what happened last year and remember all the good that happened with some people that I care about.  Sadly this year with all the crap going on I really do not want to be here. 

I for one am going off to Lahore (which would be extremely cheap and the same cost as what one night would cost me here as I would like to spend an inexpensive evening in a 5 star hotel in Lahore (Avari has an awesome deal for Lahore) and be treated like a king in some fantastic weather.   I live in a city where everyone is insecure and I thought to myself I wanted to be free rather than be a robot on a dance floor listening to electronic loops that would leave me deaf for 24 hours after the party.  I have never done anything that is clichéd in my life but I certainly am sick and tired of being held hostage to what society decides will be my budget every 31st of December.

Do you also feel exhausted by having to prove that you are good enough or have you had enough of this emotionally and financially expensive rut and want to run away for some peace and quiet to reflect upon how your life went and how you can make it better in the next 12 months.  If you want to have a chat with some friends you know where you will find my wife and me on the 31st of December in Lahore so stop by and let’s hit Food Street and get some culture and enjoy life in the chilly air or Punjab…

If not then tell me where you want me to send you a gift pack of alka seltzer / disprin & morning after pills as you will need them badly to pay off your already over stretched credit card limits…

Disclaimer! - The opinions I post are my own and I do not intend to hurt or offend you!  If you cannot allow me my freedom of thought then you have the right to voice an opinion and navigate away on the web.  

If you follow my blog I thank you as it’s quite ridiculously entertaining...that is if you like what & how I write! 


If you need to contact me or wish to befriend me then please... 
Follow me on twitter - @amynaghulamali 
or add me on facebook - Amyn A. Ghulamali 
and if you want to criticize me then please e-mail me at amyn@ghulamalis.com


Sunday, December 15, 2013

SINGLES ADVICE


ADVICE TO ALL THE SINGLES

Before I begin I would like to introduce to you two women who gave me the utmost respect that a woman can give to a man.  One who thought me worthy enough to change her last name & replace it with mine and trust me so much with the fact that I would take care of her and her future for the rest of her life and the second my mother who has loved me unconditionally through all the ridiculous idiocies that she has had to bear with through my life and then trust me enough as her little boy to endorse the fact that I am emotionally and mentally old enough to finally get married again in life.  So proudly I would like to introduce you to Mrs. A. Ghulamali (Junior) & Mrs. A Ghulamali (Senior – Aboo’s wife & my mother)



These two Mrs. Ghulamalis are my best friends, my companions and my everything when I had nothing and felt like I was a nobody when my health and best friend deserted me and gave me the courage to have the self-respect to become anything that I desired whilst brushing aside their own fears.  Ok now back to my ranting for today which is about 2nd chances!

When you travel in an air-plane before you take off a pretty air-hostess lifts up her arms and give a speech for 3 minutes over the intercom.  Whilst you are looking for sweat patches in her armpits and trying to find a fault in that perfect hairdo and make up she mumbles about where the exits are in the case of an emergency (like at 36,000 feet you are seriously going to jump out of a plane if the sh*t hits the fan) then she tells you that in case you get gas from the menu how you can loosen the belt buckle then she tells you about the oxygen mask (and how many times I have wished it was filled with laughing gas)

Now this bit about the oxygen mask is so true because you have to read between the lines when she tells you to forget your kids and wife for the moment and put it on yourself.  (Be selfish basically)  Because if you can breathe and be conscious only then can you protect another life. Which makes sense because no point in making sure that your 3 year old can breathe and you die of asphyxiation.



This I applied to love!  I became selfish and thought about only me and no one else because like you I was a fool and got married for all the wrong reasons once before to the right person who I respect so much for having deserted me in an ocean of self-pity and humiliation so that I was able to discover my true self.  When I did and was able to walk again Allah stepped in and introduced me to a companion that today has married me for all the right reasons. 

The reasons are simple and they are that we are the best of friends, we hate to love each other for what we are but love to hate the world for condemning us for who we were and still are today.  We can talk for hours and hopefully this post will stand proof 25 years from today that we still value the respect trust and love that we earned from each other.

If you get married today or have gotten married then as the groom or the bride I feel sorry for you because everyone seems to have fun at your expense emotionally and no one seems to understand that it’s your special day.  Both the Saas’s walk around with batman attitudes whilst the Father in laws sit with their cheque books and a Robin suit on throughout the entire façade ensuring that “izzat barbad na ho”.  People in life will advise you exactly what to wear, say and do freely because they have the luxury of having a free meal and not bearing with the consequences of your actions for the future that you made by relying on their advice. 

Bottom line the two of you are terrified because your freedom is about to get castrated and the world is going to celebrate the fact on a valima that a woman spent the most important night of her life with a stranger that her family approved of for all their right reasons whilst they strictly never allowed her to understand if she wanted to give herself freely to this idiosyncratic philosophy that she cannot and never will understand. The groom will pay for it in the form that this will be the most expensive night of sex because if he is from an old school thought he will pay in the form of righting the wrongful perceptions of his elders for life.

My advice for all those people who are divorced or plunging into the terrifying well of marriage for the first time and want a companion is that you should and must fall in love BUT WITH YOUR SELVES!  Learn to unconditionally respect and accept your selves in the here and the now and make sure that you are and always will be OK irrespective of the fact of what life throws at you. 

If you are going to be a Bride then understand and that the man who marries you will always be a man for you and not a boy when it comes to dealing with his and your insecurities and acknowledge that when you are asked to think 3 times before you sign your life away you actually weigh in all the terrible stuff about you know about that person and realize that you will learn a lot more that will be worse and can deal with him as an individual.  Be honest to yourself and not the illusion of grandeur that the world who wants a free meal and a reason to party shows you.  Make him know that you will be the reason for his success mentally and be the pillar of strength when he wants an emotional nipple to suckle on.  Be honest to yourself.

If you are a groom then make sure that no matter how hard it gets you will NOT crack under the psychological pressure of listening to substance abuse, annoying relatives and most of all judging the mother of your children before you understand her.  If you are in “love” then please note that to me the word love is an infatuation which through the contract of marriage turns into toleration forever and if you have the ability to tolerate and curb your own insecurities only then should you sign on the dotted lines.  Getting married is extremely easy it’s the staying married part that is obnoxiously difficult.  I know I failed at it once before. 

Lastly guys please use common sense and your actual brains because I have seen too many of my friends tell me this line “she does not understand me and I can’t talk to her” whenever I hear this line which mostly all my friends who have had love marriages I instantly think to myself “Helooo isn’t this the same person that you fought for 5+ odd years to bring into your home because he / she was your soul mate and could not live without… now you spend the rest of your lives running away from her or him because she does not get you?”

Remember it takes two hands to clap so think carefully and wisely of what you want and be honest to yourself regarding your own abilities when it comes to making a choice for the rest of your life.   But when you do choose a companion make sure you don’t settle for the skies when there are footprints on the moon because you as an individual are so worth it.

Be selfish be scared but be honest and be hopeful but whatever you do be in love for all the right reasons with the right person and Allah will do the rest!


Disclaimer! - The opinions I post are my own and I do not intend to hurt or offend you!  If you cannot allow me my fredom of thought then you have the right to voice an opinon and navigate away on the web.  If you follow my blog I thank you as its quite ridiculously entertaining...that is if you like what & how I write! 


If you need to contact me or wish to befriend me then please... 
follow me on twitter - @amynaghulamali 
or add me on facebook - Amyn A. Ghulamali 
and if you want to criticize me then please e-mail me at amyn@ghulamalis.com