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Saturday, August 21, 2010

ADVICE TO DONOR AGENCIES FOR BUDGET ALLOCATIONS IN FLOOD RELIEF

To understand this article you will have to have a love for the great William Shakespeare, It is the time of need and shylock is at Pakistan’s door. The begging bowls are our and those with the best influence over others will strip the international community of whatever it can offer. The reality is that a lot will be promised and a many a hand shaken over the false sense of not getting conned by an army of liars who have the genetic code known as a “BS” strand which defines their dna.

So now that shylock has given money and we have sold all the rights to the coal in the thar desert, all our farm land in Punjab and all our minerals from the NWFP we will never feel a thing when he is out and about looking for that pound of flesh in repayment because we will be busy sorting out the pillaging and looting when the residents start reclaiming their newly dried lands. After the US civil war North America claimed that slavery had ended as the physical chains were thrown away but an entire mindset that followed the free-mason philosophy of its own did not allow the mental change to take place. I for one am really excited (sarcastically) to know that we will have lots of red white and blue if not even a spot of orange added to our flags color. Being a fifty third state could help with visa issues and we already have living forms of the Hindu gods in our politicians such as kali and hanuman and somehow Shiva also dons a uniform with all the required stars.

So if you are a donor agency please give us tons of money and if you are confused then how about trying something different rather than giving a blank cheque to the man with the biggest cigar and a flock of hired camera goons. Please invest in our education ministry and allow us to tell you the need of the hour – yes there are educated people here who don’t really care about silly distractions and could help this nation. These are usually the ones who have just gotten over the soreness of being rogered by a bunch of politicians who could not even spell their own names right. Funny thing is that politicians come and go but the working machinery tend to last for a longer time. The ultimate high is power and the ultimate form of stupidity is to think that these goons will last long enough to outlast those who will have to do the work.

Allow the Ministry of education to use each university as a fortress and allow these universities to teach during the days and house and shelter the masses at nights. Allow us to make our engineering students do field work and design cheap effective housing from what the land provides – assure you that these guys will not become macguyver and create an arsenal. If you fund us then our existing medical students can fulfill part of their house jobs in treating the sick and get the best form of exposure. Why do you want to spend money in bringing your doctors here from across borders when we have our own. Also our pharma industry is the biggest in toll manufacturing and it can sustain the medicines required,

If you really care then let our civil defense system work and don’t give them guns rather allow this civil defense army to be formed by women who are educated that can go and give time in telling the innocent victims how they should prevent the mass spreading of disease, Should you think that your conscience will allow then give us aid that will actually help us and not you in the international press… We want one thing from you… Not your helicopters not your armed forces because our war is against nature and forces beyond our control… We want your faith in us that we will survive should you have your intelligence agencies leave us alone and not play with corrupt emotions leading us towards more destruction.

This country was formed on an Islamic belief and it promised sanctuary to all muslims and people of all walks of life… Right now we the citizens feel it is a prison where you are the wardens and we are bound by your irrational demands that you claim only come from people who can be kidnappers. I believe my country is a hostage right how…
In short the funding you give should be given to educated people within the Minsitry of education and Higher Education commission as they are educated and not over smart. These are people who have bought their degrees with hard work sweat and after meeting legal requirements not over a gprs connection with a stolen credit card.

If you can’t do this then have the courage to admit what profit you seek out of this so called charity and tell us to our face. We survived for 60+ years I think we can survive a few more…

GIVE ME ISLAMIC JUSTICE

GIVE ME ISLAMIC JUSTICE

VIGILANTE JUSTICE FROM AN UNEDUCATED SOCIETY Today I am crying tears of blood. I have watched over and over a video where two brothers were the subject of vigilante justice. Who gives a flying crap if they were guilty or not. The best thing is that the administration and the local government fueled this fire and made a mockery of the oath they took to protect the people.

The law has failed miserably and whilst some dsp or sho is sitting and drinking tharra for iftar they will never be held accountable. We need to arrest the whole wu tang clan that was there including the city nazim and make an example that this should never happen again. We are a country with laws and we claim to be the best muslims by exercising especially in this month of fasting what is known as patience – isn’t this a kind of blasphemy.

This is bloody ridiculous and according to video documentation the city nazim his whole administration and the law enforcement officials need to be brought up on charges of man slaughter. Exercise Islamic justice here and give each of these buggers a lashing atleast 50 lashes each and strip them naked and parade them in the parks. How dare they allow anyone to be a subject to this. Even if those boys were wrong and guilty then they should not have fueled the fire whilst focusing on whats up for iftar. The courts are there for that…

We claim to west that we are not barbaric as we push a begging bowl out but then what the hell is this… These people are protecting us or are they the root cause for anarchy… Make an example and exercise Islamic justice as all conventional forms of educated justice has miserably failed here… Every human rights act and law has been violated and every law to protect a citizen of this country has been violated…

Watch the video – don’t turn your head away – see what the country is coming too and write back to fight back

VIGILANTE JUSTICE FROM AN UNEDUCATED SOCIETY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aU92gX-riZ8

Views Of An Insane Pakistani: THE HONESTY IN LYING

Views Of An Insane Pakistani: THE HONESTY IN LYING: "I am sure when you were going through a job interview you were asked “what were your responsibilities and what was your salary?” I’m also su..."

THE HONESTY IN LYING

I am sure when you were going through a job interview you were asked “what were your responsibilities and what was your salary?” I’m also sure that instinctively you inflated the figure and ardently elaborated how you were the glue that held it together for whom so ever you worked for!

Now if it also suited the employer then guess what all is good! If it did not and you were a struggling underdog hoping to get a home loan approval you would never get any respect rather humiliation for your honesty! Isn’t it weird that when you have a full hand how people try to loan you money? IF your cards are down and the concept is fantastic then you get nothing more than a handshake as you are walked out of the door by security.

Look at our society today, when you leave the house you put on your best smile and whistle on the way to work as you are expecting to have a good day. On the way back you’re ready to run over anyone that comes in your way. And the world stinks most of all you lost the faith that you woke up with about humanity. To further add to my justification on the frustration felt by those who are trying to lead honest lives take a look at our political system. Before and after a politician stands for office we do everything if not even physically try to destroy them as we feel that they are the worst vampires around. However in government we support them and the brotherhood syndrome comes about.

Also we love to sit down and claim that we know the world and are notorious for being related to the entire population of this country as long as they are of some plastic significance to society. The minute we have no need for them in our lives we don’t keep quite rather assassinate them (but only behind closed doors)

Lastly if you drive a car have you noticed that all the beggar boys and girls with wipers and plastic bottles or crutches have almost vanished from the street light signals which they bought! The reason is that their mafia found greener pastures in looting and pillaging in the villages where you are sending aide. Just think the common hari or farmer is innocent of city crime yet aid trucks are being looted and people beaten up. Those who are the real victims have not yet come out of shock and are still trying to draw invisible lines in the water where their home once stood. In reality this brutal beggars mafia has moved to loot those who have nothing.

Today I think we should leave honesty and integrity in our suitcases as people only want to hear what they want to hear. The common man alone, forget the politician finds any form of truth unbearable. Now that a disaster had hit us we need to re-establish those bonds of trust within our country that we ignored. In the rebuilding process(healing) we need to start from the grass roots and acknowledge that as we are re-building a nation then the ideology behind the bricks and mortar has to be based on establishing the old school principle of honesty and integrity.
Right now all the masses are looking for sanctuary as this disaster has left their faith in everything very tarnished. People need to be educated how to trust each other and look forward to a better form of living… I end this article with a question… How are you doing your bit to make a change as you tell your friends over a latte and a cigar?

WRONG MAN FOR THE RIGHT JOB!

I have been told that I am a very good salesman and I love the thrill of the kill which would have made me perfect for this task… I tend to disagree… I support companies or organizations that are good to their word believe in good values and want to do something purely because they are passionate about it… The ethos which formed the organization is honest. Qatar Airways / Telenor and Pepsi Cola are a few of the organizations that I can openly and honestly support because they know what good business is all about…

When you owe someone a favor then you better be prepared for anything as you don’t know what they could ask you for… Even Mario Puzo wrote down words that went down in history… “It’s Only business! But one day I will ask a favor of you and that day our score will be settled! (THE GOD FATHER) That is what happened to me… Finally I can breathe a sigh of relief as an organization to which I was indebted for its support came calling at my door. The favor was fundraising for this organization which mind you is an international registered charity that has proven its self when Pakistan was struck by the earthquake…

I am not the most diplomatic brown nosing mega freak who will give in to the norms of society. I am brutally arrogant and have a big yuck fou on my forehead to anyone who I feel is a bully. I am opinionated and very passionately aggressive in all the few million of the things I do. I hate hypocrisy and am quick to retort when there is any form of injustice… So in short I am not the best FUNDS RAISER… never the less I was successful at raising over eighteen thousand dollars but t he following is a series of observations that I have made over the past 72 hours of FUND RAISING… This article was going to be named “The profit in charity!” but then I realized that I was the wrong man for the right job… My reasons are explained below…

1. There is real profit in charity - people have lost their faith in giving to a good cause because there are so many of them out there (this was told to me by a cheeky pothead sales manager for a telco)
2. People have lost their faith in general - By the time the amount gets to those who need it the donor would have given enough to feed an army for a week but the recipients might be lucky to get used toothpicks
3. Also those who are bored start up their own ventures and God only knows if the intentions are true
4. Those who wanted recognition were giving to a cause in order to score points with God only knows whom.
5. People do not know where or who to give money to…. (please find a list of organizations who are good to their word and very credible as they have the resources to provide aid)

a. RED CROSS RED CRESENT
b. WORLD FOOD PROGRAM (UNITED NATIONS)
c. EDHI FOUNDATION
d. ISLAMIC HELP UK
e. PAKISTAN ARMED FORCES
f. AGA KHAN FOUNDATION

I would like to share some advice with you…
• Please do not give money or any funds to anyone who you know will not be able to give you a receipt (donations are tax deductible) and someone who is not a registered charity…
• Don’t give you pierre cardin sweaters away or your Louis vitton bags give the most valuable thing you have today and that is time…
• Be involved and before you become a complete Muslim from the first of Ramadan take time to find humility….
• If you have donated in any way then simply say no to those who shirk your feelings of trust

Jinnah Gandhi Martin Luther King even Dr. Muhammad Younus all had a vision just like us… The only thing is they had faith which helped make a vision into reality… Faith is a strong thing become a true believer – not with your atm card but with each second you can spare…

WILL SLAVERY EVER END?

In order to understand patience just close your eyes and imagine this – there is a room in which you have two children, your whole family (in laws) surround you.  The topic varies from what is right and what is right according your in laws, every one is smiling except for you and you have to face the onslaught of a million opinions for every move you make… your decisions are made for you and you have no right to choose except that you have to bear a full frontal assault mentally emotionally and physically in the form of responsibility for the decisions made for you… when you scream out for help the law cannot protect you and if you run for comfort to anyone for any pain you feel then society will disapprove….  The sparkle in your eyes is fading and the smile that you used to have is just a memory… Now open your eyes and realize that you are a bastard minority girl child born in a developing third world country… 

People say that out of sight… then out of mind…  But none of this is true… No matter how we look at the world from over the key board and no matter how many flood victims we try to rescue by donating money we always run from the responsibility of accepting civic sense….  One of the best things about having a physical disability is that people do not consider me as a threat so they become overtly aggressive about what they would hide around normal folk…  I have witnessed many a horrific thing happen by many an esteemed gentleman and as I write this I know that it might get me into trouble… 

We are all guilty!  We call our selves a progressive nation with the ability to morph ourselves towards a better tomorrow…  Well let’s just honor these words shall we “the ability to morph ourselves” for short term goals…  As a nation I was pondering a few things and I realized that this crisis of the flooding was inevitable…  From 1947 we have been fire fighting with our self created internal demons….  We never have had a minute to breathe (just like a 8 month pregnant mother with one sprog already suckling at the chest)…  there is always something that we have to urgently resolve and never have we actually as a nation sat down and thought about the future…

Tomorrow it will be another day that we will celebrate our independence but from what?  Our women are slaves to their husbands our children to us and we to a failed state of affairs created by us our selves…  Slavery or entrapment is not a physical state of mind – Henrie Charriere (Papillon)  was held captive for many years but he was never trapped. Nelson Mandela was incarcerated and he too was in the state of mind to never allow himself to sink.
If we have to fix Pakistan then whether we like it or not     we have to stop focusing on petty issues and start taking responsibility in educating the girl child…  just as in the lion king there is a circle of life also in life there is one – a boy can grow up to do hard labor and survive after having had fun as a kid but a girlchild in Pakistan never sees her teenage years riught from being a child she is thrown violently into womanhood and misses out one the essential process of evolving as human being mentally.  We need to educate the girl child so that when she becomes a mother eventually she will be able to carry the respect down further through the generations.

With this education we will bring down poverty / alleviate virtually most plagues and diseases and gain a level of self respect as a nation.  All our patriotic songs are about being SONS of the soil and we love to boast as muslims (moderate or conservative) that heaven lies beneath the feet of a mother – yet we don’t practice the same with our sisters or wives…  If we as a nation have the guts to go fight about petty issues that in the end lead to sectarian violence (social or religious) then we need to have the courage to say sorry and try to make things right…  The girl child is beautiful thing and if you can ever look up from the text you are reading at a traffic light into the eyes when she has a squeejee and a bottle of dirty water you will see that there is still light in those eyes…   Now just imagine its dark and she is running pillar to post to break free of these bonds of slavery…

Pakistan was carved out on August 14th 1947 but till today it has always never been freed from the social chains of slavery…  This  14th August try to do your bit by respecting the ones who have no choice in respecting you! 

THRILL OF THE KILL & THE ART OF WAR

One needs to understand a few things first before I delve into my ramblings of the subject above. 

Let’s begin with the current Pakistani situation – Our perfect little world is depressed an upset!  Violent crime is on an increase out of necessity and not fun, teenage pregnancies are causing bumps in our social standing as we have no time to listen to the problems of our daughters, The youth has delved its self into chemical recreation and the average adolescent child has the ability to graduate into his or her teenage years as a fully competent alchemist… Just like ghouls in a cheap horror flick the masses have no home and the primary industry upon which Pakistan relied has been brought down to its knees.  Inflation is on a rise and our basic requirements in life like cigarettes, petrol, condoms, fermented beverages along with wheat barley and rice are on a ridiculous increase…

Ok if that was bad then let’s consider how our Human Nature will react to this.   Today when we see an accident on a busy road we slow down to see if we can only see if anyone is hurt and hopefully a gory blood filled accident or a broken limb will suffice for us to slow down and stop traffic.  If not then the misery of watching a good stickup will substitute and our way of reacting will be with a disapproving “tsk tsk how sad and unfortunate” statement.   Bottom line we are predators in the hunt for any news or a situation that would be so bad that it would throw the focus of our own miseries…

Basically we are in a war – a losing jihad against ourselves… the reason is because no one educated us how to deal with chaos and society never allowed us the luxury of finding the time to plan or sit in a class room that taught us how to accept responsibility for our actions.  Today as we battle our own demons we have successfully managed to destroy what we once prided in which were family values with hidden agendas and open honesty we traded in for a quick fix commission…

Ok now that we are in a war let’s look at what makes a great Warrior – Starting with Ghengis Khan I would like to quote what he used to tell his opponents “ I am the wrath of God!  You must have done something terrible for him to have sent a punishment like me upon you!” Alright, now take a peek at Aristotle “We make war that we may live in peace!” and if we look at the Chinese then Mao was right when he said “Civilize the mind but make savage the body”.  That is exactly what the Chinese did – found humility and make factory upon factory to mass produce anything that the west invented at a billionth the cost…

In order to become a brilliant warrior one has to understand also the tranquility found within the insanity of a suicide bomber before the destruction occurs.  One needs to understand how the samurai and the mughals fought with respect honor and dignity.  If you really want to become a great warrior then the greatest achievement you will have will be the glory of those you don’t know coming to pay homage to you at your funeral.  Messed up huh!  Warriors like Benazir got they glory once six feet under…  Ok so now you don’t want the glory – listen if you want to go to heaven then you HAVE to die!  I have not met one suicide bomber or warrior of any kind who sent me a text message from above stating that life rocks and its much more than 72 that we promised…  also my lexus never runs out of gas and I can fly as I now have wings…  Bottom line my Pakistani citizen is that you need to have faith in order to be a great warrior.  To end this tangent I would like to quote sean connery who said in the rock “ losers are everywhere – winners go home and bang the prom queen”.

You have to understand that in order to be the best warrior and to survive in the madness that surrounds you in your corporate world that before you put on your knock off ties and assume another personality that surrounds you that

THE INVESTMENT IN CONSUMER BANKIING

 "Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"  - Words carved out on the statue of liberty in “JEW ESSAY” (USA pronounced by a Latino)  “I have a dream” (Matin Luther King) and the best one Patience is a virtue…  Today is the best day after independence because I believe that the following two quotes are true “patience is a virtue” and that ”the truth shall set you free.”

My wife and I were the victim of dafa no 420 / 496 and 406 as stated in the Pakistan penal code by our not so important banker.  There is a saying _ WRITTEN BY ME – today you can only trust your parents your banker doctor and lawyer.  My wife and I did trust our banker who was from a bank with a very high standard and if one looks at its Qatari mandate it was chartered to follow the policies of the state bank. 

This weasel went on to defraud us of our savings and simply vanish.  Mind you this is after the chap invited us to his wedding and simply vanished after that.  So now the standard is to to have a green and blue swirly logo which depicts action in a comic book and make like Houdini and wa’la vanish… All the transactions were done in the four walls of the branches where this weasel worked and not in a parking lot late at night under a street light.
Being physically handicapped and angry with the world anyways I raised a ruckus.  The head office which was in Karachi opposite the habib bank did not even show me the shaan of the issue rather I got a big “shit happens when you party naked attitude” (please remember this quote as I will elaborate on it later) after no success I even launched a website namely www.bohatbaragandu.com (figure out what that means…. But still no success for the past few months I have being playing email tennis with various player in this bank.

This article is not about how I got rogered by a system set to protect me, rather it is about my understanding of how the system of consumer banking works Aaha!  Now as I quoted patience is a virtue…  Well that is so true!  Also as we are rocking with quotes then the most famous one the enemy of my enemy is my friend also lives up to its name….   Last night I came across a few people and having the ability to moan and groan very well we all did our iftar like good little muslims and then sat down after loosening our belts to talk about various achievements and drawbacks in life.  It’s absolutely amazing how one tries to wash their sins out or clear a conscience in Ramadan.  After all we must go to heaven…  Even though we partied like mad in Bangkok and various sin cities of the middle east.

Ok well the crux of the issue is how to invest in a career in consumer banking.  First you have to have the ability to lie.  Second you have to buy first degree knock off clothing and look great so the world trusts you as they will think you have money yourself.  The ability to pledge allegiance to an entire choron ki baraat would get you the position of a BOM and if you have the ability to find a contact that will supply blended concoctions then guess what you are an ABM.

In this university of consumer banking the fun begins when you are in the supposed three letter abbreviated position because silly… that is where the trainings come in… also no longer do you have the fear of being terminated as a contractual employee.  You have no benefits like health insurance or pension and the only golden hand shake you get will be on your own throne at home but never the less you are a permanent schmuck now.  Woohoo!  As I said the trainings (which are a cheap and useless replacement for pension etc etc) have dominated the market.  Now that you are a little not yet so big schmuck working in an establishment that is chartered to abide by the state bank laws you have to follow a standard and follow extra ordinary banking procedure on your knees whilst clutching the hips of the bigger schmucks hoping to rise one day your self – without a bad taste in your mouth…

The evil that men do is also a famous quote but to invest in a higher position in consumer banking you have to understand that  the opinionated not so bright schmuck in the head office is someone who has no clue as to what the actual banking world does because all he or she does is sit and plagiarize policies of google when not on facebook – chatting with a trainer in a training bra.  In the social norms the cult following of peeri mureedi in serfdom applies here as we all like to do it but we don’t like to talk about it…  Hushhhhh that would be plain rude…
I marvel at the abilities of creative subjects because it takes a thief to catch a thief.  After a complete useless training program has been chartered the bank adopts it as a standard and by management who is the shaan that one must fear is now a policy that must be implemented.  Now once on the way to Thailand (the land of little boys and girls for sale) our bankers go off to invest in practical training – to be bigger schmucks.  There are also those who are armed with mobile phones that have video recording capabilities to beat a pd170 there are those who go with them. Now whether we like it or not after the lectures of being in a five star hotel are done the practical’s start.

Expensive gifts in glass bottles and watches, ties even mobile phones that these schmucks cannot afford are given to those they must appease.  Now those that are new in the ranks are advised by the older schmucks (you can tell them by the lines under their eyes from ducking from their own conscience and the enormous bellies they waddle around with) to invest in the flesh trade to appease their bosses and ensure that the relaxing massages by transsexuals keep cuming so that these guys are the favored ones.

Just as the God father used to do in his meetings there is a huge setting somewhere back home where awards will be passed out to the town – not in a hall with professional settings rather to those who have invested in their futures.  Ok so this is the investment one makes.  Did anyone think what damage a jealous person can do with a mobile phone that has a camera.  Now to be posted on the internet would bring down a lot of bankers and bankrupt not only them rather the whole standard of banking which they represent as stated in their own charters.

I have seen a couple of very interesting videos and a whole archive of pictures which are amazing at what investment the lower ranks who were un noticed and not thought of as a threat have.  I marvel at how when I was a guest of the federal government in Karachi I met a man who was also a guest.  The weird thing was it was an education not incarceration!   Whilst I was a prisoner he was a guest and a teacher.  He taught me one thing NEVER FORGIVE & NEVER FORGET!  Today I evolved but the world won’t let me forgive and society will never let me forget!
It’s the standards that are chartered by clueless schmucks which will always bring us down.

SURVIVING RAMADAN

I am a wounded Muslim super hero! No cape! No powers that make me fly or peek through clothing but gifted by the almighty with a cast iron stomach!  I am "Mr. Hero Rozaydar"

Being raised in Karachi and having had pretty much anything off the roads I am able to survive any aunty’s spicy nehari and baboos biryani…  I have survived as a super hero ingesting pretty much anything halal because I live by the belly watchers super hero philosophy of – if you can cook it – then eat it and no matter how it tastes to state always with a smile it tasted like chicken…

Every super hero faces an arch enemy and mine is Iftari time at Ramadan – I am forced to visit dubious settings where carnivorous and not so polite elite gentry meet.  After holding back all desires of lust for food these people swarm upon the feasts like vultures out of Ethopia.  As I fight my way through the evil crowd of folk who only talk about everything holy I have to defend myself from a vicious mob of people who are out to get that last ghulab jaman…

As the siren goes off one thinks that the holocaust just took place as the feeling of being in a concentration camp sets in.  Humans are converted into kinetic vacuums and they have the ability to devour anything in their path.  Amidst the grunting gagging and swallowing the only sound that can be heard is the praise of the newest member who has just joined the ranks of those who fast.  

After the goodies are gone belts are loosened and the chairs pushed back – begins a verbal orgy of humiliating the menu leave alone the cook.  Then after releasing pressure from both ends a discussion begins amidst the wry smiles holding cigarettes at their biggest achievement of not smoking for a day…

Why did I begin by saying I’m a super hero well because I had to survive an entire day amidst people who thought they were doing the world a favor by fasting – they tried to run me down as I hobbled down the road because they had a mission to go home and lay in slumber in front of the boob tube because the pangs of fasting were setting in. I survived how each person declared they had just bought a first class ticket to heaven by fasting and how their demons had vanished and only in a few hours of being in this holy month they had had a life changing experience…  I survived and after 24 hours from a simple human being I have been transformed into a human blender – twenty five minutes after I left the iftar till this moment I am faced with a dilemma – anything solid that goes through my mouth is coming out as a slurpee (not by choice)

I began writing this to advise my fellow friends who fast of a few things to keep ready in your own super hero  utility belts -  eno fruit slats two packets / immodium  - as per your body size / disprin / esphagol / baby, and adult diapers / lots of paper towels and three bottles of water – one incase you need to re-hydrate your  self and use your imagination for the two others.

Now the second essentials that will make you look goofy are as follows (binoculars – to see the feasts that are far from you / spiked running shoes to run faster than the crowd to get to the table and a dupatta or a wife (who has a dupatta) to throw what you cant fit on your plate – taking a tray from home to an iftar would be plain rude – earplugs would also be great to block out the screams of the toddlers that you would trample whilst making it to the buffet table – lastly a nose clamp would do miracles in keeping everything inside you after you are hit with the smell of ittar sweat and cheap knock off perfumes once you have filled yourself enough and we can see the menu in your eyeballs

As you are reading this you survived the first day and now that was a major achievement that you are able to call someone and discuss what’s up for sehri  - you traded one devil for a few sins but your conscience is clear (gluttony / greed & vanity) but who cares as long as you don’t get stains on your hand stitched local designer wear its all ok…  remember that you have quite a few more to go so get your self charged up right and be that super hero that you wanted to be after thrity days of fasting I’m sure you will celebrate.  Just know the answer for what before you ask that of yourself…  Humility / patience / solitude and a piece of mind bringing you closer to your maker or just the opposite – go one be a super hero this world needs more of them!

PINKY!

When a person is alive we do our best to humiliate / mock / ridicule and destroy them…  When the same person is six feet under we ensure that we elevate the being that once was to the level of a saint so that we can free our selves from the chains of guilt! -  written by me!

There was a girl named pinky!...  She was born into an affluent family in Pakistan…  As she grew up she witnessed character and then the death of her father…  Educated by the best house of education in England she was prosecuted beaten and bashed by many who could not even care…  a few years later after surviving society she was lucky to have been around when the need of the common man was in search of a leader! 

Pinky defined all that the people wanted!  A soft face to represent them, the vigor that they needed to survive and the vision to forsee hope for the common man.   After years of suffering many tragedies … luck smiled upon her and somehow she got the chance to do something good. God only knows if it was bad luck or just misfortune that on the poker table she was playing she got dealt a terrible hand.

Pinky was someone who we all loved to hate – yet once around her we hated to love her…  they say that murder is a crime of passion as only if you give a damn about someone can you commit murder.  Pinky committed murder!  She killed her own hopes and dreams to live for others.  She was a smile one could count on and a muslim woman amongst a whole nation of confused conservatives who loved the ideology of as long as its not my neck on the line then it’s cool…

Being a mother a daughter and a wife pinky did her bit…  But then the bit did her in.  One day pinky met a tragic fate and the people went insane.  They hated to love her but yet the love of hate was stronger….  Pinky was gone and now the people were lost… There was no one to blame…  When we buried Pinky we buried an ideology of freedom and choice…  the sad thing is that even in misery there is some kind of profit and with the current situation we tend to overlook our own misery with a quick fix resolution.  The body that was buried in some hick town was that of a girl next door… 

Today the misery carries on in the form of a legacy…    No matter what will happen we will never forget Pinky and the legacy will never remember Pinky!  Pinky was  an excellent friend a mother and a brilliant mind…  She was also a terrible politician that could not keep her friends at a distance and her enemies closer…

God Bless you Pinky!


(Pinky was the pet name of the late Benazir Bhutto!)

HOLLYWOOD! MADRASSA OF THE WEST!

For years now I have heard about the famous world war and how Adolf Hitler brainwashed a nation into committing genocide. For the same amount of years I have been witness to the west screaming to the world press about how we in Pakistan breed hate through our religious institutions better known as madrassahs. Also I have been at various venues where it was discussed how we as a nation we harboring those who bred hate and brainwashed the masses into thinking that the west was evil… I always kept quiet as I am a citizen of Pakistan and was somewhat embarrassed at the possibility of this being true…

There is a saying that one should not cast a stone when one lives in a glass house... or should they!

I had a great revelation from the Angel of Hollywood when I sat munching popcorn amongst a few foreigners in a hall where the new movie SALT was playing. With lips that screamed where’s the lollipop and a carefully highlighted and better than catwalk physique Angelina Jolie hopped around the whole movie which had multiple plots. Being somewhat analytical I was shocked to see the undertone of the film… Then I realized that supposed blockbusters that had come out over the years had all not earned much revenue from the box office as they all had a plot where either Vietnam / Russia / Iraq and then Israel & Afghanistan now North Korea, Pakistan & Afghanistan have been the stage settings for all that is bad in the west.

The funny thing is that not only did these movies meet up to expectations rather neither did the red white and blue crusade against whatever the cause was do well at all. When Warbus – Platoon and Full Metal jacket came out it showed courage and the true hog riding hero but in reality they got spanked in Vietnam very badly like a school boy and had to resort to agent orange which has had disastrous effects till this date on their own healthcare due to their own being affected by it.

The allied west got their way with Saddam but then they could not eradicate an entire school of faith (that would be what hitler did) but recent flicks that depicted their success like Jarhead etc depicted fantastic extractions of western prisoners and abductees when Pakistan was undergoing its internal nuclear issues George Clooney and Nicole Kidman starred in a action packed movie where the nuclear device was created by a man who was from Pakistan and obviously a shia muslim.

Enter Rambo three and the beginnings of the afghan troubles and now with the sinking of the boats in eastern waters jolie hops around with Russian and North Korean ties… After being gangraped by them and abducted by them… She in turn is a modern day alice in wonderland who when she went down the hole came out with a hot figure an uzi but had made a choice to defect to the west… ironically they don’t have too much success over there either… Kim Jong whoever is still eating his noodles and all the west is doing is burning fuel on the seas. Now it needs the fuel so it can’t leave Iraq either… hmmmmmmmm…..

If we teach our children about Islam we breed terrorists – But if Hollywood shows their sexpot being ravaged by North Koreans to children who idolize her does that not also breed hate in a more aggressive manner… I want to ask you isn’t this subliminal messaging at its very best… If these children grow up hating anything to do with a religion or a country then guess what Hitler won! Now that we all live in glass houses who has the rocks to cast the first stone!

GETTING TO THE ROOT OF THE MATTER

 A couple of weeks ago I visited a friend and his wife who had been blessed with a child.  To add to the joy in a muslim society the child was a boy so I guess it was time to bring out the bubbly and cigars and rejoice.   As we exchanged greetings I noted an element of stress in his tone. 

After the pleasantries and the cosmetic smiles and hugs with the parents we were served an excellent array of goodies that one can only be found in a house that has just been blessed with a new wife or a child…  My wife and I left we were quiet and as we got out of the driveway an epiphany hit us… The new father was extremely uneducated in how he could afford educating this new blessing of the almighty.  Mind you the man was a top notch sales head for a major technology firm with Benjamin Franklins all around him.

As we engrossed ourselves in a discussion about education we realized the following that no one or anybody wanted to accept any responsibility for the current literacy rate today.  In passing the buck one did not look at the fact that schools like Roots / Grammar / Froebels  did not enroll children rather they were all stuck with a confused generation of little tyrants that were bi-products of their own parents confusion.  Today’s child grows up extremely fast mentally and is an emotional weapon. One with which a parent who themselves grew up with in the 80’s or 90’s cannot keep up with. 

We realized that when we were growing up there was a level of innocence and that we went out to play all over our neighborhoods with the endorsement of our parents.  In our day we were made to read and write and gain knowledge also our parents took the time to establish a bond with us which was based upon a sound and firm foundation of respect,  Our parents were our mentors and unlike today where we have confused children into believing that parents are friends and destroyed all family values our social stigmas were a fraction of what they are today.
People say that schooling is very expensive…  Well why don’t parents take the responsibility today to understand quality and where their responsibilities start and where the teacher’s role comes in.  the media has confused our children so why do we add to it with vague boundaries of what is acceptable and what is not.  Parents do not discipline their kids today at all.  One has to understand and be fair to an educator before they go barging into a school whining and complaining that their child was humiliated by being made to stand in a corner because they were verbally offensive.

Also what is impressive is the fact that how the modern day child has had the ability and power to change the English language… there are more three letter abbreviations and a whole Iliad of new words that one knows are not socially acceptable that this generation has developed to add to Websters or oxford dictionary… 
By being stressed about the cost of educating your own child you do not add to the problem rather you present the image of a parent that does not have any parenting skills.  You need to give up the chocolate latte time and your manicures and maybe manage your schedule further and do the boring job of sitting down and explaining tangents to your child before they go off on one by being brainwashed by someone who really does not care in doing your job for you after school hours. No amount of money cell phones and hand me down family cars justify the establishment of family values and quality time which will be a major factor in stopping children  from finding other avenues to satisfy this void created by parents.

On a closing note it should be noted that in the past decades we have through our children discovered that we cannot replace love with money…  time is extremely important and a bond between a child and parents leads to helping the child decide that they do not want to be teenage parents.  That maybe if they could talk their issues out the youth might not resort to chemical based recreational substitutes to try and hide their misery…  Bottom line as a parent if you talk the talk – then walk the walk and yes you will have to stop blaming a system that you created… and take responsibility…

A REASON TO COMPLAIN

As Pakistanis we gained our independence in the glorious year of 1947 August 14th We gained a lot that day.  We gained the right o march down from the Himalayas to the Indian ocean with pride that this bit of land carved out for us was a nation behind which stood a progressive Islamic ideology!  We gained the wisdom of a social system that only a few could have perceived as freedom to ensure that we tried to ensure democracy.  We gained the ability to reincarnate our past every few years military rule – supposed democracy – military rule – democracy supposedly – now start again (you get my point) We also inherited the fantastic ability to never let go and let our scars heal.  We also by the grace of Almighty Allah inherited the ability to seek for short term happiness rather than invest in a long term solution.  As a nation we have bashed and brutally assassinated every person who came to power (because we empowered them in the first place) and this justifies my last point of what we inherited together – vanity and hypocrisy.

We always have a reason to whine moan and groan about what is wrong,  Give us a cowboy hat and the statue of liberty and guess what we could also do a fine job at messing up the rest of the world should we find time to stop squabbling amongst ourselves.  We are PAK ISTAN which is translated means we are the land of the pure.  Now if you look at this crystal vase that we supposedly are then we have one religion which is supposed to predominate over the land but that is split into the shias and the sunnis – when not squabbling over who’s right and who’s wrong in a land that was formed that every muslim would be free these two sects are further divided amongst themselves and on can identify them from the color of their turbans from the province of sindh they start with green and then black and when they get to the Pashtun province some say you might even see a pink turbaned couple of males walking hand in hand.  So in principle we love to be united yet different.  Now every province speaks a separate language and each of its prominent citizens who love the aspect of feudalism still fuel the ideology of getting something for free…  these bigwigs wind up at most places to get whatever they can from their social clout and then the love to complain how terrible it was.

What happened to one nation working together and living the dream the Quaid saw.  Now we have Quaid Altaf / Quaid Sharif (with or without a big wig) Quaid Zardari  and so on.  Why do we even elect a person to power if we are going to start bashing him or her for every action they take.  This whole deal of stating that our president is off gallivanting in Europe whilst Pakistan drowns makes us look bad.  What do they want – AZ to show up with a hand pump at every doorstep…  This is ridiculous we have a system so why not let it work.  If people do not want to work or leave their land cruiser because they will step in a puddle then fine but why do our people take personal pleasure in criticizing mocking and making fun of everything any government tries to do.

First they called him Mr. ten percent…  his graduation certificate upheld the entitlement of a murderer and a thief…  ok so what was Pakistan thinking when they empowered him.  Where were all those who were willing to be so called martyrs when they gave him the right to oust a military dictator.  I’m sure that this polo player did not ride in wielding a polo stick and knock out the senate and the assembly… then why did they let him get elected… further more why were they all there for the first few months thinking that it was going to be a party of pirates on board the jolly roger.

Everyone came every one partied everyone had hopes everyone had dreams and then they started crying when the honeymoon was over…  nobody thought that they would have to take responsibility…  One man cannot come to power alone a nation brought him to power under this inherited democracy – so a whole nation has to be a part of the here and the now of what is going on and take responsibility. Either that or a cocktail mixture of Prozac and valium might do the trick mixed with some fermented beverages (only for medicinal purposes of course) in the upper ranks of those who stir up trouble. 

The day we learn to take responsibility and actually love to love our selves can we love anyone else and a country…  We are bloody patriotic whilst we clean the toilets of Heathrow…  we love to stand 12 hours in line to see if we would get a chance to be on either side of the Niagara falls – but have we ever planned a vacation to shandur where polo the sport of kings was born.  Do we travel to the thar desert to see the majesty of the sunset…  do we walk down the old bazaars of Rawalpindi and lahore and look up at the grace of those structures that withstood the time… Do we ever drive by Faisalabad and wonder why there are six directions leading out of the center of the town…  Do we ever go to old karachi to see if those food vendors we used to beg for munchies on credit are still there…  I guess not because we are too busy texting someone whilst driving daddy’s car about how bad it is not to be able to be on face book as we are stick in traffic. 

STOP COMPLAINING MAN – ITS NOT FATE OR DESTINY…. AS THE DECISIONS YOU MADE YESTERDAY LED TO YOUR MISERY TODAY – ACCEPT IT AND TAKE RESPONSIBILITY!

FAH-QUE

(PRONOUNCE THE HEADING LOUDLY AS SPELLED BUT DECIPHER AS FREQUENTLY ASKED HARD QUESTIONS)

If you are a parent then you have surely come across the most famous one of these “Where do babies come from?” asked by your offspring whilst you are in the midst of looking totally cool and do not need embarrassment.  If you are a citizen of Pakistan then I am sure the most commonly FAH-Q that is going through your grey matter is “Who should I give money to in this disaster so that my money or donation will be of good use?”

Well lo and behold I have the answer that might help you understand the BIG FAH-Q ”increase the salaries of your hired goons and also invest in an arsenal of all kinds of weapons and security systems to guard your moveable and immovable assets!”

Why because one needs to understand that necessity is the mother of all invention and right now over 14 million homeless people are sitting on road sides in a state of shock without food and water.  So whilst we drive around going to our iftar parties in our leased plastic surroundings these chaps have nothing at all not even a home…  also do consider history all the greatest wars have been fought over land, religion and women, so you have a whole army of those whom you ignored who after they recover from the shock of being done over by nature will start moving in huge caravans towards the cities…  These people will be questioning their faith will be looking for a piece of land and will be trying to protect their women…

When they see you driving around in your new Honda civic and your kids have all the cash that you borrowed for to give them for eidi this will add their frustration…  Reality is that after hanging around the street corners they will be abused by the very same cops that you paid to keep them away and you will not realize that those who are of that society who are protecting you area a part of them…  Blood is thicker than water and soon it shall start to trickle…

This will give rise to inflation which will not affect you right now but then it will also lead to increasing the blood flow as your servants start feeding those who have come down for which they were earning money.  Now the masses have a vision and any opportunist will start screaming roti kapra makaan and guess what eventually you will have to give in…  My prediction is that the cars you drive will be armor plated – you will never be able to go to the atm without being jacked for the 5,000 ruppees that you took out for your manicure and all because u never stopped to think about FAH-Q

The FAH-Q that had to be considered a long time ago was what should we have don’t to prevent the present FAH-Q that we face today…  the answer comes in the form of one word…  EDUCATION!  Had we educated the masses and the people rather than buying an arsenal of god only knows what we could have avoided this flooding by nature – which in turn would have kept us safe driving around to Clifton – Liberty and Daman E Koh…

This is also an indirect flood warning – The flood of people about to descend upon your cities will drown the cities resources in crime and poverty…  Please buy a life saver that is fully automatic and train your kids how to use them…  Please understand that desperate times call for desperate measure and that these are desperate people… If we had given them a book some time ago then today we would not have to buy weapons… The answer to the last big FAH-Q that your kids will ask you is that “guns don’t kill people – people kill people!” 

DEMOCRACY AND THE MURDER OF CROWS

Democracy is the best revenge is a cliché often plagiarized by people who wanted a little bit of camera time and even though they stated it they never meant it…  In our democratic nation we have gone against all odds and elected people who have had dual nationalities to add to our achievements in our version of democracy we have also had our main commercial center run by various visionaries who gave up the citizenship of this land.  In my opinion we have been very good with our profiling of this murder of crows that murdered democracy. 

We ensure that each of our leaders is ensured with safe passage out of this nation either via a dual nationality being hidden somewhere or something that we all hate known as the ECL fails to be updated miserably or gets lost when we need it the most. Bottom line we do not support our own words by letting them be accountable after the democratic murder of crows has assassinated the hopes of an entire country.

To disguise the real issues we have established clearly that anyone with a beard of over six inches is to be blamed and when we can’t find anyone then blame it on the red white and blue.   Yeah anything will do as long as it takes away focus from the crux of the matter.  In reality if we look at the western ideology of democracy let’s start with Amreeeka.  According to what is stated in the constitution we all know that an immigrant can never be the custodian of the seal of the 52 states… it is also to be noted that the person be of a certain age and rise through the ranks of the “system”.  First of all every one of us has a hidden agenda and as Pakistani’s we are well known for tucking away the second passport.  To add to the list of demons in our wallets let’s just say that we always blame the system that we have created \i had a discussion with an Islamic scholar once who stated that the bible has many versions – I could as a citizen of this country relate to that very clearly as yes our constitution also has the old testament and then many new versions to suit every progressive leader to suffice his for-ex accounts. 

I am a firm believer that the true training for washing away all your sins for judgment day begins when you are reborn as a politician.  This second birth is unique it’s a special birth as it give you extreme focus.  Focus on how block your conscience focus on how to manipulate people and the world to achieve material wellbeing and the ability to strip away or hide your humanity.  

Why do we blame America for everything that happens to us or keep bitching about how we were enslaved by the British.  It is purely disgusting to watch as the murder of crows hide behind a thin veil of religion, violence and aristocratic rights and fancy cigars attacking the west for all that has happened in the past.  The funny thing is these people were the ones who ran off to Britain not bhawalpur for a holiday and had some relative in Chicago not shikarpur and went hunting for fabrics in France and not Faisalabad.  When not planning a business trip they are conning some low life person who could not make it here into marrying of their spawn. 

Before I end my wailing and whining about blaming the west I wanted to chat about those who found islam and were re-born Pakistanis whilst picking up trash in ellis island or scrubbing toilets in heathrow…  All these ding dongs do is come back as terribly confused people and confuse our own here.  Under the guise of religion and whilst stroking their beards they claim to know how to fix Pakistan but as long as they don’t have to stay here…  As long as these people have a quick exit option they will create trouble cause confusion and run back to their jobs as cab driverse.
 
If you want to fix Pakistan then make it an important part of being elected that once you stand for any office in the so called failed system you will hand over your other passport and only hold onto a green one.  Also make it a point that anyone who is in office and has just been ousted by fate or retired needs to spend a minimum of five years here in this country…  if you want to add to the filtration process and murder the murder of crows then change the name of the ECL to PCL (politician control list)

To skip down the rabbit hole further stop bashing the HEC and universities and anything red white and blue and tell these people that it does not matter how textually enlightened they are rather they need to be audited whilst in office and out of office…  bottom line FREE THE PRESS…

Every few years a murder of crows kills us a little more by bringing us on the verge of civil war but all these murderers really want to go to heaven.  And I believe that (not joking) as a fellow citizen I ask you to tell them that heaven only comes after you die… 
Respect to those with one passport…

DEGREE TAU DEGREE HAI – MAGAR CV TO DEKHO!

Give a Pakistani a fish and you will feed him for a week! Give an Italian a fish and you will send a death message from the God father! Give a Bangladeshi a fish and he will breed so many that a new fish farming industry will arise. Now teach a Pakistani to fish and he will take off with your motorboat, teach an Italian to fish and he will run Chicago and teach a Bangladeshi to fish and he will always violate Pakistani fishing waters… Do the same for an Indian and either ways they get the RAW deal of being incarcerated…

Now let’s take this thingy a little further… Give the Bangladeshis technology and they will establish an outsourcing industry for the west… Do the same for the Italians and they will design the best looking fishing boat… Do it for the Indians and they will make it cheaper and use Hanuman as a logo on the bow… Give a Pakistani a mobile phone, a keyboard and a mouse – and you have all the politicians in their chuddies on you tube!

As of late I am witness to trash being thrown around all over the internet… People are posting all kinds of nasties about every politician they can lay their hands on… If one looks at the statistics on the internet then most of the cyber porn that originates out of Pakistan comes from corporate offices… Yes whilst doing research every corporate citizen is guilty of going to various kinky illicit websites and / or having an online buddy named Nadya who is usually Nadir that is a 13 year old closet homosexual and getting his rocks off and the poor guy does not realize that so called Nadya say the name will become NAAA DIYA!

The latest escapade of mails stating what corruption one has done what crimes one has quashed due to some power is the latest social topic of discussion. One that really caught my eye was the bashing of the Higher Education Commission and the phone calls that attacked the various stake holders to guarantee that even MBA’s bought 30 minutes before an epaper bachelors is credible… Some even went on to scream that a degree is a degree to the press and there is no reason to be disqualified from the post that should be given to an educated person… Ok let’s just put the screams and the moans aside as we all know that companies leave alone the federal govt NEVER verifies a degree as there is a level of integrity that has to maintained and one of the key factors should be trust…

Let’s focus on the resume’s or CV’s (before or after the degrees god only knows) The average resume to be a good politician is the ability to get elected and have a USP for your self – several female MNA’s have a habit of being brutally noisy even though they do not believe in the cause – many male MNAS also like to be equally noisy in the assembly by humiliating women.. The other thing that you must have on your resume to be a good politician is to believe your own lies or be a stooge for someone who has no conscience… To add to the things that one needs to be in an elected government is the ability to deny every sense of responsibility. Also friends in high places within the business community are a good tool to help you win…

To get a position in the elected government you need to have some kinky fetish – having a few drinks and dancing in a saree helps… to get a federal ministers position it is a necessity to be able to have tons of land (hopefully not under water) that you have inherited or loads of moolah from selling various spices or powders if not lives…

Want to go higher then the CV must have your ability to be a chameleon and a hyena – you need to be able to be swift in changing colors from lota to a cycle and the ability to attack your own only in a pack. Acha now if you want the head honchos seat in the national assembly then go ahead (numero uno) then a term in any thana will not do for driving with contraband liquids or women – a murder charge or two is a MUST!

Now I realize why some of my favorite politicians like Imran Khan, Azhar Jadoon, are not really politicians… I call them social workers… Much to my dismay (as he has had all the above) Mian Shahbaz Sharif is also on this list… Why because these people have actively done things hands on. I have witnessed the lesser Sharif picking garbage out of flooded gutters in Lahore and showing up on a CD 70 without any goons to a flood affected area and shocking the pants off everyone… I wonder who ran away on a CD 50 and declared it as their only asset at the UK embassy… people don’t Know that Azhar Jadoon tried desperately to get arrested but failed miserably as he told the people from his halka to STOP the Abbotabad Riots… (funny thing is this man actually has a real degree in medicine and politics was thrown upon him) Little do people know that the great khan (womanizer as we all say) went through some trouble in Great Britain but guess what the woman who he dumped was the first one in line to stand with a placard (mind you she is a mem saab – if we were still under british rule) to free him… Does anyone know why Salahuddin Abbassi is a man who gets several tickets and is known as a king maker – yet he never took the throne because he already has one… he is the Nawab of Bhawalpur… all these chaps would be useless in government and I urge you to strongly NOT support them as they have the credible degrees BUT they just don’t have the right resumes for the job…

It’s very sad huh – I guess we all do go on cv’s so why are degrees so important! We should have an election song that goes
degree tau degree hai magar cv tau dekho
hara aur safaid ko choro – laal aur hara to dekho
is kursi main kiya zameer hain yeh to na dekho
choro gay to rose petal key roll kharid lo…