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Friday, November 15, 2013

FAH-Q

"FAH-Q"

When one walks around the Karachi Gymkhana these days he or she will be hounded by longtime friends (old farts smelling of strong cheap ittar) who are today strangers that will take a sudden interest bearing a cheap plastic smile and after asking their wellbeing will usually ask “Are you Temporary or Permanent?” (membership status that is – BUT in reality are you that diaper rash I want to deal with or can brush aside to carry on my duties for the Demi-God (presidential candidate) that I serve whilst stripping myself of my own dignity by being the biggest schmuck going) 

Test this theory if you are in your mid-thirties / forties f you reply “Temporary” their smile will drop into a dismayed look but will pop up again into a fake hopeful smile when they ask you using your last name “____ sahab kaisay hain?” (as in is your old man still alive, and if so is he sane and able to move around on a stretcher / wheelchair or has an ambulance where he may be dragged through the gutters to cast that damn vote that this scoundrel is trying to bag) Should you say that you buried your father 3 years ago and never saw this Johnny at the funeral where the Biryani was free he will leave you with a big FAH-Q! (shout the abbreviation out as a single word and you have your answer)

Now the FAH-Q is (oh by the way it stands for Frequently Asked Hard Question, children are reading so come on no profanity please!)  “Aap permanent ban na chahian gay!” (emphasis on the word “gay” is duly stressed) the reason is because this monkey who escaped from the looney bin will now use what he has as a last resort and that is try to grow a tail on you like he has with one of the seven deadly sins which is greed by bartering the cost of a permanent membership against the hopes that his “Pakora, Samosa or Fruit Chaat” (by the way all these fried unhealthy desi treats have one thing common in them and that is Aaloo’s) or whatever group wins the elections of the KG!  So now in order to save your hard earned 7 or 8 lacs (I do not know the going rate as these jokers seem to inflate and deflate it to meet their own needs as and when they require) to become permanent he will expect you to abandon all forms of common sense and become a club lobby rat and start soliciting those community members and trade your professional respect as he himself has done so for some ridiculous cause you could not care for.

Hanging around the Karachi Gym Khana these days has become a pain and a nightmare it seems that people are more focused on investing for 30 days to strip the club dry of (forget money) but the ethos behind what it stood for in the rule book for the next eleven months.  If you have any form of common sense you will understand that you do not need Quran TV, Hum TV, Geo Super, or even Star World this is because a simple visit there to the bakery will leave you with an experience where you will experience more dramatics, satta & obnoxious hypocritical piety there than anywhere in Pakistan.  Maybe if you want to find safe haven you might go and hang out at the Parliament in Isloo where you will find that Pakistan will progress faster than the KG because there is a system in all this organized social chaos you will witness at the club.

I have a feeling that we will be able to resolve the Kashmir issue with India quicker than rid ourselves of this lot of merry pirates who every year propose “temporary solutions to a permanent problem which in actuality is themselves” This year when you vote kindly ask yourselves the following questions in the following order.
  1. Has the person been in touch with you as a “Fraand” throughout the year?
  2. Has the person remembered you at other times of the year when it did not benefit him in anyway shape or form?
  3. Is the person asking for the vote bitching about his opponent to make himself look good?
  4. If he is so then is it about club issues or the fact that his childs driver is having an affair with the complainants maasi? (or any other ridiculous non-relevant matter to the club you can think of)
  5. Lastly is your self-respect and dignity that cheap that you will settle down for what this clown is offering in the form of the price tag he is putting on the value of his friendship with you?

I for one am running around the KG with a big badge saying “FAH-Q am I Temporary or Permanent?” whoever answers it correctly will get a big lollypop!


Thursday, November 14, 2013

ALL ABOUT 72

ALL ABOUT 72

As all we can ever do is produce soaps that are focused around tribulations and warring factors between the Saas & the Bahu and all the misdemeanors of horrors of being the middle class our society has dragged its self and become addicts towards the “Silver Screen Slavery” of the Indians.  Therefore rather than Jinnah & Iqbal I feel its befitting to quote the late Mahatma Gandhi “If I had an army like the 72 soldiers of Hussain, I would have won freedom for India in 24 hours.”

As of late our cities are a blaze by the clerics who have fueled senseless masses with tensions which speak ill of any and all form of what Islam stands for and rather have ignited Fires burning those daigs of celebration into the ashes and last rites of the innocent bystanders and rather than the masses watching religious programs they are yet once again glued to the news channels where all they hear are wailing sirens of ambulances as they carry away the dead bodies of those who did not deserve it.

To all my suicide bomber friends if you feel that you will get 72 “Virgins” in heaven for such a cowardly act of hurting another soul you should read our Holy book and try to understand its value before you bestow a bucketful of tears upon unwilling widow’s, and parentless children.  Thank you for making every mothers nightmare a reality when she has to bury her own children who unwillingly died at your hands because you were under the illusion you are getting lucky with 72 of Allah’s finest!

Sadly you illiterate lot forgot to read the actual meaning of the Quran and it is mentioned below quoted from (Wikipedia) etc. & multiple sources as well that ironically the 72 virgins you so like to refer to are the chosen few who are unmatched in “spiritual” beauty just as the 72 of Hussain.  They did not die in vein, they died for a cause and that cause was love not hate.  You cannot ever compare yourselves to the number 72 because it is a holy number whether you like it or not (for once don’t look at my references and google it)

Now I refer to our most beloved Holy Prophet and what he had to say (P.B.U.H)…  * "Hussain is of myself and I am of Hussain. O' Allah be pleased with those who please Hussain and hate those who hate Hussain."  These holy words were uttered by the Holy Prophet (P.B.U.H), the one who never speaks of his own desire but only as inspired to him by the one Mighty in power.

Last but not least * "Hassan and Hussain are masters of youth in Paradise." Therefore I justify my analysis that the number 72 is a holy reference and by no means should it be misconstrued for the satirical facade displayed by those who strap on RDX and take the lives of unwilling sons and daughters of Islam

When the Noor believed in peace and all his bloodline direct and indirect believed in the philosophy of “love shall conquer all” it was understood that a life that was extinguished was an honored soul going up to join the chosen few.  How on earth can mortal common men with their own preconceived notions of what Islamic justice means dictate to the masses how to behave in society and how can be so righteous as to pass judgments in the form of “Fatwa’s” upon us “Muslims”.  Ironically if it is not the Jews then it’s the west and if not that then some other concoction which will fuel the masses is set ablaze to dishonor  every and anything that our beloved Prophet (P.B.U.H) and his blood line stood for!

How can a cleric compare himself equal to the likes of Allah’s chosen one (P.B.U.H) and his favorites whilst sitting in some cave wielding any form of weapon.  It is so sad that these clerics feel that this is Islamic Monopoly and they all want is a “go to paradise FREE card” yet none of them wants to pay the cost for going there.  (As in you have to die to go to heaven)  Our religion is one of love and not one that instills fear in children about the “Shaitan” rather when our Holy Prophet (P.B.U.H) asked people to listen to him they embraced Islam because he gave them a choice of love and more love, he did so with love and not fear.  So the 72 of Hussain did the same.  They closed their eyes in the faith of Allah and marched to their eternal happiness and chosen destiny by the Almighty out of love.

I do not know what Satanic Verses these cowardly lot read or decipher but I do know the fact that if you read our Holy Quran it is a perfect way of life and most of all it asks you to embrace each other with love and respect and to accept those who you cannot stand because it is his will as told to you by “One” (P.B.U.H) you will never become equal to.   So rather than trying to ensure your time on earth is politically correct you should spend it here in living as well as “Dying” by the sword of “Hazrat Ali”

Now as I close do thing of my reference to the number 72 and if you agree with me then do share what and how you feel about the situation today!  If you feel anger and hate then turn it into love and embrace the one next to you forgiving and washing his sins away with the tears of those who had to bury their loved ones today and half our battles are already won!





REFERENCE POINTS
Quranic description[edit]
The houri have variously been described as being "restraining their glances (chaste)",[7][8] "modest gaze",[4] "wide and beautiful/lovely eyes",[3][7][9] "like pearls",[3] "spouse",[10] "companions of equal age",[2] "splendid",[1] "voluptuous",[11] and much more besides.

Shia scholar description[edit]
Still all in accordance with the Quran, the basic fact of the description of this beauty is how good deeds take the ideal order and proportion to physical forms, how they won't fade away over time, and how they accompany their performers.[12] This description is widely used in Sufism and mysticism.[13]

Quran[edit]
The houri are mentioned in several places in the Quran, although in plural no specifics are given as to the number of houries available. Likewise it does not appear from the Quran that they are only women; both sexes are mentioned (although their descriptive qualities are feminine, as alluded to, by the hadiths). They are made available to all believers, not just martyrs.
Thus shall it be. And We shall pairA them with companions pure, most beautiful of eye.
—Quran, sura 44 (Ad-Dukhan), ayah 54[27]
In these [gardens] will be mates of modest gaze,B whom neither man nor invisible being will have touched ere then.
—Quran, sura 55 (Ar-Rahman), ayah 56[28]
[There the blest will live with their] companions pure and modest, in pavilions [splendid]
—Quran, sura 55, (Ar-Rahman), ayah 72[29]
reclining on couches [of happiness] ranged in rows!" And [in that paradise] We shall mate them with companions pure, most beautiful of eye
—Quran, sura 52 (At-Tur), ayah 20[30]
And full-breasted [companions] of equal age
—Quran, sura 78 (An-Naba'), ayah 33[31]
Here are verses that refer to one's spouse recreated in the hereafter:
And [with them will be their] spouses, raised high: for, behold, We shall have brought them into being in a life renewed, having resurrected them as virgins
—Quran, sura 56 (Al-Waqiah), ayat 34-36[32]
And among His wonders is this: He creates for you mates out of your own kindC so that you might incline towards them, and He engenders love and tenderness between you: in this, behold, there are messages indeed for people who think! ... And He it is who creates [all life] in the first instance, and then brings it forth anew: and most easy is this for Him, since His is the essence of all that is most sublime in the heavens and on earth, and He alone is almighty, truly wise.
—Quran, sura 30 (Ar-Rum), ayat 21...27[33]
There are also verses regarding both genders explicitly:
Allah has promised the believers, both men and women,D gardens through which running waters flow, therein to abide, and goodly dwellings in gardens of perpetual bliss: but Allah's goodly acceptance is the greatest [bliss of all] -for this, this is the triumph supreme!
—Quran, sura 9 (At-Taubah), ayah 72[34]
As for anyone - be it man or womanE - who does righteous deeds, and is a believer withal - him shall We most certainly cause to live a good life, and most certainly shall We grant unto such as these their reward in accordance with the best that they ever did.
—Quran, sura 16 (An-Nahl), ayah 97[35]
A verse regarding other companionship:
And, O our Sustainer, bring them into the gardens of perpetual bliss which Thou hast promised them, together with the righteous from among their forebears, and their spouses, and their offspring - for, verily, Thou alone art almighty, truly wise
—Quran, sura 40 (Ghafir), ayah 8[36]

Hadith[edit]
The Islamic traditions (hadith) also mention the houris. The hadith are divided into several types by hadith scholars, and among them, there are groups that have been poorly documented and therefore, are not valid as a reference.



Sunday, November 10, 2013

SIGNALS OF BEGGING

SIGNALS OF BEGGING

Pakistan is a country that has almost as many beggars as it does fresh graduates.  Now we are country that is thought to be filled with beggars because the begging starts right at the top.  Our elected professionals must have the following qualities in order to hold any office of choice.

  1. They must possess an authentic college degree

  1. They must always be lackeys to the west and irrespective of what they feel must have the ability to twist all national causes to suit the red white and blue

  1. They must know how to portray the entire nation after their own political faction as a victim of any senseless cause they wish to adopt

  1. They must know how to hold a begging bowl and scream for alms and attention thus claiming they are the puritans that society has abandoned

  1. In order to do this they must constantly be in a reactive state of mind rather than proactive developmental frame

We have always screamed at the west and blamed it for our issues but sadly we have not done anything to prevent this addiction of begging.  You see we are so addicted to begging that if you stand at a traffic light you will see that is exactly where the signals begin.  Professionals will come to you and tug on emotions claiming helplessness and you will hear dire stories of misfortune from your own staff as to how a relative has managed to die at least 3 times over a period of a year.

If you think about it your own household staff or office people never seem to run out of people that are dying but if this is the case then I question how can we be facing such a huge population explosion and why aren’t the morticians and gravediggers busy all the time?  Also I am quite surprised as to the amount of relatives that seem to befall upon illness due to some mysterious cause or the other yet the same sibling seems to be immune enough to struggle through it whilst working in your home over and over again year after year.

Being an Islamic nation we have our follies and these problems tend to arise usually around our religious holidays when we are overtly emotional and only harp one tasbih “zakat”!  Maybe it is my bitterness but I do not have any sisters but sadly have become a mamu many times as have you over the past year and am tired of that.  Also I fail to understand why we as an educated lot would rather provide money and try to buy our way into heaven when all we need to do is practice common sense.
I studied this mafia of street beggars for over a couple of months.  It is remarkable the rate that a signal goes for in cash.  Actually it is an entire hidden economy and to understand it one must be open minded. Let’s begin.

A contractor comes along and takes the signal at a “Bhara” (rate).  Then you have your freelancers who hop from car to jeep selling flowers, towels tissues or anything to strike an impulse buy from the traffic etc.  The contractor then places the right mix of beggars that are women with drugged out babies or conveniently pregnant and then adds on his list of favorite amputees.  The more hideous you are or can express constipation adds value to your ability to earn for the boss and you get placed at a signal of higher value where more Burgers hit the roads.   These sorts watch and see who has bought anything off an impulse buy and conveniently pop up to take the change as mercy money from the traffic because the street vendor always delays it just enough to pay you until the signal opens.

After this you have your army ants, these are a vicious lot known as the “Samad bondi’s” (glue sniffing street kids) should you argue with this lot or any other lot they will scratch your windshield and even strike a match to your emotions by spitting on you and dart away into the cars where you cannot catch them.  Usually they come with water bottles and wiper blades to clean windshields but then again I guess any form of additional revenue goes very well into the kitty. 

The street beggars take all the their notes and then believe it or not bundle the different denominations of currency and eventually sell it back to the state bank where dirty notes get replaced and new bundles are handed over with a  fee for the processing.  Also you will notice that some beggars also possess mobile phones and have the ability to SMS quite well.  Whilst you and I may possess a “China wala phone” these chaps often mock you because hidden under the layers of clothes they actually do have an i-Phone 5S.  I am seriously not kidding!  Begging does pay!  This is the same lot that once they pick up a routine form of movement from you that you always stop at the same signal at the same time with the same people will tell someone via a call or an SMS what phone you possess and somehow along the way you will be held up by some random guys on bikes!

If you look at the studies in the west of traffic flows you will notice that 73% of all accidents and these incidents happen close to where you live or work (100 – 500 yards) or an area you are familiar with this is because you are off guard in a comfort zone so you relax your senses.

Surprisingly enough none of these chaps will have hunger pangs because if you give them one hundred rupees for food they will still be lurking at the same signal after 3 hours.  I guess you mistook the fact that you thought they wanted daal & roti when they actually are trying to make enough to hit Jason’s Steak House at night for the Australian Rib Eye!  In Pakistan we have the most number of NGO’s in the world as a single country which is a fantastic racket as they are all extremely well-funded locally and also source their funds from the west and specially overseas Pakistani’s to quash poverty yet we seem to always produce more beggars than our NGO’s can seem to absorb into the system.

My advice to you is that in order to stop any form of addiction one needs to go cold turkey & by the way thanks giving and Christmas along with Ashura is on the way so please do not encourage these beggars to make more money than you and take you for a ride.  If you want to test my theory ask that woman who comes to you with a sleeping child to wake up the baby in her arms and hold in your hand a thousand rupee note.  If the child wakes up then I am wrong and this blog post is null and void!  If I am right and the child does not wake up then seriously think would you give you money to a woman who would drug a child senseless and violate your emotions!