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Saturday, March 29, 2014

NEED FOR SPEED – REVIEW

 
 NEED FOR SPEED – REVIEW

Let’s get a TWO things straight!

  1. If you are a gamer and enjoyed playing the game Need 4 Speed on any platform then you would be well aware that the game is fast paced fun and for as long as you played it you never got bored!
  2. After watching every Fast & the Furious movie you sat in your car & your wife / date was Miya you were Torretto and you wished you had a desi pump action in your hand whilst you almost tried to relive the movie on the drive home trying to hit over 80 Km in your mommy’s automatic Honda city (with CNG) that you supposedly tricked out with second hand rims from Shershah.  The series was riveting and a created a cult following in the two generations over which it was released. 

Here are the negative points I realized as I watched Need for Speed in 3D!
  1. The 3D was not impressive at all and it would have been better to have released the film in 2D. 
  2. There are strong references in the storyline / plot that made me think that the scriptwriter must have popped a lot of acid / MDMA / ecstasy and washed it down with jack daniels and whilst smoking a blunt sat down and watched the Drive / Days of Thunder / Smokey & the Bandit / Cannon Ball Run and ended it off by watching entire series of Fast & Furious and said hey lets combine plot elements from all these flicks.  Whilst production the director to add value embedded scenes from legendary Steve Mc Queens Bullit and thought he was being creative!
  3. This film was 137 minutes (as I saw the Directors cut today where I had the entire theatre to myself and realized that this movie had very slow boring patches that could have been left out!
  4. Also there are almost no technical references which made me realize that for any gearhead like me this was very disappointing!
  5. What really saddened me was the way that the driver (hero) was projected in a manner where he was dependent upon some really funky tech to help him be so great

What gave me a boner in the movie was the fact that you got to see very expensive cars that were not on the market and rare vehicles being driven like they have been stolen.  Perhaps the best thing about this film is the stunt drivers who really should be highlighted as one could clearly see that they were very skilled. 



My Advice! - See the movie but do not expect too much from it if you are a F&F freak and a gear head! It will entertain you but not bowl you over and is not a waste of money as you get the eye candy of watching hot European cars being driven!  This not one movie that one should go out of their way to see if they an alternative choice unless they need Vaseline and Kleenex when they see a European sports car!

If you need to contact me or wish to befriend me then please... 
To work with me connect with me on Linked In - http://pk.linkedin.com/in/amynaghulamali/
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Disclaimer! - The opinions I post are my own and I do not intend to hurt or offend you!  If you cannot allow me my freedom of thought then you have the right to voice an opinion and navigate away on the web.  If you follow my blog I thank you as it’s quite ridiculously entertaining...that is if you like what & how I write! 

Thursday, March 27, 2014

LOST AND FOUND IN K

LOST AND FOUND IN K
This is about how Kelly College helped me find myself when I was the biggest rebel without a clue!

I was raised in the city of Karachi, Pakistan, where there is still to this date a social segregation within its citizens that obnoxiously stands out like a zit on your forehead in your prom photograph!  I was an only child that was 14 going on 40 where I knew it all, I had done it all, I had seen it all, travelled over 30+ countries and had everything charged to the bank of dad which was withdrawal only 24 hours a day 365 days of the year! 

I loved my school as being an only child is difficult but my popularity ended my world came crashing down and I got no more birthday party invitations when in Class 5 Mrs. Parvez my class teacher got upset at me for wanting to go to the toilet for the 3rd time told me in front of my entire class that I was an “achoot” (untouchable) and she considered me to be a social outcast and a reject because I was adopted!   After that no kids wanted to sit with me after that date and I ate lunch alone.  Society in Pakistan is so politically correct that it executes you before it condemns you before it judges you before it allows you to defend yourself!  In certain circles of the social wolf pack either you’re in or you’re out! 

As I had no friends anymore I defied the norms of society and did not make an effort to blend in with the kids and was very opinionated and lost the love for being a team player.  I proudly stayed at the bottom of my class in my own world of rhetoric!   Kids came to me as I was super aggressive to the point of being violent so I was considered to be a bad ass!  One day after I got into a tiff where I went Al Capone on some guy 3 grades higher than me I was called to the principal’s office to be caned!  After caning me Colin Wrigley told me that I had not changed at all and never would.  Somehow rather than crying I laughingly pointed to him and said “By the looks of your Brown Suit you haven’t either and never will also!”  I guess that was the last straw that broke the camel’s back because Colin Wrigley called my dad and told him to remove me from the school or he would expel me! 

I was declared as one of those kids who would never make it life & KGS was indifferent about seeing me go because they had a lot of other daddies that were important that took up their time!  As no one missed me at KGS or even said good bye I was relieved that the nightmare of being a Gaymarian was over!   I lived for the moment and my parent prayed for their sanity so I was sent to Kelly College in Tavistock Devon!

When a kid of 14 went away in the 80’s it was hard on everyone and there was fear somewhere of something but NOT in me!  I was happy to be leaving Pakistan and all the clicks.  All I could think of when I was on that British Airways flight going to Heathrow was thank god I don’t have to deal with my parents after they meet those aunties who made me the topic of every coffee party on what I had done wrong!  Also I found out something else that was very weird!  When the news spread that daddy was sending me to England a lot of kids became friends suddenly before I left – I assumed it was because they thought that my dad had struck oil or something!

I had been to Great Britain many times before and all over it but as I made the 5 hour journey from London to Plymouth and then Tavistock I realized one thing – I was free!  I learned on my first day at Kelly that I was free to be who I was and could become what I wanted to be!  It was remarkable that after my first term I was at the top of my class and an outstanding student in some subjects!   I realized that I did so well because Kelly College taught me that it was ok to think for myself.  I was taught via an integrated method where there is active involvement in learning where there ia a hands on approach to experiencing an education unlike in Pakistan where it all depends upon who can inwardly digest and photocopy the entire works of Shakespeare in the mind for a 90 minute exam without understanding the meaning behind the prose. 

I realized that in KGS children were trained to be robots inr an amalgamation of Animal Farm where some animals were more equal than the others and any radical or non-conformed way of thinking was dealt with harshly by the entire structure that one might call a school.  To me it seemed that I had left a socialistic Stalin Regime and somehow landed in a Lennon performance in the middle of Woodstock!

Kelly is not great because of the teachers that it hires or the activities it has.  To be in Kelly is to experience a fantastic culture where you can become whatever you choose to do so and that too be damn good at it!  At Kelly the student community is one of the best things that it has to offer that is supported by firm principles of education beyond ones wildest dreams!   There is a saying “if you love something set it free… if it comes back to you it’s meant to be!”  Today I am lucky to be one person who is able to sleep a very peaceful sleep despite the country he lives in because I found myself at Kelly!

I have written this post not to humiliate an organization after many years but because education has become a business!  Parents do not have or cannot afford the cost of the time required to be with their kids and mentor and tutor then as a dual income is desperately required to survive today.  Also in the 80’s there was almost no debt in society which is very predominant today that affects your personal & family life immensely!  If you are going to send your child to a school then you MUST make sure that you do not go for a brand name and understand the cultural values that you want in your child that you can afford to pay for right now and for which they will have to pay for after you are gone!


You need to start from the beginning because today if you are a parent and write with your right hand you will never be able to change that habit or school of thought once it is burnt into your soul!  Ask yourself if you are doing the right thing because when I was a child I hated parents day as I would get hell after that meeting my parents had with the teachers. Today the culture has changed where in a parents teacher meeting the teachers get yelled at for everything and after that the kid gets a new iPhone!  Think about it!

If you need to contact me or wish to befriend me then please... 
To work with me connect with me on Linked In - http://pk.linkedin.com/in/amynaghulamali/
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Disclaimer! - The opinions I post are my own and I do not intend to hurt or offend you!  If you cannot allow me my freedom of thought then you have the right to voice an opinion and navigate away on the web.  If you follow my blog I thank you as it’s quite ridiculously entertaining...that is if you like what & how I write! 

UNBEATABLE PRICES!

UNBEATABLE PRICES IN PAKISTAN
HI

BEFORE YOU DO ANYTHING – PLEASE CALL YOUR VENDOR / COMPUTER WALA & CHECK MY PRICES AGAINST THE SPECS I HAVE OFFERED HERE & COMPARE IT TO WHAT HE CAN GIVE YOU!

PLEASE E-MAIL ME YOUR ORDER!

DON’T CALL ME IF YOU HAVE MY CELL NUMBER AS I AM EXTREMELY TIED UP & WILL NOT BE ABLE TO TAKE A CALL!

AS SOON AS I GET YOUR ORDER MY OFFICE WILL CONTACT YOU BACK!

I ALSO HAVE FANTASTIC PRICES YOU WILL NOT FIND IN PAKISTAN FOR APPLE PRODUCTS / MOBILE PHONES / TABLETS & GADGETS!

IF YOU WANT SOMETHING SPECIFIC PLEASE SEND ME AN EMAIL AND MY OFFICE WILL REVERT TO YOU WITH AN UNMATCHED PRICE IF WE CAN GET ONE.... AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!


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If you need to contact me or wish to befriend me then please... 
To work with me connect with me on Linked In - http://pk.linkedin.com/in/amynaghulamali/
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Disclaimer! - The opinions I post are my own and I do not intend to hurt or offend you!  If you cannot allow me my freedom of thought then you have the right to voice an opinion and navigate away on the web.  If you follow my blog I thank you as it’s quite ridiculously entertaining...that is if you like what & how I write! 

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Review on RAGINI MMS2

RAGINI MMS2
THIS IS A VERY RUDE AND OBNOXIOUS REVIEW! BE WARNED!

The film within the film! Rocks, a filmmaker who's going through a rough phase, decides to make a horrorex with adult star Sunny Leone and some television actors. His film is based on the real life story of Ragini and Uday (the story of the first installment of Ragini MMS) whose dirty weekend turns into a spooky experience when Uday gets killed by a chudail (ghost) and Ragini lands up in a mental asylum.


The story is that the spirit goes naked, gets cozy in the shower, seduces you to a lake only to kill you. What's more? She can also kill you while in the act. The lesson here is: “Think twice before a one-night stand!” (So basically it is a tease for any dude who wants to party with a chick he met off OLX)


Besides the overdose of sex, smooches and skimpy outfits, the film also has item songs that are on every boys mobile phone on mms. As far as horror is concerned, it dominates the second half, especially the climax. The sex and the adult comedy, however, diminishes the impact of spooky moments. The moment you begin to feel scared, there's something or the other to break the momentum.


A really “Good” thing about Ragini MMS 2
Sunny Leone is the best and the worst thing about Ragini MMS 2. Sadly, the sexually charged scenes shift the limelight from her acting prowess to her body. However, in the scenes where the actor takes charge from the seductress in her, she's a power packed performer. The lady has a great screen presence and a potential that could be explored better than her skin.


TOP 10 THINGS THAT CAME TO MIND WHEN I SAW RAGINI MMS 2 AT NRUPLEX
10. Yuck I’m going to get robbed after the show as the crowd is NOT family! (at 11pm)
09. Wow this theater is a complete sausage fest...  Are those Bhabi's or babies!
08. Those chicks in front of me two rows down NEED to get some protection (ARMED PROTECTION!)
07. Boobies, Boobies, Boobies…. Aaah Sunny Leone! As yelled by the crowd (translated into English!)
06. Introduction of some male actor! (who the hell is that guy?)
05. Boobies, Boobies, Boobies…. Aaah Sunny Leone what a treat in the lake (take it off! take it! off take it off! Ok Yeah! Jeeeyay Sunny!) (along with all that londas in the house)
04. Some male actor trying to act and some other actors – (Shrinks I think?)  (who the yuck is that guy (again) with all those people? )
03. Item song / Boobies (Sunny Leone) – WAT DA FAQ (Churail Scene – loosely translated into “I wouldn’t sleep with her on a bad day!” Ewwwww…)
02. Ok now how to exit with a bunch of people who have armed guards and mobile on silent and in my undies on my way out at 130am as al the guys are now looking for cheap fun!
01. On my way home (whilst following 20 cars with armed goons) “How in the yuck did Sunny Leone go from - c/:windows/users/ trash/virus/corrupted_college_thesis/version_2/spam/do_not_open/dangerous/2_b_deleted
all the way so quickly to c/:utorrent/HindiFilms”?????


My Verdict!
Don't watch it if you are a serious horror lover. Also this is NOT a flick for the family! Go for it if you can appreciate Grand Masti humor and Sunny Leone's body and are with a bunch of guys.  This is not a movie to watch in ANY cinema with your family because once you are in the theatre you are sitting there with your popcorn in one hand but focused on the hand of the woman that you are with who is trying to avoid having her hand being squeezed by the gentry who comes to see such a type of movie hoping to get lucky during this flick BUT, after a while, you cannot help but get affected by the obscenity not only on screen but also from the people who are sitting next to you as this movie has filled its seats with anything and everyone with a 512kb Dsl connection and knowledge of Redtube that got there triple sawari on a CD-70 chewing gutka lloking for anything BUT a family experience.  What I find amazing is that How could ANY cinema get this past the censor board and run it in a place known for family entertainment in the Islamic Republic of Pakistan... and that too get away with it!



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Disclaimer! - The opinions I post are my own and I do not intend to hurt or offend you!  If you cannot allow me my freedom of thought then you have the right to voice an opinion and navigate away on the web.  If you follow my blog I thank you as it’s quite ridiculously entertaining...that is if you like what & how I write! If you need to contact me or wish to befriend me then please... 
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TOP 10 TIPS TO LOSE WEIGHT

TOP 10 TIPS TO LOSE WEIGHT

After college & University happened when I returned “fram tha US of Aay” every normal person said “Mash Allah sehat bohat achee hai!” Every socialite aunty I came across said “Ya Khuda Beta you really need to lose weight!” & unfortunately all the size zero chicks I tried to score with screamed “No way Don’t!... Free Willy” 

Glad you are smiling but bottom line, over a period of 18 years I never really had a problem with my weight, however everyone else did! “And you know who I mean!”  Every family occasion or gathering I had those aunties who wanted to avoid discussing the tribulations of their own families so they would try to sit with me and empathetically tell me about the benefits of losing weight!   The only way I could stop them from turning it into a full blown onslaught would be to question the details of their own kids divorces, addiction problems & homosexuality (in some cases)

However, today in many circles divorce is common almost a pre-requisite to be in a click, a coke is not a thanda at a ball and if you are a muff diving chick or a sausage swallowing lad you are the creative director, designer or some freak show that is politically correct somehow & somewhere! 

Anyway,  as society hammered me like mad they tried to put me in Shape by getting me a membership with a studly trainer, my family stopped cooking in oil, everything was baked, grilled or green!  I went from diet to diet, health club to health farm, dietician to doctor and at one point my family obsessed with that Anorexic Tart Mishi Khan marched me down to see a surgeon to have my stomach stapled but due to my disability and that concoction of drugs (Pharmaceutical Type) I take every surgeon bluntly refused.  Bottom line I couldn’t be fucked to lose weight and really did not care at all however everyone else kept pissing me off and I had perfected the art of deflection & avoidance!

My problems started when I developed a problem with my spine and the weight was something slowing me down and with my disability this was a problem.  However I figured out that now that I had limited mobility I wanted to be agile again and beat my problem so I went and visited a friend’s wife who was a dietician.  I was relieved because the advice she gave me was honest and helped me get started with a food / meal plan.  She told me three things that have stuck with me till today as they were honest. 
I realized that the last thing I wanted to do (because I physically couldn’t) was to be huffing and puffing on a treadmill like an 80 year old on Viagra.  I was going to make this fun! Over a period of 15 months I lost 18.7 Kilos doing these things & 10 inches on my waist and am still losing weight like mad!  I am sharing these with you and hope you will be able to use them too!

10. Drink at least 10 - 12 liters of water during a 24 hour period.
09. Have a good solid breakfast (anything really)
08. If you have to have lunch ensure it is 1/3 the quantity you would usually have.
07. Move around - (Example - Take the stairs instead of the elevator and get up and walk around your ffice frequently.) This will also give your eyes a rest from the computer screen.
06. Regulate your sleep cycle & ensure you get a minimum of 6 hours or so - (This is one that i failed to do miserably even today)
05. Dinner - Eat everything! Even Kunna / Paya and ghee walay parathay but eat about 85% of the amount you would regularly eat.
04. Start loving Fruit chaat Bhel Puri etc.
03. Stop spending hours with your laptop & Tv remote and start spending time with your family and kids OUTSIDE the house! - Take a break from work in a healthy way!
02. Eat your last meal 4 hours before you sleep!
01. Stop Drinking Alcohol
PLEASE NOTE!
  1. The above tricks were for “ME” and are all based upon common sense so if they don’t work for you then you might need to tweak them a bit! 
  2. Also to take into account I do NOT walk (exercise walk / jog) or pump iron etc. due to my disability yet the plan I came up with allows me to EAT EVERYTHING!
  3. I am not a dietician and have no medical degree so consult with a professional before you decide to take certain matters into your own hands!
Disclaimer! - The opinions I post are my own and I do not intend to hurt or offend you!  If you cannot allow me my freedom of thought then you have the right to voice an opinion and navigate away on the web.  If you follow my blog I thank you as it’s quite ridiculously entertaining...that is if you like what & how I write! If you need to contact me or wish to befriend me then please... 
Follow me on twitter - @amynaghulamali 
or add me on facebook - Amyn A. Ghulamali 

 


Monday, March 24, 2014

10 TIPS TO SPEED UP YOUR WIFI



The document above is NOT my creation!  
I received it via the internet & thought it interesting to share with you!

Disclaimer! - The opinions I post are my own and I do not intend to hurt or offend you!  If you cannot allow me my freedom of thought then you have the right to voice an opinion and navigate away on the web.  If you follow my blog I thank you as it’s quite ridiculously entertaining...that is if you like what & how I write! If you need to contact me or wish to befriend me then please... 
Follow me on twitter - @amynaghulamali 
or add me on facebook - Amyn A. Ghulamali 





Sunday, March 23, 2014

MOBEEN KI DHARKAN

MOBEEN KI DHARKAN
If you live in Pakistan today then you either live on the “right” side of the bridge or you are left to the cruelties of the world.  Life in Pakistan is NOT easy and the pace of living has become so rapidly fluid and complicated that one does not realize what actually goes on outside their own nucleus of sin. 

I was living in Islamabad about 6 years ago.  I met a lot of people in Islamabad but no one managed to touch me in several ways more than a father and a son.  However this is not about the father who I tremendously respect but this is about his son Mobeen.  I used to frequent the NCA Rawalpindi campus and came across my fair share of narcissistic youth who always thought that they would be the next Rembrandt and were in the institution for the supreme purpose and that was to fit into an alternative hippie click that they had somehow managed to convince their parents was the right career choice.  


Through the arrogance of this youth and their confused ideologies hardened in the kilns of a surreal world where artists don’t survive I met a young chap that was somehow seemed to me to be a misfit in this goof troop of would be so called creative genius’s.  For one thing he was incredibly polite and very humble!  The second thing I liked about him was that he had (& still does) these shining and inquisitive eyes that were two shining orbs protected by his cheeks that always stood out because he was always innocently smiling!  I always noticed him in the college because he was one student who always had a camera strapped around his neck or in his hands.  My last reason for noticing him over a year was because when after every three weeks or so when I would show up he had morphed into a different person with a different hair style or had done something really funky with his facial hair. 

I realized how much I liked him when one day the arty farty kids of NCA Rawalpindi decided to have some gathering in the evening that included music and food.  It was winter and the Pindi cold bit into you but these kids in the middle of the campus had a bonfire going and it was a mini Woodstock in the city of the newly wed or the nearly dead!  As the evening went on Mobeen came up to the stage with his guitar and played a couple of rock numbers supported by a bunch of youth that screamed Confused Anarchy yet he stood out for his neat attire.   The music ended and the food was served and all the kids rushed to the tables but I saw him wipe down his guitar and pack it up and pick up his camera. I wandered over to him and being a geek started talking to him after a second he turned towards me said “sorry” one minute” and fiddled with his ear and that is when I realized that Mobeen had a hearing disability.

After that awkward moment I befriended Mobeen on social media and then somehow found out that I had known his father as well as he was related to the Technology world!  If we are to stereotype then one realizes that kids follow their father’s footsteps usually especially when the father is so successful in a particular industry and try to jump start their careers in the same line as the old man’s goodwill would help them gain a couple of years somehow or the other!  Anyhoo back to Mobeen, I realized that Mobeen was very different!  Mobeen as I got to know him was one of the warmest, caring and sensitive people I have come across in my life who has the resilience to excel by himself and that too without taking shortcuts and asking for any form of help!
I travelled with Mobeen and his college buddies to Sri Lanka and was stunned because two days after we landed in Colombo we found out that his Grand Mother had passed away.  His father insisted that he stay for the week we were there and then come home.  I was sure that this meek boy that I knew would be emotionally distraught but he held it together and what surprised me was his maturity in dealing with matters by himself.  He spent the entire trip capturing Sir Lanka like no one I had ever seen and I realized it was because of his inquisitive innocent nature that helped him actually take a picture that spoke a million words.
Now being a geek I like to analyze things and realize and know that today all you need is a 5 megapixel camera on your iphone and you are a photographer.  The young Ansari is weird because he uses technology to help him but does not depend upon it to do his work for him.  Over the years I have seen Mobeen and realize that as a photographer he has this unique talent for taking breathtaking pictures in any genre of photography!   His work is honest, his style is not plagiarized, the result is more realistic and detailed than the original, and he has the ability to write an Iliad through his camera and the honesty to capture what he wants when you need it!
I was fortunate to view Mobeen’s Dharkan and as time was short I skimmed through some of the 98 stories that he had covered I realized that Mobeen had done what no other person has done and that is to go back into the old school of thought and put pictures in print.  When you see an image on a screen the result is nothing compared to what you feel when it is printed.   Printing an image brings out certain elements in it that your 1080 Hi Definition led can and will never be able to show you or make you feel.  I salute Mobeen for respecting photography by going through the ordeal of printing his story!
Forget the positive image of Pakistan because we will always have our opinions but if you want to see a virgin honest time capsule of this country then Mobeen Ansari has achieved at a very young age what many clich├ęd photographers have tried to do so.  This young man has captured time and space and the lives of so many who meant something and make no difference today!  He has brought you the lives of ordinary people encapsulated in their own galaxies of tears, happiness and thought!  I would strongly recommend that you buy Mobeen’s Dharkan because this is one book that is NOT a coffee table book.  This is a collector’s item for any and all people who would like the ability to look back and reflect upon what Pakistan meant to them or what they hope to gain from it!
I have not spoken to Mobeen for over 4 years now and he has no clue that I wrote this but I can assure you that I for one am humbled by his integrity when it came to following his passion and not selling out! I wish him the best of luck for his future because Mobeen is the Dharkan of Pakistan!  

PLEASE NOTE! – Any and all images are the property of Mobeen Ansari and if you would like to use them please seek his permission - https://www.facebook.com/mobeenansarionline

Disclaimer! - The opinions I post are my own and I do not intend to hurt or offend you!  If you cannot allow me my freedom of thought then you have the right to voice an opinion and navigate away on the web.  If you follow my blog I thank you as it’s quite ridiculously entertaining...that is if you like what & how I write! If you need to contact me or wish to befriend me then please... 
Follow me on twitter - @amynaghulamali 
or add me on facebook - Amyn A. Ghulamali