Wednesday, December 18, 2013



“How to ace every interview you give!”

After months of searching on the web and harassing people to help you better your life one day when you were least expecting it you get that call you always wanted!  Ok great! So you got the call and some voice on the phone told you that the BIG brand name company wants to interview you at some odd hour because some “Director” is free…  All of a sudden your heart races your pulse jumps up and you are on pins and needles and excited beyond belief…  BUT YOU HAVE NOT GOTTEN THE JOB YET!… so calm down partner!

This post will tell you what to do to land that job if you follow my instructions I guarantee you that you will at least better your chances of being called back for a 2nd interview if not get an offer and how to leave a fantastic impression on the person you are going to meet.  This applies to people who are fresh graduates or have less than five years’ experience…

WHAT YOU READ FROM HERE ON WILL SHOCK YOU BUT WILL DEFINITELY MAKE SENSE – EXCUSE THE VULGARITY IN SOME SECTIONS BUT IT IS EXPLAINED AND NOT MEANT TO BE VULGAR AT ALL SO PLEASE TAKE THE POSITIVE MEANING BEHIND WHAT I AM ABOUT TO SUGGEST YOU DO!  If you can handle that then read on but before you do you need to understand that the human body is meant to withstand a certain amount of stress but when emotions are involved and senses are exploding you need to control them.  For this I would like to refer to a famous quote which is

Let’s begin now!  After the phone call I would recommend that

  1. You google the company you will be interviewed at and do a complete SWOT analysis for yourself by looking at stories in the press, its social media page and also look up the revenue that it has declared or earned… if it is a small company then hop on linked in and ask people about the company and you will find a social media page which will tell you about the company spending ability and what it is focusing on in this current fiscal year. 
  2. Find out about the job description by searching past employees who have been at that same position you want so bad and see what work they have done and what trophies they have claimed at the company (projects done)
  3. Then if you can find out about your line manager to be and what the corporate food chain will be like.   Google the guy or woman and don’t go by reputation see what type of a person they really are via social media.
  4. Lastly find out about the HR department and see what kind of jobs they have been posting and where.  If the company uses web based sites like rozee and bayrozgar then you know for a fact that the company has a very high attrition rate to keep wanting a huge feeding pool of human resource and thus its human resource department is weak internally because it does not have the ability to retain people or is not taken seriously by the management and is treated like a post office.  This will also give you their pay scales, benefits and values and maybe you might get a nasty shock or a pleasant surprise when you find out the benefits they offer other than the take home cash.
Now that you have the information you need you need to write it all down in bullet points and read it twice every 12 hours so that you forget it.

  1. Eat a proper meal and all your food by 830pm max.
  2. Drink at least two glasses of water room temperature
  3. 30 minutes later have a cup of tea
  4. 30 minutes later go out and get some fresh air and take a brisk 15 minute walk.
  5. Before you go to bed go and pee and then before sleeping have another glass of water
  6. Then make sure you get a minimum 8 hours sleep and are well rested this way your mind will not collapse due t fatigue.
Now I suggested all this so that your digestive tract is stable 14 odd hours after the interview and you are not farting or suffering from gripes.  Most people when they give an interview suffer from some form of tension and tension always affects your digestive tract which is painfully uncomfortable…  Its like that kid who has to pee when he or she leave the home and 10 minutes into the drive gets so excited because it is going wherever that the body give way.

(What you need to do next is what I was saying that it gets weird… but roll with me!)
  1. Make sure you wake up early
  2. When you wake up drink a warm glass of milk (AVOID CAFFIENE OR ANY STIMULANT)
  3. Go out and take a 10 minute walk and then have a solid breakfast
  4. Then go and take a dump clear your intestines completely
  5. Then BELIEVE IT OR NOT “masturbate”

See I told you it would get weird…  seriously…  why?  Have you seen the movie “Something about Mary” in that ben stiller is trying to get a woman and is advised to spank the monkey so that he can land the girl of his dreams by actually focusing on her personality and not on sex!    I told you that you need to control your emotions so you need to release all your adrenalin and the best way to release it is to drain your testosterone as well – if you are perfectly calm and there is no stimulant in your body (artificial or natural) than no matter what is thrown at you in a room filled with stress will not matter because your mind will do all the work and let you give good answers.

  1. Ok shower but take a long warm shower but as you end it kill the hot water and shock your body with a 30 second cold rinse.
  2. The clothes you wear should be sober and not divert attention from your personality.  Wear normal clothes that are comfortable and no need to be dressed like you are a catholic in a coffin at a wake.  Your clothes should depict your calm mood and be neat clean and tidy but most of all should be comfortable for you.
  3. Use talcum powder on your feet as they sweat when you are tense and make sure you spray a lot of deodorant but hold back on the cologne, perfume or aftershave because the last thing you want is to wind up smelling like an ittar shop.
  5. When you go for the interview make sure you DO NOT DRIVE and that you are there at least 45 minutes before the interview.  This way if you are late then you will still have time to get there on time.  Driving is stressful and parking is a nightmare so make sure you have someone take you for the drive.  Also getting dropped off at the door gives you an advantage of not breaking into a sweat whilst you walk from the parking area to the entrance.
  6. Now that you are early ask for a cold glass of water and sit and wait for your turn.
  7. When you are called make sure you request a minute to visit the loo and make yourself pee…
  8. Whilst you pee breathe in through your nose deeply but not hard and exhale from your mouth slowly – (this is to relax your blood pressure)
  9. Sort our self out and now you are ready to face Dracula!

You need to understand that you are 90 percent there so relax and chill…  look around and make sure you are comfortable… observe the body language of the interviewer because what you say within the next 30 seconds will determine if you will be there for another 4 ½ minutes or 45 minutes.  I cannot tell you what questions will be asked but I would recommend that you follow the following rules that I set for me.
  1. Be polite and thank the chappy interviewing you and lead on the conversation by asking the person how their day is going – be confident but NOT over smart and cheeky
  2. Smile but don’t grin!
  3. Answer to the point and don’t ramble unless asked to explain things in detail what you have to.
  4. Make sure that you give them to the point information that does not sound like a text book scripted answer and make sure you state the fact that you are an individual in your way of talking.
  5. Ask about the company and what it expects of the position that you are ing hired for and not you!  When done ask to add value and give your two bits on your humble (suggestions of how you could make it better)
  6. When it comes to being asked money expectations – NEVER GIVE A NUMBER – please ask them to evaluate your potential and your skills what they see and then make a formal offer “with benefits” to you on e-mail.  SHOW THAT YOU ARE NOT DESPERATE and relax. 
  7. If asked how soon you can join let them know that you need to properly exit your current employer and give them respect for what they have done for you so far.  HR MANAGERS RESPECT THAT! If you are un-employed then state that you will need at least 7 (seven) days to join and that in that time they can complete all your documentation.
  8. If you are asked personal questions you need to politely deviate from them by asking rebuttal questions like “is my social life the deciding factor in an offer or is my professional life and what work value I bring?”
  9. When you leave ask for the interviewer’s official email and thank them DO NOT ASK FOR A CELL NUMBER!
  10. When you have time at home at night e-mail them a thank you mail that is personal with a few points about what you found good in the company from what they told you and in 7 lines also tell them how you would feel privileged to add value to their organization.

Leave the rest to Allah because if they make you an offer then you can humbly negotiate your way for the future and you know they want you!

Most of all be relaxed and be you!   Also know that if you are not expecting anything but honest to your self HR managers can see the value in good people…  Forget insecurities and make sure that you only convince one person that you deserve a better job and that is YOU!  Good luck !

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