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Saturday, September 11, 2010

A REVERSE LOOK AT BRANDING AFTER 911 CUM EID

Ok today we celebrate and as we close our eyes we ingest alka seltzer then tomorrow we start our day with tons of Hamdard Isphaghol . As we are sink into depression as we always do because the mundane jazz essence of life is but filled with talk shawlk of what we will have to do and we go round the Rotarian merry go round trying to figure out why the world bank gave so much easy paisa to a land that could have been mopped up by people who used always as qtips it makes one wonder why the English biscuits left peeking freens at our door when we needed nido to feed those who would never have a shell to cover themselves with as the political saathis ensured that durex the their ecucation at Caltex they learned one thing and that was to plausibly deny this generation of or any reasonable doubt that forget disprin rather Prozac would do the treet as much as mach3 would help you shave you dignity from as much as a joey capsule would have you ladies cum first as your black berrys got thrown in with the evil levis that you donated to the ones who were drowning in a world of absolute ben and not so jerrys…

Now look at this PPP is peed and the mqm is available at civil junction in f7 where as the red bulls got run down by the three balls that rocked a nation. Your preffered choice is coke yet it must be from generation next and if you open your eyes in the morning then dew is definitely what you will not find as your vigos have gone to the flood affected areas and the red crescent moon set in stealing away asian development thus leaving your boxers in a a twist and often confused whilst ordering dessert to a butler in front of khaddi clad sony shop.

Okra is great for your health and you know it yet you love the innocent evil in swimming at the aqua lounge and your kids tell you there going gaming but they are stuck in the midst of a tribal situation where wateen refuses to connect. As they come home the losers ask wi of the tribe that lost the countersrike in understanding what websters could not explain to them thus your maybe link connection is something that pak china friendship might invest in.

Your Eidi is in the form a quaid e azam and youre extremely blue because the security papers printed document is a 20 beccause you mistook mustard for brown so now your like sam who sung his last song driving your motor that had a rola and have to act not so peeso’ed at the fact that you cant now afford to buy your girl friends many things from places like brands for less… ok so you catch air blue and pray it does not land near daman e koh rather some where where coke is filled in a studio so that you could go to zakas pharmacy to buy your selves a pair of anything except advil…

So as you sit and ponder why im rambling on and what kind of crack im smoking then please be rest assured that my simple 3M point was that after this flooding and all the salt that visited Pakistan what brands will actually survive the economy post eid? It’s going to be a tough one but as I’m simply bored I just wanted to let you know to your facebook that I would be very linked in if you twittered my endless ramblings and made me even more unpopular than I already am….

RIDING A WAVE ON SAMSUNGS ANSWER TO YOUR MOBILE SOLUTIONS

I would like to confess something today! I cheat on my wife with a mistress… This mistress is cruel mean and more manipulative than anyone else’s mistress. Why because the minute I have my Ben franklins’ coming in I have already decided that a significant amount MUST be dedicated to her undying demand for change. My mistress spanks my wallet leaves me in constant fear as she evolves with time constantly so I have to use my grey matter in trying to figure her out constantly and she gives me the utmost satisfaction in the form of the famous quote “I AM INVINCIBLE” as I show her off to my friends and the best thing is my wife loves this kinky three way relationship because in our insane threesome of life my mistress has managed to eat her jealousy away.

Oh what a high as we sit in a restaurant in a plastic society consumed with false values and do small talk people love to show off their wares and think that the toys they posses are an extension of their existence… But now as my or rather I would like to say my wife’s and my mistress or our mistress enters the scene my friends eyes go gaga with lust and the gravity of what has hit them is in the form of a high that is unimaginable… YES I OR WE ARE INVINCIBLE… this sordid love affair of a different kind is my kinky fetish with technology and not another human being so stop getting so excited… but wait keep your emotions intact as it’s the joy of my life… and yes sadly too very expensive because what ever I get I also have to get one for my wife who unfortunately happens to be one of the most technically competent people today… (that’s where my tears come on)

I was always scared to shake the foundations of my mulberry bush as my BBM would die and I always believed on any travel that once you go MAC you can never go back… my curved journey javelined through the 4gb phase to a world that now accepts a 32 GB torch as a solution for my business needs and sadly rather than becoming smaller the IPOD of life which revolutionized mobile multimedia became very had to fit in my pocket so I wonder how women can hide this pad that connects them to a very entertaining life..

I visited a friend who did not know about my fetish with technology and as we chatted he surfed through the media business and exceptional functions of with such speed that it blew my doors off. Ok so I claim to be the it thing and had always said that SAM had SUNG its last song with the useless D880 and the best thing is that I’m a investor in a lucrative mobile import business.. Also to add to my renditions I boast that my team and me have done work for RIM – how did this new Samsung Wave wipe me out and go un noticed. I felt hurt because in my own ignorance my mistress cheated me… I’ll tell you why!

In Pakistan when we go to a mobile outlet we ask for a phone that MUST be a nokia and specially one that a person who is cooler than us which we must have. Sony erricson and Samsung are the stepchildren we get if it’s a real deal… if you’re from the wanna beee world of business then you’re well aware of the curveballs, javelins and torches tahtw ill light up your way from Rim also im sure you must have ridden many a storm which claimed to make you as invincible as Zues but left you with a short circuit in your brain trying to figure out an amalgamation of two worlds.

Samsungs Wave (8500) was released in April 2010 and now im on 9-11 literally so how did we not realize the power of this sleek sexy and very sassy phone / business / multimedia device. In the hands of those who understand that Nokia failed with maemo and is now crying mommy and that the torch will freeze and your lights will go out then I personally consider this mobile phone to be a weapon… forget the techy jargon that people give you endlessly to prove any point that the product is good – just use it and let it abuse you back… This phone in the hands of any techy Trojan soldier is a formidable weapon as its recording capabilities are more powerful than the best definition I have found on a PD 170. The clarity in sound recording is studio quality and its own email functions are brilliant…

The best thing is that you don’t get a cardiac arrest as you usually do when your maemo has a brain fart running multiple processes and your berrys fall off the trees when you lose your mail due to a remote server error. This device not phone is the silent underdog that after its release went unnoticed as we thought literally Samsung could never produce a device as good as this. Watch movies take pictures of your wife share them with the world and run all your business of this easy to digest comprehend device… if you’re a lady then throw away your pads which will have you end up in a state of technical menopause as this device will tell you when you need to get a manicure and what your significant other is up to via remote monitoring.

If you’re a man then go ahead and understand that you can leave all the fruits that rim has come up with as now you really are extremely well endowed all over… I belong to a world where technology is supposed to simplify life and some how it has managed to enslave us with its upgrades errors and constant rectifications of what jobs could not do right the first time around…

Today I can confidently thank my buddy Hasan who in his geeky mac environment showed me an avenue to truly live in a free world of technology or as they RIDE THE WAVE OF LIFE… come get your shorts on throw away your old devices and don’t get your undies in a twist – grab this sassy surfboard and ride a Samsung Wave…

Now that you’re almost convinced – here is the best thing about this device… berrys are berry berry expensive - once you go mac you don’t go back but your bank balance goes bad… and if you’re a maemo buyer then after your done figuring it out you will be screaming mommy – this wave is extremely affordable and it usually comes with all the toys you would need. Before you buy it make sure your wife is not in any way technically competent or has a flair for the digital art world as you will need to order two – but what the hell two waves for the price of one berry hanging off a tree – it definitely is something to think about…

In case you were wondering - I wrote this article posted it and have distributed it to over 300,000 people whilst driving to a hill station in Pakistan on an edge connection – sticks and stones may break my bones but a edge is better than gprs… do the math!

Friday, September 10, 2010

911 – AN EYEWITNESS REPORT – THE IRONIC REALITY DUE TO THE WILL OF GOD

I am a Muslim and damn proud of it. I am one to also follow the philosophy that to see something is to believe it and more over to witness something is better… Today I present before you an ironic eye-witness report as the clocks hands move to mark another year gone by which the world will never forget. “911”

Today I am surrounded by vultures holding onto microphones and prodding some small town pastor into committing a deadly sin and that is giving into vanity and greed. Today I as a nation am blamed for being barbaric and ruthless as I supposedly am the root cause for all the problems arising in the west. Today my nation is feared for harboring terrorists irrespective of the fact that 21 million are homeless and my foreign minister / prime minister and president are the custodians of guilt for being helpless to a mob of camera wielding vampires who just want to see them in their worst moment. Today I am subject to pain and suffering of emotional kind and no court of law would grant me the compensation that I demand to make it right – which is reversing time.

No I am not perfect as a nation and no I am not one to cast stones yet I have a weird kinky smile on my face because as a man driven by the media is about to burn my holy book of scriptures he cannot control what God wanted as he has been rendered useless as a messiah. TODAY ON 911 MY WHOLE GLOBAL NATION OF ISLAM CELEBRATES AN ENTIRE MONTH OF FASTING – we have spent an entire month learning to be more humble, more respectful of the Almighty and mankind and understanding that we will have to answer for our sins on the day of judgment…

Today I am truly at peace and one with my global family because I realize that if one man burns one Quran it will not destroy my nation of Islam. I got this epiphany as I stared at one of my favorite paintings by the great Dali “the melting clocks” I realized that as the world turns physically someone somewhere is calling to all to come to prayer… Its simply gorgeous as when I was thinking this the azaan of all azaans which declares that Ramadan is over sent a shiver down my spine. I realized that every 10 or fifteen minutes during an entire twenty four hours we muslims somewhere around the world are on our knees bowing to the almighty. We preach peace and forgiveness and I am sure all the prayers must have been heard around the world that Allah the almighty ensured that Today on 911 it would be a day of rejoicing forgiveness and understanding in a nation that is considered to be barbaric and a threat to the west.

As I end my realization of how ironic fate can be I forgive those for thinking that I am plotting to destroy another culture when I’m barely able to doggy paddle in my own flood of problems… To all my muslim brothers and sisters – thank you for forgiving and understanding that we are one as a nation of Islam and that our religion is one of peace and love… eid Mubarak!

PAKISTAN AN UNPLUGGED COUNTRY OF DREAMS

I love a few things about the west as I was a resident in a few country for about a decade whilst I was supposed to be educated. I guess rock and roll – witnessing live aid, meeting interesting people and the Woodstock concept of life really appealed to me… I was as jimmy buffet says “cheese burger in paradise” only thing was that I had my identity of being patriotic and was a nihari come biriyani and sajjay paya in an alacarte restaurant where farts don’t smell…

I witnessed several holidays and was always awed that despite social issues that plague every nation how the western world comes together as one at times of Christmas, Easter, Labor Day (not when your wife is about to deliver) but they are addicted to celebrating with full joy even thrugh their katrina’s and 911 the simple joy of bonding as a family unit under one roof. The western world spends like mad on establishing and reconnecting with lost loved ones just for that moment of time before they get reverse spun back into their every day lives of insanity.

Sadly as Eid is upon us tonight I am deeply saddened that my country has no Christmas (actually Eid) lights on. The reasons vary from the recent floods that have hit us to what we have been living with as in the form of any excuse that we can to justify our electricity problems… The extremely weird thing is that we have rivers, dams, solar and wind energy resources yet to this date my country manages to import electricity from its neighbors as the demand for seeing the light is not enough to be compensated by the frivolous wastage and the blinding insanity that gives us the reason to fight back against the bleeding of power that happens the minute a spark leaves the hydro turbines to the minute it reaches a home.

Pakistan is geographically extremely well placed and as we are true believers of islam I am ecstatic to say that the Gods have been kind upon is with the natural resources that we have. I think if one looks at what a country has then definitely one can state that Pakistani’s are very lucky people… In the 80’s our Eid (the equivalent to a western Christmas) was a joyous time… That was the time that we were not ravaged by technology and we had a hidden agenda or many social issues… When Eid was round the corner I witnessed people from all walks of life smiling at the fact that they had as a nation pulled through the month of fasting. Humility was a key issue which we focused on and our prayers were just took a minute as all we did was thank the almighty for bestowing upon the beauty of life and family.

I was witness to my nephews comment as when I asked him what he wanted to do on our chaad raat (eve before Eid) he simply stated that we should visit any place that has electricity… In a fervor of thought and mixed emotion I could not help but feel his pain as when a 9 year old complains that his childhood is robbed away due to the non existenc of the basic amenities being available it makes you feel that no matter what you strive or struggle to do is futile as you are fighting a useless battle against forces way beyond God’s control…

I am not claiming that any one specific is to blame rather I am questioning that as a child I witnessed a different country where we celebrated life by illuminating our whole country… so what the hell happened thirty years later after we accepted democracy. What has my nephew done to deserve this childhood? If holidays are meant to revive family values and establish that ond of love between us as families then why is everything so dark…

We had our floods we had our earth quake we climbed out of the rubble once and now we are swimming for our lives again. The only thing is that we may be tough skinned but the shore to which we swim is bordering on the dark horizons of the vanity of a chosen few.

Today I guess the only Eid present I can justify giving to my nephew is a generator and on my eid prayers ask God to bring wisdom that allows people to start thinking about solar and wind power that would help alleviate the attitude within the short circuited depressed youth..

Let’s hope the lights don’t go out when santa come around…

RAIN

Rain rain make me cum again
My calculator short circuited as my palms are wet
I grabbed a condom and stuck it between my legs
What to do excitement has me wet
The aids will come and the ngos will laugh
Money to squander and 72 to virgins well blast
quetta Peshawar or sind you take your pick
stay away from isloo as its filled with salt and grit

rain rain make me cum again
my land is drowned in your pain
I abused what I had now you can wash it away
Piss down hard drain my sins today
I have no quarters for the washing machine of life
The day I was born I started to die
I forgot to respect the code of truth
Now its inevitable that jetskis will do

Thunder come and rock my world
My people are torn by your lighting and scorn
The oain you deliver is nothing to a soul
That has witnessed and lived diversity for years
I am a believer that Armageddon is near
So if I have to lie down and take it I might as well smile
My land is fertile with sin of soil
Give me some sun and show me the sky

Rain rain let me breate again
Nasdaq has my family on a train
The worlds piggy bank is drained again
Asian development became arrested again
Nature we fought we commited a sin
We burnt up our souls fasting with aids from within
The bearded ones laugh at the airport of life
Wanted heaven so badly not willing to die

Scream at my pain and my people will shy
From the insanity of your vanity all caught up in strife
Can you discover who you really are
Will you respect the mother of your child
Can you look at what you cant see
Will you believe there is a God on this eid
Will you run from the darkness into my pain
Open your eyes and throw your damn calculators away

Thursday, September 9, 2010

HOW TO SURVIVE CHAAND RAAT – INSTRUCTIONS FOR CHILDREN OF ALL AGES

Ok! Now to all my friends who are not so confused about what element of society they belong to I write this article for you as you are about to be robbed by your parents and elders of the one thing you have looked forward to for the past thirty days… I cry tears of blood for you as your parents will make you into sacrificial lambs prematurely and confuse the two eids together…

I am not Nostradamus but the inevitable shall be that mommy and daddy are going to be sipping lattes at butlers whilst Lals hops around trying to sell them confectionery items and in between the king Edward cigars (buying Cuban would be a crime because of the floods) and not taking cinnamon and whipped cream (we must do without and do our bit around the rotary merry go round) the topic of discussions will be about how you have to do without as they have probably ravaged your life savings to show how you can do without…

As we are not celebrating by ordering low fat cakes and cocoa products I’m sure that the clubs and Aghas would also be stocking up on diet Schweppes and zero fat perrier to do their bit in society… Ok so we will not use the family BMW and will resort to using the fillipinos reborn civic because it has cng so there is another element to helping companies like shell and pso out… please understand that no longer are you in a race to hide the fact that you don’t have much as your 12 million KVA generators are enough to support the entire sohrab goth region rather you must hang out on the street corners east of the Clifton bridge and beg with boxes on street corners that are deserted by beggars who are feeding of the flood affected areas… if not then the local SHOOS have shooed away the beggars even though they rented that traffic light to earn a decent night wage at an emotional time like this religious event upon us.

Ok now to the grass roots and going to the mattresses (not after we have had too much Christmas pudding – wait that is another holiday) – I want to tell you how to survive your parents and Eid should be very less damaging to you… Most importantly quickly hide away anything of any value to you like your ipod, piggy bank and or your coolest three week old se=neakers before they are pledged by mommy along with her hip huggers to the flood affected ares – you need clothes. Secondly – make sure that when dad is half awake or asleep you ensure that you tell him that he is your favorite when mom is not around and that how much a laptop that you are using means to you – it would be useless if it wound up in the hands of some NGO person… (it does not matter if you have six others but this is your treasure) Make sure to tell mom the same thing and this time tell her how wonderful she is and how baked beans are something you love so that they don’t go into the donation boxes as well – also make sure you tell her that all your mamoos rock and her best friend looks worse than her – this so that you actually get eidi and it does not go into the throes of some glorified housewife turned beautician… fine now down to essentials… you need to buy or invest in padlocks and chains so that you bicycles are not pledged into delivering aid to the victims and then you become a victim your self – I assure you there are enough vehicles that will deliver your joe boxers to who really need it – before you donate those please make sure you wash them as even village folk do not to know that yellow goes in the fornt and brown at the back

Ok when you are out and about on chaand raat make sure that you complain excessively about what you don’t have and what value it could give you from an educational point of view – even if it is something you don’t need you need to remember the words of your art teacher and explore your creativity – now is the time that your education will pay you back… you have worked hard by begging on the streets and not had a share in the booty even the spectrum of lies that we go through each year takes a cut when it organizes balls for various elements of confusion so why should you not get your share of the cost – you cried and now have a diploma in begging – you are also a part of the mafia as daddys phone call made it possible to eradicate beggars so that you were not beaten up when you used you various talents to sink to a new level – demand respect and remind your elders of how they humiliated you…

If you really need a vacation please tell your parents that you are going through a mid life crisis and practice how to sulk so that they reward you with tons of freebies and money rather than time which you wanted. Atleast when the mobs descend upon your city you will have something to barter for your lives with once they done ripping away anything of any value…

If you can make a choice then make the right one when you pray for eid namaz – Thank Allah for giving you the patience to survive the insanity for this Ramadan. And then just pray for one thing – COMMON SENSE – please pray that the ones who will leave behind a sordid tomorrow for you have the ability to gain common sense and actually address the issues that are at hand which are social – if not then get your Christmas lists out to santa and ensure that the first three things you ask for are a bullet proof car / an ak47 with a laser scope and / a bullet proof vest as Christmas in gaza is just a joke as to what will happen in due course…
Eid Mubarak and I hope you don’t get sacrificed…

TECHNOLOGY INVESTMENT ADVICE THAT MAKES CENTS!

Today technology is no longer a simple question of IT… It is a race against time to be better stronger and faster. No longer do we need to carry a zippo to light a fuse, a simple 4 digit code is enough to establish that an entire city will have acid rain for the next decade…

Technology has become so diverse today that one really needs to understand what they want to achieve or have a clear understanding of where the wish for it to take them before any of the intricate verticals are invested into. It is today extremely essential that companies do not lose focus of their objective and begin fire fighting with silly issues that are only surface value tension in an ocean of complexities of everyday life.

Many investors have been burnt and many people have a sore backside or thumbs from spending endless hours trying to clone and plagiarize successful business models. Everyone is under the premonition that they will beat an existing market leader with some start up or ask the consumers to shift their loyalties elsewhere into something that will not be able to deliver what the brand name stands for.

I hail from Pakistan and I am proud to be a resident of one of the only four cities of the world where there are FTTH possibilities. Even through our disgruntled image we are very technologically sound as human beings because we are use to crisis management in our daily lives. I feel I have the right to write an article like this because I have remained as one of the leading people who built an entire outsourcing American conglomerate only to watch its owners destroy everything due to vanity and greed.

The industry of the world is struggling to establish what will never happen and that is the denial of the acceptance of what their limitations are. Where there is a will there is a way and people have a need to find solutions so the world fills the gap when someone opens a portal with a void in it. If you are looking to invest in providing a solution to someone then you are on the right track…

Investing in being a solution provider is the best form of respect that one can give to an industry also one needs to understand that people with their limitations on time are looking for simple easy to digest solutions. Some of the best ideas that the eastern world can invest in especially the Russians is the adaptation of medicinal technology for the west. Russian and Chinese doctors are extremely experienced and their radiologists have more experience in diagnosing how to fix a broken bone or how to repair your knees without invasive procedures.

Pakistan also has a huge resource or pool of techies that are extremely dedicated to leaving their names on the score boards of virtual cafes. We have those who have invested in Pakistan sitting in Texas and educate and run the entire office for pennies on the dollar… It makes a lot of cents because when you compare economies of scale cents make sense to Pakistani’s as our life styles are not of the rich and famous…

The Chinese have clearly established that be it a watermelon, mango, apple or any dull product that cost a million dollars they will revamp it make it sexier and even home deliver it to you for such a low cost that either you will question their integrity or your own ability to trust them… They have rocked the world with the re-invention of making life super easy.

Every success story does not need luck or money… in my black and white screen world it needs the bility to find inner nirvana and focus on what you want to do in life. If you are focused and you plan carefully eliminating the greed factor and delivering quality then you will win and as the hindus say the goddess of prosperity “Luxmi” will shine upon you… to be in the world of technology the three main principles you must adopt are as follows
1. The ability to not lie to yourself about your limitation
2. The ability to deliver what your promise
3. The ability to know and understand humility and bury your egos
The ocean of technology is looking for sailors from every port and the best thing is the ships will set sail once you tell them when to… just make sure that you don’t capsize due to your own errors and if you really need proper investment advice you are more than welcome to ask me for it.

Be a part of the solution and not a part of the problem! It’s the geeky thing to do!

THE LAND WARS

THE LAND WARS
How Pakistan has managed to take a bite out of the Giga’s in the not so real estate world!

In history when I was a boy in Karachi Grammar School I had a fantastic book with exceptional illustrations that showed me graphically about all the land wars in the world. As I matured and was able to think for my self I realized that men had fought vigorously to conquer new land or that religion was a war cry or if anything else was to be the root cause of a decade long war even up until the time of the Nazis and the Russian invasion of Afghanistan the maybe a woman was the reason that one had to fed vanity if not looking for a warm water port etc.

In Pakistan the average consumer or investor looks for property to invest in as long as the papers are clean as that is something that one feels will appreciate. The next thing that ones buys as a cash asset is a vehicle so Toyota and Honda become the preferred choice. No longer is this true as today if you want to dupe someone all you have to do is sell them a file and they will probably not even realize if they going to be pounding sand or be facing an onslaught of court cases depicting fraudulent practices…

As we jailed al capone and stopped the world from worrying about prostitution, gambling and gun running we gave birth to another Mafioso who was much more crueler, meaner and ruthless… it is the Land Mafia… These mafias do not respect the honor amongst thieves and are basically a disorganized army of termites that have eaten away at the only one thing that us Pakistani’s could have invested in.

Sadly our foreign investors have been duped by these knock off wearing, cheap tie brandishing crusaders who have managed to even give the state bank of our country a run for its already in debt economy… I would like to talk about a family that hails from the United Arab Emirates. The Giga Family. The Emirati Giga family is a conservative, hard working family that has a moderate view point of Islam and is open to the development of life… Its two main companies which failed miserably in the UAE known as Al Ghurair & Emaar have been the victim of a bubble bursting that was beyond its control. This family with exceptionally honest values and a strong CSR policy decided to shift its focus to trust in developing in our country.

When the Giga’s came to Pakistan they made one promise to themselves. To actually try to invest in this country by alleviating a frustrated lifestyle with the replacement of community living styled homes. (please note Homes and not houses or apartments) if the intent was pure and they do give in billions in zakat then how could these two projects in our country fail miserably… lets take a look at the Pakistani not so real estate world…

Every camel jockey worshipping no gooder applied for the job and once hired refused to anything of any substance to prove their efficiency. We are experts at hiding the truth and today after months we have managed to break the bank of a family that managed to trust us as a nation. We managed to use politics to get the management changed several times we did what we had to in the form of fruitless events and pr activities but not focus on the key issues and we als managed to bribe the existing management her and blind them to the obvious crux issues.

I personally met with their new custodian and till this date almost three months today I realize how miserable he must be… Our nation has managed to dupe him with the fact that they keep on having him fire fight idiotic issues here and have him under the premonition that his bosses dirhams will resolve all the issues… it is very sad that such a brilliant group with such a fantastic ethos could have been duped by an army of illiterate fools. Today there is a strong saying… Never trust a car dealer or a property dealer. I guess this goes true as we all give in to the pressures and delusions of the real estate worlds sins. IF you would like to note an interesting fact that the shelf life of a custodian (foreigner) in Pakistan is only at an average of 12- 14 months… I am counting down the days when this custodian will leave the country after wanting to quit his other bad habits which im sure he will adopt soon known as Prozac or lithium or even both.

When will the Giga’s open their eyes and know that honesty must be the crux issues in choosing the right people for the right job – reverse the process and you can destroy an entire nation… My sympathies to all those who have lost interest in this wonderful concept and I giggle at the fact as to how blinded people become and hunt downa quick fix solution when the answer is before them…
On an ending note my question to you is has your sales department become the collections agency for your payments on what you don’t want to invest in any more? Why did this happen what was the cause? Let me know!A

STAND BY YOUR MAN!

As a Muslim adult Pakistani I have witnessed being of sane mind and body that my fellow countrymen all have more than four wives leave alone mistresses be it the beggar on the street, a businessman, a politician or a civil servant. Every one of these men share the same wife and in this incestuously sick relationship ok a kinky sort the nation is suffering like a bunch of inbred mindless sheep. Every generation since the day our borders were defined our nation becomes more and more blind to the fact of following the simple practices of Islam – “honesty, loyalty and having a pure heart”.

Our not so educated clerics invoke the devil and start mayhem in the innocent masses and that too all in the name of the Almighty. Our religion is one of love and peace and we are the future the present and the defining factor of what will happen to the next generation. We write our own destiny with decisions that we make yet we are un-aware of what sins we commit as we refuse to acknowledge them. We have a foreign minister who is fighting to preserve the image of this country and despite his efforts I find him to be the sacrificial lamb the only thing is that bakra eid is far away yet this country is doomed to ensure that he gets sacrificed as everyone loves a good lynching. We have everything in this land of the pure or garden of eden yet we as a nation only wish to look at things from a biased point of view… Pakistan is a nation that was formed on an Islamic ideology of free choice and in order to be a good and true believer of Islam one has to embrace it with true unconditional love. Our religion preaches a way of life that is filled with forgiveness, love and the hope that we can change the world through reasoning and living by example as Allahs favorite our Holy prophet (PBUH) did.

The four wives allowed to us are for the reason that we may protect and look after our weaker ones and so that we can preserve the sanctity of family values. Today it is so sad that we use religion to our convenience and only choose to fast as a sign of being what we are not. Everyone in society is guilty of having more than one spouse and having sick incestuous relations with their offspring… These wives are the seven deadly sins as stated in almost all religions (LUST, GREED, VANITY, GLUTTONY… you get my drift…)

I chose to write this article today as the 27th roza just finished and the reason was that most of my countrymen after fasting for a whole month now preparing to have an orgy of spending by buying useless toys, showing off what they can to who really does not matter and will like Dr. Jekyll turn into Mr. Hyde the minute we see a crescent in the sky. This were-wolf like transformation will be marked by elated celebrations in the form of gun fire in the sky and the carnivorous activity of blatantly spending oodles of money on feeding their insecure vanity.

Today we are a miserable lot who live under the premonition that we are going to heaven and that the day of judgment will be a walk in the park… the funny thing is that Lucifer is going nuts trying to beg Gabriel to convince the almighty to take us as he cannot find a way to figure out how to also reject us because he knows that once you let Pakistani’s into hell they will install plasma tv’s, enjoy torturing each other and most probably over charge his credit card buying split ac’s… I’m also sure that the devil is very worried what he will do once they elect a leader who they will hate and have him hanged for not giving up his uniform…

Ok lets be serious now… The reason I am writing about the issues of the wives and the seven deadly sins is because it is simply sickening to know that we have sold out every leader we have elected… please note “WE HAVE ELECTED!” we hated ayub khan – we hanged zia – found a way to blame the not so sharifs and cut the umbilical cord with Pinky whilst she was in power. Fine ok so we had identity issues but then we stripped off the uniform and complained when some of us got nabbed. Oh joy now we have found another person to send to the gallows and declare that we are a failed state yet once again…

It’s simply disgusting that as a nation which is supposed to follow one religious belief and follow the ideology of freedom of expression we are repressed by one of our deadly wives known as insecurity. We have more dialects in our various provincial languages and we love to live by the terminology – “insaan hai kay pathan hai” also we really get turned on when we bash the other provinces thus declaring each one of them as a sovereign nation of ill repute… Why on earth do we as a nation under one religion and one flag have so much diversity… diversity is good if there is some form of creativity but it is extremely unhealthy when it is the root cause of destruction…

Our own language is beautiful and the Likes of Iqbal and Ghalib would refuse to be re-incarnated if they found out what a bunch of pirates we have become… Our media screams for freedom and when given the right to do so shows our most embarrassing moments to the world. People abuse what is known as power and are blind to the harsh realities of what the after life will have for us…

Today we have elected a president, we have elected a prime minister and we have declared custodians of each province who we felt were competent. So will we please divorce our insecurities and work together as one… I would like to give the example of Sri Lanka – for 30 odd years our troops helped bring stability whilst our own matters fell apart. After a 30 year civil war today al the Lankans are working together as one, be it muslim or any other faith they accepted humility, honesty and the ability to understand the word teamwork… with more cultural acceptance and diversity and two separate climates this is one nation that has learnt to fight through education.

I wonder when the day will come that our foreign minister will not be needed any more to go and apologize to the world for our own stupidity and I wonder when we will respect the family values of having one wife known as honesty. There is a saying when a couple get married in Christianity “ till death do us part” which we need to understand from the ethical point of view… we need to understand that we have chosen our leaders and we need to support them rather than throwing shoes and flinging our dirty undies in public.

We must come together as a nation and fight for what is right and look at the glass as half full with optimism and stop throwing the blame for our own failures on those we elect… On Eid Namaz I will be praying that we have wisdom to make the right choices, we have the patience we learned through Ramadan to understand our future and the present leaders also I will pray that Pakistanis will take a divorce from the seven deadly wives they keep tucked away some where and begin to have faith in their leaders…

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

500,000 FUNERALS!

I was born in 1974 and ever since the day I was able to comprehend any lingo I was always subjected to the fact that us Pakistanis are a victim. We have always claimed that we are subject to oppression, genocide, sectarian violence, sexual in-equality and are the victims of what the west decides to not favor us with. The second thing I realized is that we do not have the ability to digest or comprehend a simple two letter word known as “NO”. Even I am guilty of throwing a personal touch or adding an emotional element when things don’t go my way… The third and the last thing I know for a fact is that we run for short term satisfaction and are blind to harsh realities that face us in te form of consequences that are due to our own past actions…

The really messed up thing is that today we are in the midst of a crisis and we are blind with lust in dividing up the booty… (donations) every one with any influence is sitting on the sidelines of this chicken fight waiting to catch a drumstick out of this calamity.

It is simply disgusting that we don’t look at the core issues on how to address this disaster rather we are digging in our closets trying to find what prada bag or what Kenneth cole pumps we would like to donate to someone who would not have any value for it… The United Nations have screamed to the world that there are over 500,000 pregnant women in the flood affected areas and a lot of them are due to deliver their offspring shortly… We love to be for funds and buy a big land cruiser with tax free money to suit us to go to big meetings but what the hell are we doing about these people who are in dire straits.

These women need your support other wise you better get your shovels out and start digging close to a million graves. We need to educate these women through our medical students on how to fend for a child and especially ensure the midwives don’t end up creating a mid life crisis… the infant mortality rate will sky rocket and I am sure this will never affect you as your friends stand on the road sides with hep t-shirts trying to do what the beggars are good for..

For crying out loud use your plastic slums and not so Cambridge degrees for the good of this country… if you are a Rotarian stop going round and round with plausibly deniable reasons to come up with hard to digest solutions… fight for the HEC fight for education and help save a generation… I don’t mean those who are going to die I mean your own children… Since you love to talk about family values excerise the power of your voice now and fight for the 600,000 women and children that are going to see the light of day in utter misery as soon as they take their first breath…

This generation that is you will not have any social security leave alone personal security if you do not take a stand for education now… if you invest in this army of educated people you will resolve half you social issues that you run away from… these people are innocent as they are uneducated and their reactions will be highly emotional as they don’t know better… before they blame you educate them so they can take responsibility for their actions… if not then burn your degrees and torch your schools and colleges and all lets pick up spears and shields but admit that you cant face reality… Education is the solution to stop almost a million funerals from taking place. If you have a daughter you might understand if not then leave her in sohrab goth for one night in her skin tight levis and t-shirt that says thank god its Friday… I’m sure you ll be wearing a t-shirt saying Oh God Its Monday!

SILICONE COATED HAMMERS AND SICKLES!

When I was in school I lived through many theories like the west rocked and basically that the east sucked! As I evolved from my Neanderthal school boy stage into a not so intelligent college idiot the premonition continued and I was heavily influenced by the fact that Lenin Stalin and Mao were communistic control freak fools. I was brainwashed into thinking that anything east of my country was slow incompetent and could not produce any form of quality unless it was Japanese. As my own backward country was thrown into the media revolution I could not help but become witness to a whole world other than what I had witnessed through hearsay be destroyed by visual proof as shown on a television screen. I always believed that seeing is believing and I noticed even though the CIA rocked that the KGB was cool too… In other words television definitely opened up my eyes to the what the world was all about. I was addicted to channels like Russia today and various Chinese channels that depicted how life existed in reality and was not confined to being a taboo behind the gates of the forbidden city… Moreover, I was relieved that China Romania and the Soviet Union were actually quite hip with amazing night life, culture and had an extremely progressive outlook on life…

When Pakistan was blessed with the internet and I had my rocking 9600 bps connection it was like someone had stamped my passport with tons of visas and given me access to unlimited countries and domains… so being a typical hot blooded male from a moderately conservative nation I did my part to pollute my brain by paying homage to the famous playboy site… After the “you’ve seen one you’ve seen them all” philosophy hit me like a freight train I got bored and decided to dabble in the world of this new found booming industry… Yes I am guilty of trying to re-invent the wheel and also every over smart and not so intelligent friend was by my side to help me lose whatever savings that I had in my foolish endeavors.

When VOIP happened to me and I could see the person I was talking to for almost free a whole new world of problems and solutions was thrown in front of me. Yet I was blind as to the power of the East! The Chinese / Russians and anyone with half a brain had developed something so powerful that not even another holocaust could destroy if it tried. Forget communism this was a weapon and is a weapon that is so powerful that it can offset any economy and if it chooses build a nation and destroy anyone or anything in its way. I as a child was used to gollywogs and Cossacks and clich├ęd depictions of cultures but by far my realization of the following facts blew the doors of any not so intelligent secret service…

All that was draped in a red flag with a few yellow stars or a hammer and a sickle had trained and educated their billions of citizens how to speak not only their local language but how to speak with different western dialects. Bottom line Anthropology 101 was hammered into their citizens along with technological abilities with the focus on hard core quality being the primary concern. This army of techies today is the most powerful and undefeatable army that the west should fear. Russians stopped focusing on oil and the Chinese took an apple and now mass produce it for their western consumer base that is ready to lap up every ounce of profit it can.

The west focused on living on credit and the east held onto its culture, humility and expanded its knowledge base, Today we don’t need Yuri or who flung dung to be a 45 year old sleeper agent sitting in Washington waiting to wipe out the president of any country for a decade… it’s probably going to be a little girl known by her screen name which will most probably be “candy puff girls rule” or “hello kitty good by doggie” who can cripple the entire economy of the west with the single click of a key…

Education is a powerful weapon – it trains you how to control emotions and make educated decisions. Today I am extremely happy to state that half of the west’s technology is developed in the east and this has been through the realization of the power of education. Bottom line the new logo for silicon valley should be an anvil and we need to stop treating the east like black smiths even though we have forged an image in our minds that they are backwards… they have knowledge, understanding and the ability to spend the hard earned monies of the western taxpayer. The only thing I love about the whole thing is that the underdog actually won!

Sunday, September 5, 2010

THE WITCHHUNT FOR BLACK WATER!

I am a patriotic Pakistani that lives in a green and not so white world… I am tired by the media supporting one main issue and that is that the west is to blame for all our problems. Before we begin our journey down the rabbit hole lets consider a few things!

British, American or if I am to be politically correct then western influences have infiltrated our society. The sad thing is that we cannot seem to control our uneducated masses so a vicious opportunistic element of society breeds hate between the masses. Multinationals like KFC, PEPSI COLA and Mc Donalds are the targeted focus of physical violence the minute some chappy with a stubble decides that he’s having a bad day at home… What irritates me the most is that the same loser will be first in line smelling of ittar for a mile away in Islamabad at the embassies that he has declared an uneducated jihad upon.

Have you actually considered what the Amreekan Multinationals do? Forget the crappy conspiracy theories set by disgruntled rejects who could not make it about the free mason philosophies on life and for a minute consider this. In Pakistan many US based companies provide shelter food and clothing to hundreds and thousands of our natives. They provide a way of life and their only requirement for the masses is that they educated. I’m talking about Pepsi Cola. We refer to Pepsi as Kala Pani and a 7up as white botal. Today one needs to understand that Pepsi provides for millions of families throughout the nation in the form of jobs.

In a discussion with one of its employees I learned that the company has a very strong CSR policy to do better and endorses all health related activities whilst maintaining the ideology that Pepsi or any other carbonated product is not a substitute for water. Pepsi believes that it is a recreational drink that may be consumed by those who responsibly consume it and it endorses the feeling of looking at like from a positive perspective. Ok so where the hell did the conspiracy theory pop up from that Pakistan is being sold of to Pepsi and American multinationals. I think it’s brilliant that Mc Donalds which has a completely Halal Pakistani menu in a lot of ways is a place for family recreation.

Why on earth do we listen to the ramblings of mad men who declare that an entire nation has something against us if it is geographically placed towards the west. It is simply disgusting at how the minds of the masses have been brainwashed by those who claim to be educated in the scriptures yet are blind to the reality of establishing that our religion is a progressive and positive way of life. This article was instigated when I heard a mad man instigate that we are oppressed and we are victims of terrorism our selves. How stupid! We can and will never be the victims of anything. Us Pakistanis are thick skinned and have the ability to bear the brunt of any kind of assault. Yet we don’t have the common sense to accept the reality of living in a global economy and social market place…

We all got our panties in a twist when facebook (completely American) shut down for a few days and went insane at another European country ignored the ramblings of a fascist loser. We never sat down and tried to understand that we have a choice and we make that choice in 1947 when we had this land carved out for us… Till today we have not taken responsibility for this land and are constantly passing the blame and beging for the buck…

THE KINKY WORLD OF STYLE!

Last week Karachi was the luckiest city in the world? Why because the great moi (me!) graced it with his presence? Having been brought up on the mean streets of Clifton and Defense, I am able to defend myself from any slick mobster on a cd 70 out to rob me at the atm. Karachi was cruel to me and yet it was an education that I will never forget. I happened to dabble in the media and even claimed a completely plastic figure from the fashion world as my significant other for a period of time until it got too hot and the plastic cast melted away… I realized that there was no substance in this field of glamour and fashion as us Pakistanis lacked one thing… That was respect!

When you drive down the socially vicious world of zamzama boulevard in phase 5 defence Karachi you must have your guard up at all time. The world can only give you justice if you are in your leased new Honda civic which you cannot afford and your driver adorns a huge mustache… Should you want respect then an added Pilipino maid clutching onto your wailing offspring in their new nike’s is an added bonus to make the snooty shopkeepers take notice of you…

I used to think that Lahore was filled with culture until I hungout at butlers where if anything the butlering was terrible… I realized that the average Karachi-ite is a brilliant chameleon that can hide its true emotions and even severe the umbilical cord from their conscience when it comes to being socially acceptable. To test the true essence of the shelf life of a product one must be able to survive not only the test of time but rather the true test of vanity hidden behind every comment made by the socialite class.

Fashion is what defines a person yet it seems that the educated so called housewives turned glorified darzans have not shown any creativity at all in their lives. Rather plagiarism runs high and only those women who have the ability to buy used western magazines manage to succeed as they have a ready goof troupe of buyers who will lap up every rag they can manage to produce. The funny thing is that the more obnoxious it is the better the response.

Fashion is an art form, it is a definition of one’s expression of their personality and mood with time. Fashion never dies out and it is always re-invented with due diligence and signatures that define individuality. To this date I have seen every fashion related individuality be it a model or a designer that have had a gimmick to sell what they basically mass produce… The kinky thing is that the more repulsive a person can be either by expressing anything against the norms such as bi-sexuality to endorsing ecstasy filled parties they automatically are acceptable to those who don’t make a difference because they are different. There are designers who have no creativity yet harbor on the aspect of being portrayed as completely rude to ensure that the customer never has the guts to ask what their ideology behind a certain dress would be.

If one needs to respect the world of fashion then one needs to understand that behind the sick and twisted insecure minds lay those who have not yet been laid by circumstance or fate’s cruelties. To be a model is considered as a polite way to say that one is actually executing the oldest profession known to man, and to be a hajam automatically leads one to believe that there is some confusion within the sexual orientation of a being… When it comes down to respect and understanding we will have nothing of it as we kill the creativity from child hood when we force our offspring to focus on making it to geek and business schools rather that appreciating their creativity. Females even in this muslim oriented society are pushed and urged to fight for their stake in the insanity of an already downsized economy.

Only a handful are what provide education in fashion and design. The ones who dare to venture into these institutes often come out to face the harsh reality that unless they strip away their creativity and adorn what is socially acceptable they are doomed to fail. We need to respect that being obnoxious is not the answer to selling ones products rather the assessment of Pakistani values is what one needs to appreciate when trying to be a good designer.

Pakistan has a lot to offer and even though style has died and has no direction our creativity has not and there is still hope for those who wish to dabble in the forbidden secluded dungeons of Karachi. If only society could accept originality and harbor those who wish to make a statement then maybe the corporate would endorse those unfortunate few who actually have the talent to make a mark on the international market. Pakistan has a lot to offer in the form of wit human resource and culture… We have long stopped being optimistic and are not creating anything any more in any vertical of life rather we are fighting daily fires and our lack of education towards what we can achieve really is hidden by the mass of problems thrown at us on a daily basis.

If one has to look at the Old Karachi then one would realize that as a port not only did it contribute to being an avenue of commerce or trade rather it was a hopping and swinging stage for all those who are nearly dead. The elders will be able to identify that being in Karachi defined who you were and you were and always would be a symbol of being progressive and optimistic. Today you are not what was portrayed rather the melting pot of Pakistan is the center stage for anyone looking to make a radical statement.

If fashion has to survive then it must be freed from all forms of oppression – being a prisoner of any kind is a state of mental being and most Karachiites are prisoners of their own vices. They have allowed a new kind of fashion to take over and that is the fashion of violence. This physical expression of frustration has almost crippled a beautiful city and destroyed what once was a brilliant lifestyle. Fashion can be the stepping stone for the foundation of a new kind of Karachi if only the people unite and rather than identifying themselves through secular or religious ideologies decide to adopt the fashionable way of trying to work together. The world is filled with violence but freedom of expression is the choice of many people who have been run down by this new kind of fashion.

In conclusion style is not defined by society and fashion is your own world as you see it through your heart and mind. If you are a designer then start expressing your self and drop the photocopied versions of GQ and FHM. Understand you thoughts and even as a city you can define a new kind of style… it’s known as freedom!

ORBITUARY!

Today millions died! As you closed your eyes last night and went off into slumber all the souls of Pakistan were being bartered for between Lucifer and Gabriel. The funny thing is that there is no place for them in heaven or hell and the reason is quite simple. These souls are innocent but not pure yet there is no definition between right and wrong, black or white in their hearts. These are filled with shades of grey.

We are sad to say that when the floods came a natural disaster of unimaginable magnitude those who were affected were torn apart by those people who sold an entire school of thought behind this culture in greed and sin all in the name of charity. Those from the elite class of society were very impressed as their offspring stood at street corners and collected handouts from the passing traffic and they themselves were too busy preparing speeches as to how they had to do without as they had their maids tuck and fold scores of 501’s and high heeled shoes to give to those who have had to spend at least a day figuring out how to wear these garments.

Today Pakistan is a piece of land that has been carved out in 1947 by some disgruntled European and there is more diversity in every school of thought that exists in it rather than as the Americans love to state as a two word abbreviation for their own land known as the “melting pot”. These dead and unwanted souls will never be able to live on earth in peace and will tear each other to pieces by the time the day of judgment arrives. Even though there was a disaster proper opportunity was not taken advantage of and people focused more on other elements of self gratification rather than trying to preserve this culture though education.

Right now the main issue is to educate people and teach them to live a normal life. In Pakistan people are more delighted by the ridiculous elements that the west presents to them distracting them from the core issues. Pakistan needs to move or amalgamate the ministry of defense the Higher Education Commission and the ministry of education into a single unit and breed an army of educated souls that might actually be able to answer for their sins on the day of judgment rather than passing the blame to one another.

We need a governor of education that will educate the women how not to have a million offspring in the rural areas and establish that the ethos behind roti kapra and makaan is that one must go out and struggle to better their lives and not swoon to the politics of the illiterate self righteous clerics who seek profit in everything from a nikah to a divorce. We need to spend the next ten years educating the Girl child and re habilitating her so that from the stage of being a girl child she is not sold or thrown into woman / motherhood under a heaving and gasping eighty year old.

Protecting the girl child of Pakistan is what the theme for the flood should be. She will mother your next generation of leaders, she will suckle those who will fight for you and she will be a fierce force not to be reckoned with. Educating the women of today and the girl child is what Pakistan needs to focus on and not how to distribute Gucci and Prada to the masses who will have no respect for them. Our nation when it died was not murdered. It committed suicide and irrespective of who we blame the loss will be felt by our offspring and their legacies.

If you want to save Pakistan do the right thing. Spend your money on educating the masses and focus on educating your daughters. Let the respect for society and the true wonderful way of Pakistani life never die out as when we look at life we feel hopeless. It is time that we did a jihad and that too for a noble cause. There is no book of law or any book of religion that would stand opposing you if you educated the daughters of Pakistan. Help Pakistan break free of the chains of emotional and mental slavery from its own be doing the right thing…

You can make a difference today by hanging on to your Deepak Peerwani and Sonia Batla outfits and actually making the right choice… Education otherwise the news papers should pretty much start changing their names to orbituary namas!