Friday, March 1, 2013



I for once in my life had a complete brain fart where I could not think of a topic to write on as I knew that whatever came to mind would have something to do with politics or religion and just turn into a bitch and moan session. (Something which we have all had enough of!)  I asked for help on deciding a topic to all my friends on social media and everyone either came up with something to do with what I wanted to avoid.  As the flurry of messages came in I got the theme for my next blog / article.

We human beings are idiots!  We get two to three mobile phones, we have several email addresses, we post our best and worst moments on social media, we talk too much and always have an opinion on anything and most of all are quick to judge.  If the same is done to us we instantly tweet, blog or complain and do our best to get social sympathy to curtail the damage we fear will happen to our perfect images. Bottom line is that we are all hypocrites as we expect too much constantly. 

When we are born, as kids our parents expect us to become or be something that we do not want to be.  All babies are cute and I know for a fact that even the most macho of guys out there has a picture of him or wearing a dress or giggling in his birthday suit in a wash tub.  If these cute moments captured by parents somehow found their way onto the internet I wonder how that would look to someone perceived as really cool.  As adolescents the expectation bar is raised higher and we somehow or the other have to try to live out the fantasies of not only our parents and families but also of the social cannibalistic wolf pack that we call friends.  These who we depend so much on in reality are just a bunch of vultures waiting to shift the balance of power and get something psychological or emotional over us to claim the thrones so rightfully ours.

As you go into college the world looks different to you and the “rebel without a clue” syndrome screams at the world stating our individuality (basically a farce because in reality like sheep we establish ourselves in some food group or the other hoping not to get devoured by the one above us in the food chain).   The right songs the right relationships, clothes and places to hangout and definitely the right display picture on social media are our top priorities.  We are not talking about cost we are talking about our image here.

After college if you are lucky to get a job in a MNC then you have really had it.  Welcome to the world of sharks where kinky sex is the agenda and your personality either adopts the form of a leather clad dominatrix, or you wind up wearing an emotional diaper for the next few years as the company’s whipping post.  For sure you will have to start out by putting out for your boss who in turn puts out for his or her boss who in turn puts out for the CEO who in turn takes it with KY jelly (a simple luxury) from the board of directors who take it in turn… you get my point.  It’s a vicious circle actually a double infinity that will never cease to exist.

When you are about to get married you need to satisfy the egos of all those who must have a say in who you will spend the night having sex with “legally” for the first time in your life.  Once, you get married somehow, reality puts a crowbar into the twenty year plan and shortly after the honeymoon you spend more time running away from the person who you so craved to spend every moment of your life with in “eternal wedded happiness”.  Also complaining about the problems of a married life to all those who you need sympathy from makes you feel like you are slowly climbing back on social mount Everest again.

As kids come along somehow you seem to be caught in a whirlwind of feeling trapped and confined, just like a prisoner who’s been re-sentenced and just gotten an entire life time of remand from the ugliest homosexual SHO of your local thaana.  All you can think of is costs and numbers and somehow like a stoner sit and keep wondering with the rising inflation and your never increasing income will you wind up saving anything at all or will this revenge named democracy leave you and the fifteen generations after you in debt.  Oddly enough you seem to think that if slavery ended with the civil war then why are my masters wearing suits and ties… 

I have only been talking about guys so far, just multiply the pain factor by infinity if you have the luck of being born as a female.  Not only do you get treated unfairly, but every month your body after puberty plays havoc with you and eventually you are gifted with the labor pains (emotionally, mentally and psychologically) that you were warned about from the day you were born.  Living in this male dominated world you never get a chance to rest until you take your last breath because every nano-second of your life is spent playing defense with fate.  No matter what I say will not justify what a woman goes through on earth.  At every moment she is simply judged and as a daughter, sister and then mother she has a thankless job. 

Now I have rambled on but would like to tell you that the main essence of the entire lecture was to make you realize that society expects too much from us and we only perceive that.  Don’t say im an idiot because at least once in your day if not more you do something just because you feel others will appreciate it socially.  We in turn will do the same to them.  There are way too many expectations from us and in turn we keep expecting too much from people.  When we hire someone we tell them to work their way to the top.  We force them to behave like idiots as we have had the same done to us.  I have not seen one company where you start with a 100 marks in the beginning.  After three months if you wind up with fifteen points then it was because it was your own fault.  No one is given the benefit of the doubt.

Yet like idiots we keep re-electing the same bunch of clowns either because of a last name or because we are too scared to find someone else so we settle for what we feel will be the lesser of two evils.  People do not realize that they have an immense amount of power to be individuals and stake their claim on what they believe in.  If only we would stop expecting so much from people and trying to satisfy those who expect the world from us then everyone would not be so bitterly disappointed. 

I wrote this article / blog because I wanted to start a thought process with you if you felt deep down inside the same that I felt.  When an airplane is going down they instant throw oxygen masks at you telling you to put one on yourself and then on your companion.  Do you know the reason?  Yes we all should be a little selfish and focus on our own needs before following every person or politician that leads us on like a goat.  There is so much beauty in individuality and so much ugliness in cliché’s…

Wednesday, February 27, 2013



It seems that us Pakistani’s just love to follow trends.  Very seldom have I come across anything original that has become and stayed as a trend. Off the top of my head the only thing that was unique and original at the time of its inception was a restaurant in Karachi that served barbecued food indoors in an air-conditioned environment that became a big hit and has stayed a hit. Yes I am talking about BBQ Tonight! Other than that we have not yet come up with anything original other than Vital Signs and Junoon that we can recall as having trended.  We have plagiarized, and copied the hell out of everything in every facet of our lives.

Even in Pakistani politics everyone seems to think of it as a trend to have the next president or prime minister someone who has a lineage or like a family name to take the seat.  Pause here for a moment and then just think of a question that I ask you who is truly a Bhutto (name wise) Fatima or Bilawal?  I mean I’m just asking because if we are going to elect our next leader by the Last and I mean Last name then shouldn’t it be Fatima?  Anyways, this is just one of the few questions that I have yet to ask of you in this blog post so get ready for some more to come.

When I was a wee lad in the 80’s I remember that the trends of the time were Michael Jackson who was being so bad and did not raise a question about being black or white but surely influenced us enough to do the moon walk at every social gathering. Also the simple fact that most kids that I knew at any of the schools or clubs were dying to get their hands on a pair of Rayban Wayfarers just so that they could follow the trend of Wham.  Question to you all is was life more simpler then and why is it all so complicated now with time as the most precious commodity whereas back then friends were the top priority?

Our lack of originality and the fact that we have bitterly sold out to the west is clearly displayed by how we readily eat up all their nonsense that they feed us.  This nonsense is built up of tangible products and excuses for misbehavior (drone attacks etc.) yes we lap it all up with our arms open wide we readily accept it as we all wish to live what they call the American Dream with hopes of visa’s and foreign nationality to anywhere but here.  We cherish and boast about these passports and quick exit schemes from our country but in a hypocritical alternative reality live under an umbrella of patriotism that we so claim to portray.  Little do we realize that the so called American Dream which seems to be trending in every yuppies subconscious in reality is a world built on lies and most of all has no foundation that will sustain a hard working human being as what everyone sees in the movies a glamorous lifestyle and get rich quick dreams. My questions to you are where does our reality begin?  Is it in there here and now or do we perceive it to be in the hereafter when we all actually get our seventy two virgins each?  Oddly enough I can tell you this much to help you answer this questions the fact that each of us Pakistani’s wants the seventy two virgins and wants the pearly gates, but not one of us wants to die to get them…

When we follow trends in Pakistan usually our media is the one to lead them on.  Either influenced by an Indian movie or some kind of kinky fascination with the west our media obliterates any form of decency when it comes to following standards.  I honestly feel that reporters when they join the job are told that bad news is good news and the second most important thing is that anything goes…  For example there is no form of true investigative reporting here, everyone is selling to the highest bidder or advertisers.  I somehow feel like I am standing in a slave market before the US civil war and the powers that be are trading in flesh.  If you own a business then I am sure you would understand the wonderful note you get with a thirty rupee bullet inside it claiming a fortune that you would not have.  My question to you is why did we let this become an uncomfortably acceptable trend?

Once again take the example of the word trending comes to mind when we look at Friar TUQ or better known as Tahir Ul Qadri.  It’s irrelevant about how successful he was politically, as I would like for you to consider his contribution to the Urdu language.  He introduced a word that I have not heard for the past forty years of my life but something that every news anchor loves to use which is “Dharna”!  Also hats off to this chap as seems that as of late all you have to do is get a bunch of placards and have more than three people who have all the time on their hands and guess what you have a “Dharna”…  Furthermore, the trend that I find ridiculous is that how politicians are looking to find a way to disown their parties and hop skip and jump ship all for the cause of personal fame.  My question to you is that are you that blind to see the obvious?

The last point leads me state that we have forgotten about being Pakistani’s and are too busy following the most ridiculous trends rather than focusing on the core issues at hand, which if you break them down basically are the pillars of Islam or any given religion for that matter.  No I am far from a fundo and do not state that you should start praying all the time.  What I am saying is that adopt some morals and face the reality that what you do today and the people you vote in today and the decisions you make today, if you are not careful will be exactly what you will be complaining about tomorrow.  Oh yes! Bitching and moaning is another Pakistani trend that I might say is quite common. 

As the elections are coming I will urge you not to follow a Tsunami of trends led by lions on bicycles or rockets but make up your own mind and be original because that is what you believe in.  If education for the girl-child is something that you support then voice that.  If you are a socialist then stake your claim if you are pro-west then stand up and wave your red white and blue with a  hint of green and white but for God’s sake don’t follow a trend that has been repeating its self every five years or so since the eighties.  Be unique, be strong, if you want a piece of heaven and the seventy virgins that go along with it then be ready to die for it but most of all stay blessed.

Monday, February 25, 2013


Freedom Parda Parks

I have always been one to mock and laugh at women wearing an abaya / burqha and like most of my fellow citizens I have referred to them as “Ninjas!” but yesterday I met with a scholar who was talking about women, women’s rights in Islam and I realized that there is a lot of pressure on these women and they simply just do not get a break.  As I kept on discussing I realized that Females are considered as the weaker sex not only in Pakistan but globally and that they are constantly on the defensive when it comes to surviving in this “man’s” world.  To add to that if they belong to Islam they are more imprisoned by restrictions and laws that I felt imprisoned them.

As this scholar kept rambling I lost interest and whilst physically still in the room my thoughts wandered off into another dimension where I was contemplating how we could give “Muslim” women freedom and liberation.  Just as I was pondering all of this our entire nation went dark with one of the biggest black outs caused by an error at the national power grid.  On my way home I passed by a few parks where in the spring humidity I saw families hanging out in public places that they thought would be safe and majority of the women were “yes” burqa clad.  Then it all of a sudden struck me how to give women their freedom to a certain extent…

I realized that we love to make parks but a month after they are made they get vandalized and become havens for dating and all kinds of illegal activity even though the idea is to make them for families.  Why doesn’t this government make a few parks in every city that will have a walking track, a gym, and snack points and maybe a clinic and convenience store catering to women’s needs.  This park should be surrounded by fifteen foot walls and barricades where only women will be allowed to enter.  It should be managed by women as well as policed by female police officers and anyone working there should be a female.

This will allow our Muslim women a place to remove their burqas and abayas and give them at least a sense of freedom to some extent.  The concept is to allow these women to meet and communicate and talk with one another without the fear of violating any of the billion restrictions on them in anyway shape or form.  These women are our mothers, sisters and daughter who will bear the next generation so why not go an extra mile and make safe havens for them and give them a bit more comfort than they already have.

I know many of you will laugh at me but it’s only an Idea and something we should look into as after all we all have to answer to our own conscience at some time.  As I end this I am curious to know as to how many people will laugh at my concept and how many will share it and agree with it…