Friday, December 13, 2013



Before you read on note that I am extremely frustrated because when I buy a donkey cart I put the donkey before the cart when I want it to do something…  Before you condemn my outburst please note that I have had an affiliation with PTA & PTCL for the past two decades as my father was Alcatel’s Chairman.  I have seen most exchanges be re-vamped and through Alcatel seen how they operate and work (PTCL)

Sadly PTCL has tested my limits as far as patience goes and has as a service provider left me with no option but to tell the entire world how a DM / Director or whatever is so busy & “in a meeting” that he does not have the time to facilitate a corporate connection.  (Chai Paani nahi diya naa) now the exchange of Defence stepped in and told me to tell the president house about this so I decided to hit the web and social media because I feel that our president and PM have more pressing matters to deal with.

My office is at SMCHS and has been there for 50 years we had six lines but constantly were paying the line man chai paani to fix our connections for PTCL DSL – which keep going down – as a geek I requested that a ten pair wire be installed form the DB to my office which was promsed to me if we opened four more connections by some Riaz chap.

We installed the lines did the paper work and legal requirements and what happened was that we were hounded for extra Value Added Services but the ten pair wires NEVER laid.  I am sending this e-mail from a qubee connection which I was forced to buy because my taxpaying rupees are there to facilitate biscuits and tea for these people whose salaries we pay to be in never ending meetings.  All he keeps asking is if we had the Value Added Services Connected or not.  That is like buying a cellular connection and not have a mobile handset…

It is sick and pathetic that a public company like PTCL can be so dysfunctional and its staff belive in peeri mureedi – I am exhausted and glad my father retired as the Chairman of Alcatel the year he did because that same year PTCL starting banging the media with Mr. One pound fish…  Maybe they should change their line of work to slapstick media production. 

If you in the G-9 office can read this then give a reason to not complain when you are asking me to put the cart before the donkey!



I write this post as it makes sense to me and I do not wish to have you understand it if you are a man unless you wish to do so.  This post is about respecting women and giving them what they truly deserve. 

Today if you look at Pakistan a woman has no rights!  Across the border it has become a fad to gang rape a woman every three months and have it covered as a part of the international press…  Here in Pakistan we do much worse than that because we have stripped their rights and in order for a woman to get any justice she needs to have four witnesses to prove her claim of any form of wrong against her.

We are a nation of insecure gun toting cannibals who will kill our first born should it be a "she" (Hellooo - I speak of the general population that is not urban) and the girl-child has no rights that protect her as such in this radically brainwashed school of modern day thought!  Our society is so sexist that our men do not realize that in their sexist remarks of male superiority they themselves were born from the womb of a woman and their flesh and blood is from her so they must respect her.

Our women need more rights and more justice in this not so perfect world because it is so sad that two most common profanities in the Urdu language are that of a sister and a mother.  The day that Pakistan starts respecting its women and providing free education for the girl-child will be the day that an entire nation will always have a ray of hope.  The evil that men do can only be undone by the righting of a mother teaching her child not to sin the same way his father did.

Oddly enough a man that has lived on the edge of wildness will only understand the value of a woman the day he becomes a father to one.  That man who has a daughter I feel is the luckiest man alive because when his son falls in love and runs off to sow his own oats his own daughters will always remain at his feet loving and caring for him. 

For those that portray that Islam states that women have no rights need to understand that if you read our Holy Quran you can also perceive it as not restricting but “Protecting” the rights of a woman.  The man who protects a woman’s rights thus giving her the freedom to remain in the here and the now under Shariah law is truly a man that I will salute because has no fear and insecurity.

As I end this note I would like to tell all Pakistani men that if you have a problem with women then it takes two hands to clap and personally I feel women are incredibly stupid because on the day of judgment your own mother (a woman) will be the only one who would be willing to trade her place in heaven to wash away your sins when you will be unable to give any excuses and take your place in hell…  

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Thursday, December 12, 2013



Please understand one fundamental element which is the basis of this entire post and that is “People run companies & NOT brand names or labels”.  I state this being a hard core sales person that has the ability to successfully close over 86% of every sale that I focus on.

Also in order for any company or organization to make a buck its distribution or “sales” arm has to be constantly nurtured whilst appreciating the company’s value monetarily as well as curtailing is CoGS (Cost of Goods Sold). 

Your mind must be wandering off immediately to the retail industry and to some big name distribution setups but this is also relevant to the finance world (banking & insurance) Pharma industry, automotive you name it – if the industry has a product be it B2B or B2C then you know that the industry has a distribution network (Sales team).  It can be a one man show that is a CEO who rubs his elbows in the BOSS suit at the Sind or the Punjab Club or be it someone like Abu Dawood that carries the company P&G which was built by the hard work of IBL.

The statement above goes to show that Companies & Clients are NOT at all loyal like old school wives rather they behave like a whining mistress that will always hold the distribution company hostage with the threat of milking them for what they are worth and then desert the ship upon setting their sights on a newer bigger brand named target.  In other words no industry has any form of loyalty left in it that will give it the emotional security that they are somewhat safe.

Now this is not a bitching session about how bad distribution is rather this is a post telling you that if you rely on people to drive your sales for you then you need to take care of them.  Let’s face it if you are in the bank then your pawns or soldiers who are the RM’s from two different branches are always fighting against each other to get business from the same neighborhood rather than helping each other.  Those Salesmen that acquire a wealth of customers gladly job trade with a competitor bank and for 10,000 rupees more take the clients with them to another bank only to return after 12 – 18 months at a ridiculously high pay raise as long as they bring the “business” back with them.   Same goes for the insurance setup & retail distribution.

Because companies do not invest in re-training and appreciating the core value of their existing staff they wind up adding human resource to their HR departments to handle all the unnecessary paperwork that is caused by this huge horizontal career change because there is no vertical growth. 

Telco’s & Pharma companies need to constantly invest on re-investing into their human resource because along with the rest of the world Pakistan especially Karachi is not growing business wise.  I speak from a sales perspective that it takes a doctor to train a doctor so as a sales hound I must tell you that you need a salesman to teach your staff how to close 85% of the time and what not to say and how to read a customer when making a deal for you.
If your team is happy your numbers will go up and your BOD will be smiling otherwise it makes no difference how big the brand name is it is pointless having a sales team because the good will of your brand will sell its self. 

You need an educated smart working distribution network that will add value to your CoGS rather than be a burden to it.  Money in the bank is what matters not credit parchis from the entire market!  From a sales perspective do see my linked in profile so that I may help add value to you your sales team.

Also do follow my blog as its quite ridiculously entertaining...that is if you like what & how I write! 
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Pakistan has by far got to be either the most hypocritical nation or a country filled with two schools of thought that go completely against each other.   There is a lull in the business community that there is no money to be driven from the sad economy due to the current political volatility and then there is that complete opposite behavior depicted by the spending habits of the consumers which display via the oriented grey channel that brands such as Victoria’s Secret, Garnier and Johnny Rockets have a home in the hearts and wallets of our nation.

We as a nation need to get one thing straight that Starbucks will not come here and open a retail outlet because we are a tea drinking nation which is in a painfully slow conversion to a coffee oriented culture by the slow and resilient presence of Nescafe and Dunkin Donuts.  It has nothing to do with a Jewish lobby or anti American school of thought because the bottom line is the rupee apple pie is not big enough for them to want a slice out of it.   Pakistani’s love brand names and we must have them at all costs…  There are those who shop abroad and wear labels from what they know to be classy that has been handed down via culture and then you have the other 94% of Pakistan that has been educated via cable TV and social media and then love to hoard stuff from cheap knock off outlets like in Zainab Market.   

For a nation with so many taboos and religious restrictions as to what is politically correct we are pushed more towards and obnoxious extreme to prove our peacocking skills via the strengths of our wallets.  Both the sexes dress to attract the opposite with one desire in mind and that is to ensure that a level of class is established when brandishing their arsenal of handbags and wallets and if possible SUV’s and vehicles to the awaam.

Whilst the “registered” tax paying economy is in a slump and most big names are re-considering options to stay for another few years on the green and white turf they heavily weigh in the option of how as principles they are able to benefit from the pull generated via the grey market and off the books khepia sales which will see them some money in the bank.  If you want a perfect example of this its TGI Fridays which abandoned Cupola and left the fast food ship to sink and now is coming back bigger and harder because what it misconceived to be a Titanic loss turned out to be a luxury liner like the Queen Elizabeth 2 that has the ability to withstand the test of time.

The consumers have a very powerful say in what they want and that is clearly depicted by the growing number of cinema screens that cater to the masses and a firm realization that in order to survive we as a blue blooded nation have a craving and an addiction for greenbacks flowing through our veins.  This post is to let you know that irrespective of what the press tell you – you need to walk into the local kariyana store and observe how many brand names you will find that were not there over a decade ago.  Pakistan will do well and it will survive because the media driven heroine addiction has built people that are local names as well as products that we never thought would exist here that are surviving there here and the now!  All brand managers need to do is tap the right vein and inject the right amount of inspiration with good timing to take their companies from the red into the black!  So invest in Pakistan as its is a gold mine waiting to be explored!

Sunday, December 8, 2013



Before you read on please note that this is NOT a serious post but since the headline caught your attention this also affects you so bear in mind the FOUR following facts!
  1. You should never let your guard down around old servants / employees as they are the ones who mostly take you for granted and take advantage of you.  Irrespective of how long they have served you, you must always maintain the decorum of an employer by being formal.
  2.  Whatever happens to you is partly your fault because it takes two hands to clap and if you did not lose the formality element then the chances of the unfortunate instance that happened tp you would have been reduced significantly in the first place.
  3. I am not out for vengeance but have become a Mamoo too many times in the past decade and this happy occasion where I become a Mamoo becomes immensely expensive Time, Emotion & Money wise at my cost ALWAYS! 
  4. Lastly I never knew I had so many sisters & mothers out there in my servants own families.  This has brought about a greater realization about how the two most common profanities in the Urdu language were invented.

Now let’s begin at why I am so upset!

I am a ruthless salesman – I sleep, eat, breathe and walk sales and am constantly in attack mode when it comes to scouting for a new prospect to sell “something” to.  Bear in mind that I have some Islamic principles that I follow such as I do not give bribes and am extremely honest so I get a lot of repeat business and there are two elements of respect I immensely enjoy which are that CEO’s & business owners pick my call irrespective of where they are within the first 3 rings & I usually get paid what I ask for if not more in advance because I don’t waste their time and disrespect them with anything that is not a concrete benefit to them in a monetary sense.

Most of you work to live but I love what I do and get financial and personal satisfaction doing what I do so I live to work.  So now to do my job well which I completely love I have a core team of people both domestic & professional who I have engaged to help meet this purpose.  For my staff I have two rules only.  Never lie to me & your mobile must always be on at all times for when I need you!

The form of return respect I give to them is that I ensure they get paid WITHOUT FAIL on the 24th of the current month (before the month is over) at whatever rate we have agreed upon.  Even if it is a Sunday or a bank holiday I ensure they all get paid and NEVER give an excuse in this matter.  I am also a part time social worker because I ensure that all my staff are take care of as far as their families go so that they can serve a greater purpose which should be “ME”!

Please do not think that I am trying to become Mother Teresa because I am worse than Attila the Hun or Genghis Khan when it comes down to taking my chaps or girls to task for errors  made by them…  Their failure in executing or inwardly digesting what clear simple instructions I politely give to them affects my revenue generating skills that enable me to meet the self-set deadline to pay their salaries and mistakes always cost money in some way and always to the employer in some form or another.  After I get upset I always apologize because I value human life and feel bad inwardly when I am rude to anyone.

However, sadly this relationship is a one way love affair because in my stupidity I have come to realize that my staff even ones that have been with me for over a decade have no regard for me and treat me like a soiled sanitary napkin and I feel I am not given the same respect as far as lihaz goes in the form of honesty and am constantly being taken for granted. 

An example of this is that…  Wait let me tell you how I got this example as solid concrete evidence so back to about “me” again…  When I sell stuff my clients are king so their anniversaries birthdays and kids and secretaries happy occasions also follow suit.  I don’t send an SMS or a simple message on social media I give them my most precious commodity which is time – stop whatever it is I am doing and go and visit them and wish them ALL in person.  (Something I learnt when I interned with Dr. Muhammad Younis) in order to manage this I have everyone’s info in my mind and hard copy and cloud and computer etc. (you get the point)

Now back to the example of being taken for a ride or being made a Mamoo so here goes.  One of my staff members when I was in the midst of a busy day came to me with tears in his eyes saying that his mother in law had died and was terribly upset.  Usually it is an occasion to distribute sweets from what we understand but I was compassionate to give him two days off.  I even gave him cash for the expenses over and above his wage.  When I offered to come for the last rites I was told that it was a tough time and that he would manage it and that I should carry on with my more pressing matters.

As I sat at my computer I realized that when I made a note that his mother in law had died on that date the instance already popped up as a clash twice within the period of the past 48 months.  I was so confused that I wanted to call his wife at 2am and ask her if she was actually sure that the body they would be burying would be the last so called “mother” or would I have to question the authenticity of the womb she had been held for 9 months again next year. 

I sat down and then thought where I had gone wrong because I was terribly upset that someone had made an idiot out of me repeatedly.  That is when it dawned on me that I do social welfare anyway with my staff so I should start an NGO that only monitors the population of Pakistan.  This is because it seems to me that my staff or people in general have mysterious emergencies near the holiday times when I am emotionally charged any ways to be charitable.

I now realize that the amount of relatives they wind up killing every year is so ridiculous that it should curb their ability to expand the total number of their constantly growing family.  If this also happens to you then we (you the reader & me) MUST open a NGO because we need to find out how can so much contraception be so ineffective when so many people are dying.  It would also help NADRA clarify details for the next census because they would know how many people have died more than once.  I for one want to meet someone who has been to heaven so that I can actually tell our terrorists if the 72 virgin theory is true or not.

Also, kindly note that we should open a second NGO to aid the health monitoring ones as well because what I find extremely odd is the number of relatives that my staff has that have cancer and other terminal diseases who seem to outlive the elderly people I know who have fantastic health care.  We all love our relatives so this Ngo will serve a fantastic purpose to help us understand how we can extend their lives for an indefinite period with shoddy and cost cutting health care to spend it on the rising cost of education for our kids.

Further to this has anyone bothered asking your maids where the bruises are from the abusive husband who mistreats them so much and physically abuses them so much due to substance abuse?  Also we need to get the cops involved so a third Ngo would benefit the cause to help these maids who are always getting punched and hit and kicked around and having their money stolen from them.  We need to tell our maids to take pictures from their expensive 8 megapixel phone cameras tucked under their bras and MMS them to CPLC so that they may get the justice they desire rather than hitting up our wives every six months for a loan that will resolve the matter.  Women are important so we need to help them.

Lastly we need to fund and support Green Star Marketing and tell them to run a campaign on social media and TV where our drivers and houseboys will know how to effectively use contraception which would be cheap and Halal so that they do not have to be stressed about feeding their 69th child.  Perhaps 69 would be a better option for some of them because it would occupy both ends of the body which have orifices that make a lot of noise.

By now you get my point and that is that you should keep your staff as staff and avoid falling for expensive traps.  People are looking for jobs so there are ready available human resource and mostly those who you trust over a period of time will take you for granted so don't worry you have many options.  Do not allow these people who have been there for a long time to insult your intelligence as I allowed my chaps to do it to me rather please use common sense and remove emotion from any servant who is not a blood relative.

I have witnessed this that those we trust have violated us in more ways than one and it is not our fault.  Every relationship needs to be based on Honesty and respect so how can you tolerate a rouge staff member when you would kill an unfaithful spouse or horrible child!  Be wise be aware and be informed…