Pages

Saturday, April 12, 2014

THE FUCKIT LIST

THE FUCKIT LIST
Today priorities have changed and as I am a salesman these are the few things that I have listed that piss me off!  You might agree with me if not feel free to give your rebuttals…
01 Time is the most precious commodity today and people whilst working in top jobs have little or no time managements skills… they fart around the office on social media or in meetings (coffee parties) in bored (Pun intended) rooms and then sit till 10pm running the lights and fans and increasing the COGS of their employers trying to look busy but achieve fuck all because their minds are burnt out from procrastinating all day!

02 When some ittar clad, fake prada and Gucci knock off wearing social wannabe newbies arrive (age and sex does not matter)  in an entourage at any given venue – can be a mall super market or even a hospital or even sadder and open their doors but refuse to get off because they are in the midst of an important call to discuss what Kameena Lawn to buy or in the case of guys what Kameeni they will unscrew at night thus blocking up the entire traffic because they seriously think the world will not exist without them!
03 How people get upset when you ask them why they lied to you about being sick and broke and how their hangover is and if they want coffee for it because you saw the instagram & facebook posts along with foursquare checkins at some social elite club where they hosted an orgy of booze and horrible food to fit in with those who they aspire to be! 
04 Why the fuck do people call you up promising you an immense amount of business and fight you down for the penny on a bulk volume sale  for their company but at the end of the day they just want a discount on an iphone on 90 days credit which they will forget.
05 How someone calls you for a business quote in a friggin constant emergency – you feel like the guys bitchy wife has her legs up in the stirrups and is about to bring quadruplet puppies into this world and is crowning so he must have the cost NOW!  Once you give your cost the fucker vanishes and refuses t pick your call thus fucking your other professional relationships because in turn your people think you are being a Gandu and not responding!

06 Why people arrive at a social venue get off their cars stinking of newbie credit based wealth and make a hoo haa about why they were late due to work at 11pm at night because of some deal they were in the midst of closing…. Yet once again delaying everyone at the cinema because they have to make a fashionably late statement!

07 When you invite someone for an occasion they drink your free spirits and eat up what soul you present to them only to post on social media that the world should know they did you a favor by coming to your occasion because all they really wanted to do was work their way up the social ladder where otherwise they would never have been given the time of the day by those who really matter!
08 How people misconceive your politeness loyalty and affection and willingness to go out of your way for them as a sign of weakness and think they are irreplaceable and you cannot live without the company owned automobile they drive when in reality these narcissistic fucks really are not worth the time of day because they take you for granted and if you stopped picking up their phones it would not matter because they would find another nipple to suckle on where they would do the same thing to someone else!

09 When you stop giving someone the respect of the time or picking up their calls they bitch about how terrible you are forgetting the fact that they have over a period of time tested your patience and sanity by displaying no integrity or respect to you at all so honesty really does even come in here!  All they have as a weapon is to play the innocent victim card!

10 How people expect you to remember their birthdays and important occasions but take little or no interest in what is going on in your life only what they can benefit from yon immediately and that too without paying for it!   The sad thing is everyone insults your intelligence and if you overlook it because you want to keep a relationship they call you a chutia in public!

This is what society has come down to today where we live in a world where we can get the most out of everyone forgetting basic values because we are in some form of debt…  People to get ahead lie and trample on the lives of others thus stripping themselves of any form of humanity so when they pray five times a day it makes me wonder “what soul are they trying to save?”

If you need to contact me or wish to befriend me then please... 
To work with me connect with me on Linked In - http://pk.linkedin.com/in/amynaghulamali/
or add me on facebook - https://www.facebook.com/AmynAGhulamali

Disclaimer! - The opinions I post are my own and I do not intend to hurt or offend you!  If you cannot allow me my freedom of thought then you have the right to voice an opinion and navigate away on the web.  If you follow my blog I thank you as it’s quite ridiculously entertaining...that is if you like what & how I write! 


Friday, April 11, 2014

INSIDE DETAILPRO



INSIDE DETAILPRO
If you live in Pakistan and belong to that strata of society where you own a car with an A/C (does not matter if you lease it or own it on cash) then let’s face it, you either have experienced some or all of the following things mentioned below!
  1. Your car is the last thing that you worry about because life is too hectic and you are trying to make ends meet thus ignoring it to a point where you do the bare minimum to keep it running so that it is able to help you make a quick buck to keep your home kitchen running.
  2. You have that one mechanic and service wala like a mobile wala, ghar ka electrician or plumber who you trust but in reality is a Gandu because he makes a mamoo out of you and takes advantage of your inability to spend time getting things fixed so whilst giving you a deal he does f**k all only ensure you wind up back with him in 30 – 60 days with some problem again!
  3. When it comes to buying a new car and you want to sell your old one you need a mochi to stitch up your rear end after you hear the estimated value given to you because you ignored your movable asset to a point of no return and it’s too late to try to put life back into the dead horse.
  4. In Pakistan we take things for granted and we loooove to listen to our friends and people love to give advice but very seldom are they willing to put their own money into what they offer you as a form of advice.  Bottom line your friends are the ones who will not bother paying you back and taking you for granted but will demand everything from you on a yesterday basis!
Now in life all of us go to work because we HAVE to do so.  We stop and the lights go off in the house and there’s no candy for the maasi to come and clean and in turn your chowkidaar finds a house with a cuter maasi! Very few of us have the luxury of going beyond the norms and doing something ridiculous and making a good buck to keep our homes running!  I am one of those few who does just that but there is also another person whom I have known since childhood who really loves waking up and working!
The man is AC or Adnaan Chaudhary and he cleans cars for a living!  I have known Adnaan for about 31 years now and we have some similar traits.  If you know me then either you want to slap me silly and put masking tape on my mouth and call me an insane “mother f*cker” because I am blunt opinionated and give off an air that my farts don’t smell and know it all, or you give me the respect of picking up my phone call on the first ring and not only do you swallow up what tech solution I am selling, but you inwardly digest it transfer the funds online and wait for the invoice because you know ke “yeh kahin nahi jaaye ga!”  Now that is Adnaan when it comes to cars!
Adnaan Chaudhary like me has had a rough life because he was born in a society where everyone in the early 80’s used to walk around with the bank of dad ATM card 24 hours a day and never had to work to get where they are today because it was handed to them.  (half the people we know today who we call successful are those who have inherited this social wealth)  I mean give me a break if daddy left you ten arab dollars it’s no achievement if you made a million more on that!   If you however worked hard you whole life and you own your own car and home (not mortgage or leased) even if it is a small house then you are successful in my eyes!  (I yet have to get there by the way!)
Adnaan started off as a misfit who started teaching and was so passionate that Annu got scared due to his desire to ensure his students did well.  Adnaan won half the battle because kids respected because he has this ability to connect with someone and kids can easily see through social politics like a pet because they unlike us adults are not so corrupted by social politics!  As he was crazy about cars and always has been but could (at that point in the 80’s) not afford his own S Class he started something unique many years late and that was detailing cars like it was done in the US.
Any over smart Gutka chewing service walla will strip your vehicle and your wallet using abrasive chemicals thus giving it shine but not do a proper job!  Adnaan will break your car down to the frame and clean it with a toothbrush and make sure that he and his team can restore the value of your car.  The funny thing is that if you can digest the ability to accept that you are a serial rapist after the way you have treated your asset then you should go to Detail Pro because they are actually very honest with all that they do!
They have many more than satisfied customers because they have the ability to deliver honest quality.  The only drawback here at detail Pro is that you HAVE to wait your turn!  Yes get in line because Adnaan ensures that he personally looks into each cars himself.  Rather than become a pump wala where there are larkas doing the stuff Adnaan is one of the Larkas and you will often find him under your car healing it from all the abuse that you have put her through!
Personally I have never been to Adnaan to get my car cleaned actually restored & if you know me I am not writing about him because he offered to service “me”(my ego) for free I am writing about him because in ridiculous times like the ones we live in when there is someone or something out there who has had the ability to withstand the test of time through honest good intentions and smart hard effort it needs to be brought to light!
My advice check out the page and if you do decide to visit him then for God’s sake consider him to be an experienced professional who will guide you as to the reality of the here and the now of what he can do for you!  Only go to him if you will listen to him and understand what he is all about!  DetailPro is just a name but if you want that kind of quality then you need to understand the man behind the name and what he is all about!   Today after your daughter you can only trust your doctor, your lawyer and your banker (to an extent) and he is all three when it comes to one of your major moveable assets!  Before you go please understand that every experience is unique so have no expectations but know one thing with AC around there is always light at the end of the tunnel when it comes to restoring the value of your vehicles! 

AC or Adnaan can be found probably under a car that he is detailing or in the desert covered in dust at a rally but most likely at - https://www.facebook.com/DetailPro69

If you need to contact me or wish to befriend me then please... 
To work with me connect with me on Linked In - http://pk.linkedin.com/in/amynaghulamali/
or add me on facebook - https://www.facebook.com/AmynAGhulamali

Disclaimer! - The opinions I post are my own and I do not intend to hurt or offend you!  If you cannot allow me my freedom of thought then you have the right to voice an opinion and navigate away on the web.  If you follow my blog I thank you as it’s quite ridiculously entertaining...that is if you like what & how I write! 

Monday, April 7, 2014

METROSEXUALLY YOURS!

METROSEXUALLY YOURS!

Today, the health and beauty industry is really something that every man woman and child is willing to invest in!  Either you are selling it or buying it because these times favor the good looking!  Let’s face it, impressions matter and if you are not so good looking then you might not get that job for which you have an interview if you show up unshaven with sweat patches under your arms!  In the far east people spend millions of dollars you be surgically perfected into Barbie dolls and in the west actors and actresses go through phenomenal changes with not only their hair but body as well to look the part that they are trying to sell!  
If you are a Pakistani then you have been sold as a kid by your parents to the school system to get you admission because the night before you had a haircut and on that morning your mom made sure that you smelt extra good and went to the toilet before you met your judge jury and executioner for the next few years of your life!  If you are middle aged then you know that you went to get waxed, shaved polished, manicured and pedicured before you sold your self to that lucky person who would show you some form of fireworks that you want in your life!
Today it’s not about a ladies salon or the old school barbers shop any more.  People who are smarter and wiser love to spend time making sure that they look good and this is where the glorified housewives turned beauticians make a killing!  The old hags who have dominated the press and have withstood the test of time have botoxed themselves into trying to sell the same regime to aunties who keep getting ripped off but never leave them.  Guys on the other hand are more adventurous and will plunge into trying a new establishment because hey its wax on and wax off! If I was trying to sell you women a new hair joint I would have better luck convincing you that we are still owned by the British because when it comes to your looks every old hag knows that she is loyal to her special stylist!
What is style?  Style is something that is always acceptable to you and if you are comfy with it and you are happy in your own way then that is your style!  Sadly society identifies itself with clich├ęs and refuses to accept something new in the form of a spa or a salon unless they have seen it on Hum TV or some wannabe TV star gets a couple of free bikini waxes and texts and tweets about it in exchange as payment!  (I’m talking about the guys here!  Female TV artists are another world of beggars who think that three minutes of fame allow them to push the begging bowls of freebies thus taking the make up industry for granted)
Those salons who give in make a buck by (overcharging you the average person) and they make you feel great that you are paying quadruple the price because they are terrified to tell you that if they didn’t, these salons would NOT be able to pay their bijli and dhobi ka bills for the towels they used to wipe down the bikini wax areas which are now being used to freshen your smile!  If all else fails these salons quickly run to Deal Today and try to make up for lost time there in the form of value thus compromising on quality of service and products.
I visited a joint today called Sephora and it was a refreshing change to see that the place was very unique!  It caters to the metrosexual human being that has an appreciation of the finer things in life!  Sephora is unisex and the best thing about it is that there are professionals who cater to your needs.  What I found absolutely remarkable was that the place had an immense amount of Glam value to it.  
So much so that I thought that Salvatore Ferregamo would definitely frequent the place.  The owner has created a fantastic venue for people to meet and where the modern day couple could either get any form of treatment done together or with exclusive privacy!   When I talk about wow factor I must tell you that there is that splurging of money on an establishment where one screams new money but when it comes to Sephora one realizes that this display of wealth in the form of design simplicity and ambience is not there to impress you but let you know that it whispers elegance and class!
If you are to tell me that the owner worked for a well-known hair stylist for close to a decade and that she got it all from there then let me tell you one thing!  I respect her zeal for pushing the norms to break away from the job market and having the courage to venture out on her own as that takes an immense amount of guts which every Pakistani does not have!  
If you walk into the establishment you will soon realize that you are not talking to daddy’s little girl rather someone who has enough experience to that will convince you break the norms and go with a unique look that suits you!  I think that is great! Why? Because let’s face it, no point in walking into a local brand name to get the same cut. Most stylists for fear of losing you will never suggest something new and be adventurous because if you moan at a coffee party your stylist will be renamed as a Kasai.
For this new venture to work I am sure that all those opinionated aunties out there will run away for sure because they will be too afraid to try experiencing something new!  The youth between 16 to 45 will fall in love with the place because it also give you daycare for your kids and whilst you moms are having your toes painted you can also get juniors hair trimmed to look extra cute in whatever school you want them to be in!  its remarkable as the owner has thought of everything and has catered to the working and stay at home moms because it is a relief to have your kids being watched whilst you can focus on being ready for that someone who you will want to watch you at night!  
The youth will love it because the place is simply cool and it gives you an iPad to play with whilst you chill out with free wifi…  Oh yes if you are an old school banker and do not want to play Pet Rescue then you can also use the iPads to read your favorite paper on line!  Sephora has not yet been officially launched so I would suggest that you do visit it and experience the quality that you expect!  I am sure that when it comes to salons Sephora will raise the expectation bar to a whole new level and definitely make every other salon evaluate their existing service and quality standards!


If you need to contact me or wish to befriend me then please... 
To work with me connect with me on Linked In - http://pk.linkedin.com/in/amynaghulamali/
or add me on facebook - https://www.facebook.com/AmynAGhulamali

Disclaimer! - The opinions I post are my own and I do not intend to hurt or offend you!  If you cannot allow me my freedom of thought then you have the right to voice an opinion and navigate away on the web.  If you follow my blog I thank you as it’s quite ridiculously entertaining...that is if you like what & how I write! 

Sunday, April 6, 2014

STRANGE LOVE

STRANGE LOVE
Nobody can ever understand the pain, humiliation, anger, resentment and turmoil that a rape victim has gone through unless they themselves have been a victim at some point or the other.  Ok! That got your attention so on a lighter note when someone meets you in public dressed in an Asim Jofa Jora carrying a Louis Viton Bag, wearing 6 inch Gucci Stilettos and tells you that they feel terrible that you lost your job and are “socially sympathetic” you really do not care, rather deep down resent them at some point or the other…
I have been lucky to have lived abroad and am extremely lucky to have been a resident of each of the four provinces that matter.  In fact I have also spent a significant amount of time near the border in “Not” so Azad Kashmir!  In my travels all over the country and especially all over the world I found many similarities amongst the Balochi’s, Pushtoons, Punjabis & Sindhis!   No point in going over them all as you know what every citizen is complaining about.  But however, one thing that really tickles my noodle is that in every social circle big or small, urban or rural, suburban or professional there is always that element of society where we are hypocritically critical of any and everything around us and like to meddle in matters that do not concern us!
Common sense prevails and tells us that it takes two hands to clap but we ignore the grey matter within our minds and always go with our heart getting ourselves into trouble many times repeating the same mistakes because we are narcissistic suckers who love being loathed over as victims.  There are those who can hack it here and continue to prove that they have faith in God because living in this country seriously makes everyone question that If the majority of us are praying five times a day then Allah must surely be merciful and actually listening to the 180 million plus sinners.  This is because no matter what you do or say as a nation that has so much in the form of natural resources and attributes one has to agree with the philosophy that our country is running on prayers as it is remarkable how Pakistan can keep running due to all the internal commotion that goes on constantly. 
The average Pakistani citizen has become very thick skinned and can inwardly digest any form of torture and pain thrown at us from the west in the form of sanctions and irrespective of what the world thinks this generation has one great ability and this to use the middle finger emotionally and not give a f*ck!   Today Pakistan is a monster that cannot be controlled because it has the ability to morph and change loyalties, ideals and values within the click of a facebook like!  What the western intelligence agencies thought they could breed as a loyal bunch of Alsatians has evolved into a blood thirsty pack of pit bulls in every facet beyond their wildest imagination!
The funny thing is that even though we are torn apart in every direction and our elected few are out to make a buck in their short tenure there is one element that scares the west and that is you can take a man out of Pakistan but you cannot take Pakistan out of the man!  Most of us who have the chance or have had the ability to leave the soil for a better life (today this number is in millions) never give up one thing and that is our stubbornness to never disown Pakistan.  There is a saying “rozi, roti upar wala deyta hai” (your bread and livelihood is provided by God) so going upon this I can assure you that irrespective of what the business vertical known as NGO’s may declare as suffering in the form of a picture to get a big wad of cash from the ADB or World Bank, not one soul in this country goes hungry!

If you wish to challenge me then the next time you stand at a traffic light in any metropolis hold up a 1,000 rupee note in your hand ask the woman that is carrying a sleeping baby and begging to wake up the child in before the light changes!  If the child awakens within seconds then give her the money and get reimbursed from me.  If not then understand that the baby was on rent for the day and when it awakens in its mothers arms at night from its heavily drugged out state then it will be fed properly to survive another day of sleep whilst its mother works as a Maasi in someone’s home!
If one were to consider the amount of international cash flow movement one would realize that over seas Pakistani's remit back a staggering amount irrespective of the fact that they are legally there in their foreign abodes or hiding from the INS.  Pakistan should give immense tax benefits to those who live abroad and encourage them to remit back home as much as they want and allow the same to the families that get them here.  There is no point in trying to get mobile cash because we all know that there is no easy paisa only hard earned money! If the government wants to encourage foreign exchange coming into the country then it needs to give up on trying to milk its under fed 180+ million dead dried up cows and allow the USDA approved bulls to send home some prime T-bone steaks!  This on its own would offset our own foreign exchange cash float that we declare through the state bank!
Every Pakistani feels all the emotions as mentioned when I started writing this blog because I am every Pakistani and I feel the same way!  We as a nation have the most fights over “izzat” and yet we choose to lower our self-respect down to the gutters when it comes to handing out begging bowls!  As a nation we boast piety yet by our actions we scream out to the world that we are there for a price… any price!  Why have we sold our souls to those who really do not care about us!  It is extremely ridiculous that we are paraded in the international press as whipping posts that will drag away an form of attention that the west wants to divert away from its own internal issues.
Man has always had one addiction and that if for power.  This sin of greed for power has lead to many nations suffering and many people dying for causes they truly did not know.  Today your wars are not fought over land they are fought over information (technology) & fuels to keep the tech world going.  This thirst is something that every Pakistani is addicted to because the average Pakistani is very ambitious!  If Pakistan could control its energy problem honestly and contain its resources and utilize them properly the politicians need to realize that they would not need to collect more dollars against a constantly weakening rupee because if the rupee appreciated they would be better off than any other nation in the world with the current status of their existing offshore accounts! 
If this nation is named as Pak (pure) istan (land) ane we agree that it is running on Gods will then we should open our eyes and see that we have it all.  Hydro, Nuclear, Wind & Solar energy that will never end.  We have the sweltering heat of Baluchistan and Thar that is perfect for huge solar fields as well the best wind channels that can drive gigawatts not mega of power if utilized properly!   If we believe that Allah loves this nation then we must agree that he has given it everything! The only problem is that as an entire nation we are spending more time in looking for gold in false western promises and selling of our resources and souls for a green card!
I learnt one thing being a salesman, it’s good to be inspired by an ideology or some personality but one should focus on the here and the now with respect to themselves and honestly work forward on that as that does ensure success.  We are too busy forming new western loan funded political parties that will out do the old ones when we should be focusing on strengthening the rupee and forget about the dollar loans we get promised!
We all believe that Allah has blessed us with a lot of bounty and is watching over us!  If we do not listen to him and keep taking him and his given resources for granted there will come a time when we will abandon him in our obsession for political narcissism and that will be the saddest day as we would have sold our souls to God only knows what!

If you need to contact me or wish to befriend me then please... 
To work with me connect with me on Linked In - http://pk.linkedin.com/in/amynaghulamali/
or add me on facebook - https://www.facebook.com/AmynAGhulamali

Disclaimer! - The opinions I post are my own and I do not intend to hurt or offend you!  If you cannot allow me my freedom of thought then you have the right to voice an opinion and navigate away on the web.  If you follow my blog I thank you as it’s quite ridiculously entertaining...that is if you like what & how I write!