Sunday, November 6, 2016


Understanding the rising divorce rate in Pakistan

Today the divorce rate in Pakistan is rising and the number of divorcee women is rising!  Every one find their convenient reason to blame and absolve themselves of being the root cause but the inevitable truth often ignored is that it takes two hands to clap.

Being a female that has survived childhood and continues to live in Pakistan as an adult is something that is quite an achievement from my perspective.  From the minute you are born it is instilled into your brain by your relatives that your sole purpose in life is to say yes to anything the family elders tell you and then to prepare yourself to say yes to marriage to a man who will dominate you for the rest of your life.

Right from the start of being a girl child one realizes that life can become quite unfair.  It does not matter whether you live in a village and walk to your fields or you live in the big cities and have a chauffeur driven vehicle that takes you to the office because irrespective of what your social status is society and your family will always have an inconvenient reality check there to suppress you somehow!

Females have always been at the receiving end of criticism somehow and from someone from the minute they are born and society wants to inconveniently liberate them.  Irrespective of the generation Pakistan’s younger females have an immense amount of enemies hidden in their friends that are a catalyst to them having more problems even before they enter into the saas bahu relationship stage of their lives. 

The way I see it most Pakistani women are trophies to men who parade them in society trying to depict a lifestyle publicly that simply does not exist.  Women might not admit it but they are constantly under societies critical eye waiting for them to mess up. It’s exactly like having a pedigreed show dog with papers on a very tight leash.

In the past fifteen years more women have divorced their spouses and decided to live on their own and the reason for that is very simple.  “The men they were involved with were simply not good enough for them when they got married helplessly!”  People think that a woman is being emotional or erratic when she decides to divorce a man but little do they ever try to listen to her with an open emotional mind.  Divorce be it in in any setting personal or professional only happens when a woman has had enough and simply refuses to compromise on the core values she stands for herself.

If one asks any man who is divorced what exactly happened – seldom will you get a befitting answer that is close to the truth.  Most men will often give shoddy reasons for the split which one can expect to be that the spouse was cheating and or anything except for the reality of the here and the now.
Men find women to be extremely complicated creatures and feel comfortable that in a country like Pakistan a woman’s identity is linked to the man she is hitched to.  Therefore, I feel that most husbands take their wives for granted quite a lot thinking that they would crumble if the relationship were to end.

If you look at another paradigm I think that women are quite simple creatures because they base their entire existence on two principles which are honesty and respect.  With any one element missing in the picture any relationship in life cannot exist.  Further to that I feel that women are more resilient to handling pain and have the ability to inwardly digest and ignore social stigmas and agony that is created all around them because they have been raised to be perfect.

Today women are armed and in the work force and women know their rights which is an awesome and amazing thing.  If one looks at society today one will notice the balance of power has shifted because women have the unique ability to be a stabilizing force for the people in their lives and their partners. 

Another thing that Pakistani society has come to realize is that with education being the driving force now men actually have to work hard to keep up with their spouses because most families now need a dual income to survive.  So with the wife also being the bread earner no longer does it make business sense to try to bully the other source of income into a situation that will be stressful for all!

As time goes on and more and more western influence seems to infiltrate our lives the only thing left for men to do would be to start listening to their spouses with the intent to understand where they come from and just be honest to themselves with a reality that they would not do as well as they are if their spouses left them.  Today no longer does a woman have to be good enough and come with a massive dowry to be accepted by her in laws.  Men need to be very different cowboys worthy enough to be suitors for any woman.

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