Tuesday, March 25, 2014



After college & University happened when I returned “fram tha US of Aay” every normal person said “Mash Allah sehat bohat achee hai!” Every socialite aunty I came across said “Ya Khuda Beta you really need to lose weight!” & unfortunately all the size zero chicks I tried to score with screamed “No way Don’t!... Free Willy” 

Glad you are smiling but bottom line, over a period of 18 years I never really had a problem with my weight, however everyone else did! “And you know who I mean!”  Every family occasion or gathering I had those aunties who wanted to avoid discussing the tribulations of their own families so they would try to sit with me and empathetically tell me about the benefits of losing weight!   The only way I could stop them from turning it into a full blown onslaught would be to question the details of their own kids divorces, addiction problems & homosexuality (in some cases)

However, today in many circles divorce is common almost a pre-requisite to be in a click, a coke is not a thanda at a ball and if you are a muff diving chick or a sausage swallowing lad you are the creative director, designer or some freak show that is politically correct somehow & somewhere! 

Anyway,  as society hammered me like mad they tried to put me in Shape by getting me a membership with a studly trainer, my family stopped cooking in oil, everything was baked, grilled or green!  I went from diet to diet, health club to health farm, dietician to doctor and at one point my family obsessed with that Anorexic Tart Mishi Khan marched me down to see a surgeon to have my stomach stapled but due to my disability and that concoction of drugs (Pharmaceutical Type) I take every surgeon bluntly refused.  Bottom line I couldn’t be fucked to lose weight and really did not care at all however everyone else kept pissing me off and I had perfected the art of deflection & avoidance!

My problems started when I developed a problem with my spine and the weight was something slowing me down and with my disability this was a problem.  However I figured out that now that I had limited mobility I wanted to be agile again and beat my problem so I went and visited a friend’s wife who was a dietician.  I was relieved because the advice she gave me was honest and helped me get started with a food / meal plan.  She told me three things that have stuck with me till today as they were honest. 
I realized that the last thing I wanted to do (because I physically couldn’t) was to be huffing and puffing on a treadmill like an 80 year old on Viagra.  I was going to make this fun! Over a period of 15 months I lost 18.7 Kilos doing these things & 10 inches on my waist and am still losing weight like mad!  I am sharing these with you and hope you will be able to use them too!

10. Drink at least 10 - 12 liters of water during a 24 hour period.
09. Have a good solid breakfast (anything really)
08. If you have to have lunch ensure it is 1/3 the quantity you would usually have.
07. Move around - (Example - Take the stairs instead of the elevator and get up and walk around your ffice frequently.) This will also give your eyes a rest from the computer screen.
06. Regulate your sleep cycle & ensure you get a minimum of 6 hours or so - (This is one that i failed to do miserably even today)
05. Dinner - Eat everything! Even Kunna / Paya and ghee walay parathay but eat about 85% of the amount you would regularly eat.
04. Start loving Fruit chaat Bhel Puri etc.
03. Stop spending hours with your laptop & Tv remote and start spending time with your family and kids OUTSIDE the house! - Take a break from work in a healthy way!
02. Eat your last meal 4 hours before you sleep!
01. Stop Drinking Alcohol
  1. The above tricks were for “ME” and are all based upon common sense so if they don’t work for you then you might need to tweak them a bit! 
  2. Also to take into account I do NOT walk (exercise walk / jog) or pump iron etc. due to my disability yet the plan I came up with allows me to EAT EVERYTHING!
  3. I am not a dietician and have no medical degree so consult with a professional before you decide to take certain matters into your own hands!
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