Tuesday, December 17, 2013
NEW YEARS INSECURITY
This is specific to Karachi citizens only!
Ok! Well the holiday season has officially kicked in because your kids have had their concerts, you have had your parent-teacher session and are depressed because chotu is not as intelligent as you prided his over-smartness to be and you are desperate to get away from the balls and all because one night will be as expensive as a two day trip to Dubai in off season…. Wait you don’t believe me here goes at what happens to your wallet starting sometime tomorrow when the offices go on holiday mode…
Ticket to a ball or party (where things are supposedly secure) 25,000
1 party dress for the wife – 8,000
1 set of shoes – 3,000
1 trip to the salon (she has to look like Marilyn Manson) 6,000
1 bottle of liquid refreshment – 6,000 (can’t have the cheap stuff)
1 cigar – 5,000
I pack of smokes – 200 (must have the velaiti kind)
Overtime for the maid – 500
Fuel topped up in your car for that night – 6,000
Tips to the waiters – 2,500
Tips to your goon squad for that night (guard & driver) – 1,000
Tweets / SMS / and calls to people to make sure you get invited to the right venue and also your PR calls to ensure you get a discount to the charity affair 1,500
Fuel for your car spent over two weeks till you go out – 3,500
Breakfast the next morning at some hotel with the gang – 2,500
ESTIMATED GRAND TOTAL (AVERAGE) 75,000
It is so sad that some of you will wind up spending in maybe excess of this amount for a fantastic night of your life that you will not care about after the 7th of January because life will move so fast that the people you partied with will be strangers who would have found more obnoxiously new rich buddies they would want to meet rather than you. Ok! so on the positive side you will wind up having some meat for a ridiculous conversation about who was almost as insane and compare with the standards set by the last New Year’s party which you attended at someone’s house you could not give two hoots about!
Ironically the sad thing is that the beaches you will go to will be closed by the cops – all the roads will be chaotic routes of traffic mayhem and everyone who does not matter will be toting a firearm to fire it off at New Years to prove that their cannon can shoot the biggest and noisiest load.
All of us Karachi-ites love to plan and prepare for New Years because it gives us the illusion that whilst we are in four walls doing what is banned surrounded by hired goons to protect us from what fundos that might show up is that were supposedly free in this shitty (city) of load shredded lights!
Now guys I have had one brilliant New Year and that was when I welcomed 2012 with 30 people I knew at a friend’s house. It was a pleasure to not have to use a megaphone to say hello to the person next to me and very satisfying that I was not fighting for scraps off the buffet table where intoxicated individuals were hogging what was left of the kunna after their black labels had run out.
New Years to me is a special time where I want peace and clarity to reflect upon what happened last year and remember all the good that happened with some people that I care about. Sadly this year with all the crap going on I really do not want to be here.
I for one am going off to Lahore (which would be extremely cheap and the same cost as what one night would cost me here as I would like to spend an inexpensive evening in a 5 star hotel in Lahore (Avari has an awesome deal for Lahore) and be treated like a king in some fantastic weather. I live in a city where everyone is insecure and I thought to myself I wanted to be free rather than be a robot on a dance floor listening to electronic loops that would leave me deaf for 24 hours after the party. I have never done anything that is clichéd in my life but I certainly am sick and tired of being held hostage to what society decides will be my budget every 31st of December.
Do you also feel exhausted by having to prove that you are good enough or have you had enough of this emotionally and financially expensive rut and want to run away for some peace and quiet to reflect upon how your life went and how you can make it better in the next 12 months. If you want to have a chat with some friends you know where you will find my wife and me on the 31st of December in Lahore so stop by and let’s hit Food Street and get some culture and enjoy life in the chilly air or Punjab…
If not then tell me where you want me to send you a gift pack of alka seltzer / disprin & morning after pills as you will need them badly to pay off your already over stretched credit card limits…
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