Sunday, December 8, 2013



Before you read on please note that this is NOT a serious post but since the headline caught your attention this also affects you so bear in mind the FOUR following facts!
  1. You should never let your guard down around old servants / employees as they are the ones who mostly take you for granted and take advantage of you.  Irrespective of how long they have served you, you must always maintain the decorum of an employer by being formal.
  2.  Whatever happens to you is partly your fault because it takes two hands to clap and if you did not lose the formality element then the chances of the unfortunate instance that happened tp you would have been reduced significantly in the first place.
  3. I am not out for vengeance but have become a Mamoo too many times in the past decade and this happy occasion where I become a Mamoo becomes immensely expensive Time, Emotion & Money wise at my cost ALWAYS! 
  4. Lastly I never knew I had so many sisters & mothers out there in my servants own families.  This has brought about a greater realization about how the two most common profanities in the Urdu language were invented.

Now let’s begin at why I am so upset!

I am a ruthless salesman – I sleep, eat, breathe and walk sales and am constantly in attack mode when it comes to scouting for a new prospect to sell “something” to.  Bear in mind that I have some Islamic principles that I follow such as I do not give bribes and am extremely honest so I get a lot of repeat business and there are two elements of respect I immensely enjoy which are that CEO’s & business owners pick my call irrespective of where they are within the first 3 rings & I usually get paid what I ask for if not more in advance because I don’t waste their time and disrespect them with anything that is not a concrete benefit to them in a monetary sense.

Most of you work to live but I love what I do and get financial and personal satisfaction doing what I do so I live to work.  So now to do my job well which I completely love I have a core team of people both domestic & professional who I have engaged to help meet this purpose.  For my staff I have two rules only.  Never lie to me & your mobile must always be on at all times for when I need you!

The form of return respect I give to them is that I ensure they get paid WITHOUT FAIL on the 24th of the current month (before the month is over) at whatever rate we have agreed upon.  Even if it is a Sunday or a bank holiday I ensure they all get paid and NEVER give an excuse in this matter.  I am also a part time social worker because I ensure that all my staff are take care of as far as their families go so that they can serve a greater purpose which should be “ME”!

Please do not think that I am trying to become Mother Teresa because I am worse than Attila the Hun or Genghis Khan when it comes down to taking my chaps or girls to task for errors  made by them…  Their failure in executing or inwardly digesting what clear simple instructions I politely give to them affects my revenue generating skills that enable me to meet the self-set deadline to pay their salaries and mistakes always cost money in some way and always to the employer in some form or another.  After I get upset I always apologize because I value human life and feel bad inwardly when I am rude to anyone.

However, sadly this relationship is a one way love affair because in my stupidity I have come to realize that my staff even ones that have been with me for over a decade have no regard for me and treat me like a soiled sanitary napkin and I feel I am not given the same respect as far as lihaz goes in the form of honesty and am constantly being taken for granted. 

An example of this is that…  Wait let me tell you how I got this example as solid concrete evidence so back to about “me” again…  When I sell stuff my clients are king so their anniversaries birthdays and kids and secretaries happy occasions also follow suit.  I don’t send an SMS or a simple message on social media I give them my most precious commodity which is time – stop whatever it is I am doing and go and visit them and wish them ALL in person.  (Something I learnt when I interned with Dr. Muhammad Younis) in order to manage this I have everyone’s info in my mind and hard copy and cloud and computer etc. (you get the point)

Now back to the example of being taken for a ride or being made a Mamoo so here goes.  One of my staff members when I was in the midst of a busy day came to me with tears in his eyes saying that his mother in law had died and was terribly upset.  Usually it is an occasion to distribute sweets from what we understand but I was compassionate to give him two days off.  I even gave him cash for the expenses over and above his wage.  When I offered to come for the last rites I was told that it was a tough time and that he would manage it and that I should carry on with my more pressing matters.

As I sat at my computer I realized that when I made a note that his mother in law had died on that date the instance already popped up as a clash twice within the period of the past 48 months.  I was so confused that I wanted to call his wife at 2am and ask her if she was actually sure that the body they would be burying would be the last so called “mother” or would I have to question the authenticity of the womb she had been held for 9 months again next year. 

I sat down and then thought where I had gone wrong because I was terribly upset that someone had made an idiot out of me repeatedly.  That is when it dawned on me that I do social welfare anyway with my staff so I should start an NGO that only monitors the population of Pakistan.  This is because it seems to me that my staff or people in general have mysterious emergencies near the holiday times when I am emotionally charged any ways to be charitable.

I now realize that the amount of relatives they wind up killing every year is so ridiculous that it should curb their ability to expand the total number of their constantly growing family.  If this also happens to you then we (you the reader & me) MUST open a NGO because we need to find out how can so much contraception be so ineffective when so many people are dying.  It would also help NADRA clarify details for the next census because they would know how many people have died more than once.  I for one want to meet someone who has been to heaven so that I can actually tell our terrorists if the 72 virgin theory is true or not.

Also, kindly note that we should open a second NGO to aid the health monitoring ones as well because what I find extremely odd is the number of relatives that my staff has that have cancer and other terminal diseases who seem to outlive the elderly people I know who have fantastic health care.  We all love our relatives so this Ngo will serve a fantastic purpose to help us understand how we can extend their lives for an indefinite period with shoddy and cost cutting health care to spend it on the rising cost of education for our kids.

Further to this has anyone bothered asking your maids where the bruises are from the abusive husband who mistreats them so much and physically abuses them so much due to substance abuse?  Also we need to get the cops involved so a third Ngo would benefit the cause to help these maids who are always getting punched and hit and kicked around and having their money stolen from them.  We need to tell our maids to take pictures from their expensive 8 megapixel phone cameras tucked under their bras and MMS them to CPLC so that they may get the justice they desire rather than hitting up our wives every six months for a loan that will resolve the matter.  Women are important so we need to help them.

Lastly we need to fund and support Green Star Marketing and tell them to run a campaign on social media and TV where our drivers and houseboys will know how to effectively use contraception which would be cheap and Halal so that they do not have to be stressed about feeding their 69th child.  Perhaps 69 would be a better option for some of them because it would occupy both ends of the body which have orifices that make a lot of noise.

By now you get my point and that is that you should keep your staff as staff and avoid falling for expensive traps.  People are looking for jobs so there are ready available human resource and mostly those who you trust over a period of time will take you for granted so don't worry you have many options.  Do not allow these people who have been there for a long time to insult your intelligence as I allowed my chaps to do it to me rather please use common sense and remove emotion from any servant who is not a blood relative.

I have witnessed this that those we trust have violated us in more ways than one and it is not our fault.  Every relationship needs to be based on Honesty and respect so how can you tolerate a rouge staff member when you would kill an unfaithful spouse or horrible child!  Be wise be aware and be informed…

1 comment:

  1. Dear Amyn,
    Change the domestic staff, lies shouldn't be acceptable, and lying for monetary reasons is actually theft and can be charged accordingly.

    Make sure to immediately fire this person after confrontation with an audience so others have an example.