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Tuesday, March 26, 2013

EMOTIONAL MEMORIES


EMOTIONAL MEMORIES

People say that memories are something to be cherished!  I completely agree because I have learnt the hard way that what I have survived in my 39 years of existence have made me into what I am today.  All my mistakes and all my follies be intentional or because I was 14 going on 60 and knew it all have made me aware that I should not repeat them…  Most of all I have a firm understanding of the fact that I cannot allow emotions to step into deciding about the future because the memories that I will have tomorrow will be a cause of what I decide today!

Just to give you a snapshot here are a few memories starting from about two decades ago.  (I will not go farther back in time as you might not remember them so well)  These instances I have not forgotten and are experiences that I will always cherish! Maybe their significance is such that no matter what I do I cannot forget them. 

I have a distinct memory that a man was trying to become Ameer-ul-Momineen and this country was in turmoil.  A progressive nation as we had presented to the west who always bailed us out was not standing true to its ideology and we were in financial dire straits.  I remember this memory is when the dollar started to climb due to devaluation.

I also remember that one evening the uniforms stormed every department of the civil government and turned all the dreams of democracy over quashing any form of kabbaddi that was played by the lions of Punjab.  I distinctly remember how we welcomed 4 stars into the presidency led by one man who seemed to be the savior of the nation and how we rejoiced when we felt there was order about to be restored.  I think the heavens must have been upset somewhere because we were hit by an earthquake that shattered our country and I remember this man appealing to the world to help us.  Oddly enough with our indifferences our nation united like it did in a cricket match against our neighbor and also gave a hand to the aid that poured in.

One spinoff memory that I have is that if you look up the timeline on google China was hit aby the same kind of natural disaster some months later but there was no immediate media coverage internationally or for some time because the government resolved everything back as per their humble hardworking nature.  Their pride did not allow them to put out begging bowls.

I also remembered when our guest had overstayed his tenure and we got upset because we were held hostage once again to western ideals which would stop any form of funding to us should we be dictated by anyone we united and hatemongered the uniform off this man.  Yet the lions were kept in cages in distant lands so that they would not be able to bite the hands that fed them. 

Somehow I remember one day the ideology of revenge came back to town and started making a huge noise but was silenced and I remember driving through the streets of Rawalpindi wondering why my country was burning!   I remember how the legacy continued and we shot arrows into the presidency and parliament house and for an Islamic nation how we used our own actions to support what our emotions led us to believe was the truth.  We cried and we believed what we wanted to I don’t know why but did!  I also remember when the king was about to be crowned the Marriott got blown up and no one blamed the fact that it housed western interests.

My memories within these past five years will never leave me and always haunt me because I remember Quetta, I remember Abbas Town, I feel the frustration the day one man from the west was able to hold an entire nation hostage.  I remember strongly and clearly how my income remained the same but every two to three days there was no electricity.  I remember always being confused as to if the price of fuel which had gone up by 10 rupees on an average had come down by 2 rupees or had gone up by another 10.  I also remember that I got used to not having youtube and my mobile phone switched off.

I remember seeing the fact that the middle class had vanished and feudal vigilante justice had hit the streets of Karachi where by a land lord was able to hunt down and kill a serving police officers son.  I also remember how the cameras caught a so called government car trying to kidnap a woman from a shopping mall.  I will always remember how justice became a single edged sword and was conveniently used as a weapon for personal satisfaction.

I will remember always how every day that I lived for these 5 years I wished that one week would go without any form of trouble.  I know that whilst watching the television Geo proudly announced that Not one single death had been reported in the city of Karachi due to unrest.  I will only remember this because the next day 7 people got massacred in the city due to political unrest.

I am sure I will also remember the fact that we as a nation felt insecure, and worried and trapped for these 5 years which is not too long ago.  Sadly all these wonderful memories that I have are somehow related to my emotions.  I left logic out of the picture every time that I took a decision based on emotions.  My fault is that I am an emotional nation and that if I see the tears of a husband and his children I will fall down on my sword of sanity and die for them.  I will not question circumstance but will always lead a crusade for anyone even if it a little girl who gets shot in the head.

I am tired and worried as a nation that I will adopt any cause so that I know I am doing well somewhere and somehow wanting to forget my own miserable memories that are self-created by my own emotions.  Now as the arrows have been plucked from the wounds of the parliament I am confused how over 30 billion vanished.  This too will be a memory reminding me that when I have to make a decision as a country again.  I should not succumb to emotions.  The only question is I hate these memories but will I ever learn?

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