Tuesday, September 14, 2010


Ok now picture this! Twenty slobbering lions wait and observe a herd of buffalo, the heat sets in and the frothing at the mouth becomes too much to bear – within the blink of an eye an unfortunate half dazed buffalo becomes dinner and then the lions are lying flat on their backs licking their chops… (typical scene from a national geographic episode)

Flash out to Pakistan – A room with twenty crotch scratching men each one picking at the remains of last night’s dinner in their best ittar washed shalwar kameez’s and staring at you tube for the latest dirt they can dig up to entertain them selves… for hours this goes on and the silence is only broken by the odd slurping of tea – gacking of coagulated mucus and the eventual farts stuck deep within. – Welcome to the PTA offices.

Right ok done with the drama then back to reality – Lately our pop stars have been hiking up their rates for the telco’s who spend like mad on them to ensure that they will endorse not so border to border connectivity. The rates have been getting cheaper and all telcos are on the war path brutally cutting slicing and dicing away at what they can to ensure that they can grab at whatever stragglers that are left behind who don’t own a sim… This is not specific to Pakistan. It’s damn clichéd that when facebook came out everyone wanted to make a clone and that is what happened with every success story globally. In these pricing wars one needs to understand that the consumer (basically the masses) are not the ones to make an ullo ka pattha or be made one should the readily jump ship.

The average consumer is brand conscious and media has ensured that he or she can tell who is what does what – today technology has shot its self in the foot as news becomes bad news the instantly it leaves your body in the form of a text email or discussion. Whilst the consumer may not be able to afford a latest phone or laptop china has made it possible for him to rub up the elite few by brandishing an extremely brilliant knock off that will be smarter and work faster than your million dollar toy.

I predict that one day the exchequer will be rogered as the emiratis have had enough – the egyptians will go back to loving pyramids and the battle will be left between a horde of norsemen and ghengis khans best descendants. Right now in my happy world warid does not even touch the scales of my insane theory as its cto jumped ship and thre in the towel… It’s a survival of the fittest and the one who has the most brilliant conservatively obnoxious ad spend will win. I predict that by the year 2014 the world will not have ended as it states in the movie 2012 because the telcos will be fighting for VAS innovations that they will be trying to implement via third party advertisers.

Yes forget your jehans bouncing on trains and ullo ka pathas trying to go to the west its going to be a battle of who has the best image and then this is where the beauty of marketing comes in. All companies will need to invest in selling products on line as we are enslaved by technology – just try throwing your cell phone away (either you will be bankrupt or have a hit squad knocking at your door if you are anyone of any significance.) The best and cheapest form of reaching any desired mass audience will be via a triple play data network (not cellular). I would not be surprised if all your items were approved by the telco industry before being launched.
We laughed at knight rider – mocked terminator – laughed at star trek and now its all coming true – artificial knees, hips cars that tell you when to stop backing up – computers that tell you they have a virus and cellphones that play 3 d movies. As I end my insane theory I want you to ask your self how disconnected are you today?

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